Interesting Consumer Item Of The Day: She Wha?
Recently a good friend of mine when out for drinks with a male buddy of hers. Upon leaving a bar she spied a very intoxicated gentleman (in a business suit, no less) drunkenly urinating on the side of a newspaper stand. This display really pissed her off (pin intended). I’ll let her take it up from here:
I was looking for something to launch into a tirade about anyway so I looked right at the guy â€œoh yeah, thatâ€™s what I like to see when Iâ€™m out enjoying my evening, some drunk moron with his d*ck out in public, making the whole world his toilet!â€
Michael got very embarrassed and tried to walk away, but I started to get my camera phone out.Â Then he doubled back and reprimanded me: â€œoh come on! Donâ€™tâ€™ do that!â€
And I put it away because the walk signal changed –and I decided Iâ€™d rather go home anyway.Â Then Michael says â€œheâ€™s probably more embarrassed than you are!â€
â€œWhat!?â€ I said.Â â€œIf heâ€™s embarrassed, he should go into a f*cking mcdonalds, buy a coke, and use the restroom, like I would.â€
Michael:Â â€œcome on, heâ€™s obviously drunk.Â He wouldnâ€™t be doing it if he didnâ€™t have to.â€
Me:Â â€œWTF-ever, I have been drunk in my day but I have NEVER *HAD* to stop in the middle of the street and pee.Â This is why our city smells like a toilet.Â Itâ€™s just uncivilized.Â You know who pees out in public?Â MY DOG.Â Civilized human beings find proper toilets.â€
Michael was obviously angered by my tirade and started walking away, turning his shoulder to me.Â But I was all feist.
â€œWhat, youâ€™re mad. Sorry.Â I forgot.Â He has a p*nis!Â It is a manâ€™s god-given right to whip it out whenever and wherever and relieve himself.Â Â Iâ€™M SO SORRY, I FORGOT.Â I BOW DOWN TO THE P*NIS!!!â€
Michael was totally mortified that I was hollering this in public and decided that we should part ways for the evening. I asked him if he thought I was being belligerent, and he said YES.Â I know I was being belligerent, but I didnâ€™t care, and still donâ€™t, actually.
Whatâ€™s funny is if this guy had been puking, I would have felt sorry for him.Â But nobody pees on the street â€œbecause they HAVE to,â€ unless they are homeless.
My friend could have let it go at this point. Could have. She didn’t. She’s a “follow through” kind of gal— which is why I learned the good news about “She Wee”. If you can’t beatÂ ’em, join ’em!
Yes, this is a real consumer item. My friend actually ordered one is trying to learn how to use it.* Apparently it comes with a hose so you can “direct” your yellow salvo where ever you want. Imagine that: now you and grandma can bond over writing your initials in the snow! Check out their web site for yourself. It’s quite something.
*I’m trying to get her to post a dairy of her learning curve here on New York Shitty. We’ll see what happens. Keep your streams crossed!