On The Subject Of Spam
I have been receiving a lot of it of late. A. LOT. While always irritating, now the brains behind sending me, a female, adverts for Cialis, Viagra and porn sites featuring blushing young woman doing very dirty things have added yet another diabolical flourish to their sordid solicitations: asking me to confirm receipt of their crap.
Now let me tell you, I harbor the nothing but the darkest possible hatred for people who engage in this practice. Experience has proven to me time and time again only corporate drones who can’t find their ass with both hands —and as such assume I cannot either— ask me to confirm receipt of their emails in this manner. Anyone who would program a robot shilling porn and pills (I clearly do not need) invokes a hellish wrath in my person mere words cannot adequately describe. Seriously. We’re talking rage, kids.
On that note I am going to give them what they want: confirmation of that I received their missives. Miss Heather style: haikus using their own fucking ad copy.
Louise (I Love You Long Time)
El saludo im
Louise im 24 years old.
My ass wait you here!
Ola im Lulu,
To My Group Sex Video.
Look rather at! Thanks!
Never Give Up (Ode to Cialis)
When you are young and
stressed up. When you
are aged never give upâ€¦
That felt really, really good. Methinks I will have to write more of these moving forward. Keep the spam coming assholes (and I have no doubt you will). Now if you don’t mind I’m off to write a Bad Date Haiku.*
*Anyone interested in making a contribution (until we establish a “system”) can do so by emailing me:
missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com
Be sure to include a link to an accompanying photograph. How will you know I received your email? When I post it, that’s how!