Belvedere XXVIII

May 6, 2007 by
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic 

As my husband and I were passing Java Street this afternoon we noticed a balloon festooned sign with “Open House” emblazoned on it. Not even bothering to read the details, I told my husband:

I betcha this is an advertisement for one of those fucking Belvedere buildings.

I have a perverse fascination with Belvedere. Despite the posh sounding name, these buildings are little more than perfect facsimiles of the pre-fab piles of shit that grace gated apartment communities in suburban Dallas or (insert outer ring suburb here). I am also amazed by how god damned many of them there are. Too damned many, as you will see.

You needn’t pound the pavement in Greenpoint long to deduce how many of these ‘exclusive’ properties scar the local landscape. The developer has saved you (and me) the trouble by numbering them. Including the building my husband and I saw yesterday.

Belvedere 28

Twenty eight?!? Shit, that means there’s almost as many of Belvederes as there are Super Bowls. And I am not too crazy about the Super Bowl either. Wardrobe malfunctions notwithstanding, obviously.

This sheds light as to why I see these posters all the damned time. I have always interpreted the euphemism “motivated seller” as meaning “desperately trying to unload something nobody wants to buy”. Perhaps I should give my buddies Bridge Realty an Economics 101 refresher course? *a-hem*

Dear Mr. Belvedere,

If you are having trouble selling your existing stock, it is an indicator that your product supply has outstripped consumer demand. Constructing another property exactly like it across the street is not going to change anything. In fact, doing so will only exacerbate the problem.

It does not take a graduate of Harvard Business School to figure this out. I have two degrees in fine art and I easily grasp this defining principle of the free market system. What’s your problem?

In closing, I would like to point out that calling the property (across the street from Belvedere XXVIII) “Belveder XII” makes you look really fucking stupid. Can you count? Oh wait, maybe you can’t. This would explain why you continue to build these crappy condos despite having a dearth of interested buyers.


Miss Heather


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