Miss Heather Goes To Astoria

November 5, 2007 by
Filed under: Area 51 

Last night Mr. Heather and I went to Astoria to dine with the brains (and brawn) behind Bucketman. We had a most enjoyable evening. I hope they did as well.

Many of you probably don’t know I once lived in Astoria. Back in 1998 I lived in an illegal basement apartment for a measly $550 a month (all bills paid!). I am certain such sweet deals (like the one I had) have gone the way of the $850 studio in the Garden Spot. But I digress.

My memories of Astoria are by and large fond ones. In the fuzzy clarity that is my Greenpoint hindsight, I remember it as being a nice family-oriented neighborhood with killer produce stands. My reasons for leaving were purely personal (READ: financial).

As you can imagine I was very curious to see how my old stomping grounds look in 2007. To this end I arrived early so I could walk around and see what’s cooking. What I saw was still more or less recognizable despite rampant construction and destruction. There were still lots of children at play whose parents laughed while watching them and gaggles of old coots staring at me like I have eight heads (and for the record, I don’t— I only let them out for special occasions like office parties and bar mitzvahs).

I searched in vain for a pile of poo that could compete with Greenpoint’s gargantuan doggie dumplings, but none were to be found. Just an anemic nugget here or there, little more. In a fit of poop induced pique, I pointed this out to Mr. Heather and he sagely reminded me:

This is a classier neighborhood, Heather.

How very true. Even the demolition sites have a certain genteel, down-home feel to them.

CASE IN POINT: 30-03 Newtown Avenue, a modest two story structure in the process of being demolished.

30-03 Newtown Avenue

Some of you might have noticed that part of the roof is missing. Some sourpuss complained that fine folks at First Class Wrecking didn’t have a permit to remove it. The fact is they do. I am certain it was all a big misunderstanding. Besides, with a door as warm and inviting as this one— a door of superior quality to the ones which grace most of the crappy condos I see here in Greenpoint nowadays, I would like to add— I am certain he (or she) won’t hold a grudge. Unlike many of the first class wrecks I have seen in Greenpoint, this one has a first class door to go with it!

Am I experiencing demolition envy? It is entirely possible. Especially given the painfully polite note affixed to this door. It is a veritable Amy Vanderbilt of construction-related communiques.

Please Keep Door Locked…

Isn’t it nice of them to advise employees (and would be trespassers) to lock up when they leave? Given this house (deceased) received two complaints about being illegally converted into a SRO*, I suppose it makes sense. As Motel 6 likes to say:

We’ll leave the lights on for you.

Miss Heather

*And much, much more.


6 Comments on Miss Heather Goes To Astoria

  1. vintagejames on Mon, 5th Nov 2007 7:37 am
  2. The devil is in the details. The demolition permit for 30-03 Newtown Ave. is for a 1-story building; the one being taken down has two. Also, look at the demolition checklist. Code A11 is for 5 day notice to adjoining owners. Was that done? Those wonderful people who undermined the foundation of the building that I live in did not bother with that little item, although the permit at bisweb said it was filed. In keeping with their mantra, the DOB swept the issue under the rug.

  3. missheather on Mon, 5th Nov 2007 11:13 am
  4. There are a lot of “details” regarding this property that make no sense whatsoever! I seriously wonder if the DOB even bothers to look at the buildings they receive complaints about.

  5. vintagejames on Mon, 5th Nov 2007 1:52 pm
  6. The smart money says no. Probably one of those so-called self-certified creatures designed by people who couldn’t find their asses with both hands.

  7. missheather on Mon, 5th Nov 2007 2:04 pm
  8. I’m a big fan of the series of “terrace” complaints this site got (hence why I linked to them). It took 3 inspections to deduce that it was indeed illegal. Fuck Polish jokes. They should start making DOB jokes, e.g.; how many inspectors does it take to (fill in blank)?

  9. Steve of Astoria on Mon, 5th Nov 2007 6:53 pm
  10. In this town I would presume that most DOB work gets done with a handshake (provided one of the hands is holding cash). Although it’s a nice photograph, I must say that the picture needs something. Don’t be suprised if you see a wreath on the door in a future pic. I like to refer to this stuff as a random act of nonsense. Is that a crime?

  11. missheather on Mon, 5th Nov 2007 10:24 pm
  12. Do it and send me a pick! Enjoyed dinner by the way and thanks! Please send my regards Patch and Zsa. It was a pleasure to meet them.

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