Greenpoint
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New York Shitty Day Ender: Impressive
Filed under: 11222, Advanced Life Forms, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic
Tonight the Mister and I took a short stroll around the Garden Spot. During our jaunt we stumbled upon something most unexpected and delightful. Something which cannot adequately be described in words.
Fortunately I had my camera on me.
The Mister really liked the disco balls.
Those of you who are out and about this evening (or tomorrow morning) can find this ride cum objet d’art in front of Belvedere XX on India Street (between Manhattan Avenue and McGuinness Boulevard— closer to McGuinness). Check it out— photographs hardly do it justice.
Miss Heather
Spring Has Sprung In North Brooklyn!
Filed under: Abjectecture, Articles of Fedderization, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg
Yes folks, you can literally smell it in the air: springtime has finally come to north Brooklyn.
The winteriana has been packed away and replaced with more springtimey fare— such as this deliciously terrifying rabbit from India Street. And not unlike the mighty Monarch butterfly, a number of construction projects have emerged from their respective chrysalises to display their new found glory for all to enjoy.
This humdrum specimen hails from 916 Manhattan Avenue. As you can see it sports some seriously fierce asphalt siding. No more. After a couple of modification permits (and a little Greenpoint magic) it has been…
FEDDERIZED!
Of course what would any discourse about abjectecture be without a mention of my good friend Karl Fischer?
Holy 311 calls! It would appear the scaffolding has begun to come down at 200 Franklin Street…
and what a magnificent sight it is!
A number of images come to mind when people use words like “craftsmanship” “luxury” or “quality”. This is not one of them.
And last, but hardly least, what would a revue of north Brooklyn abjectecture be without a Belvedere? Good news kids: thanks to the wizards at Belvedere/Bridge Realty North 9 Street Williamsburg can now claim one of their very own!
Or should I make that XXVI?*
Congratulations northside Williamsburg you’ve just joined the club!
Too bad this sign doesn’t apply to architecture.
Miss Heather
*Not to let them have a monopoly on all the fun. Behold: Belvedere X of Eckford Street!
Nice balconies.
Fedders Friday Long Island City Style: The People Have Spoken!
Filed under: Abjectecture, Articles of Fedderization, Fedders Friday, Long Island City, Queens
On Tuesday, March 3, 2009 I wrote:
No matter how hard I try my wit, gift for gab, whatever-you-want-to-call-it is not doing this stellar example of Fedderism justice. To this end I need your help. Although I realize this has been done before I am proposing the following: you, dear readers, tender LOL speak captions for this masterpiece. These can be left in the comments below or sent via email at: missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com.
If I like what I see I’ll publish the pick of the litter right here on New York Shitty later this week.
Well, things got a little chaotic for me that week so this had to be tabled. But this is not to suggest I didn’t have 49-16 11 Street on my mind. I most certainly did. Among other things I wondered to myself:
Is this building as craptastic in day light as it is at night.
I did a little field research and found the answer.
Abso-FUCKING-lutely YES.
Now, without further ado I offer for your Friday morning entertainment piquant observations about this stellar structure from you, the readers.* Enjoy!
AMOJA wrote:
…I think I may start calling this building the Triple Nipple. Those studs are…well…they’re there.
This is the most effort I’ve ever seen put into a Friedrich box.
Nah…that’s a cesspool on the roof.
The builder is just too cheap to pay for a hook up to NYC’s sewer system!
Okay, so we have heard about the builder. What about the architect? Another anonymous offers up his theory as to who is responsible for this turd:
Design by Helen Keller.
And last, but hardly least I want to give special props to lylet (who actually followed my directions for this project). He mused:
I drive over the Pulaski every day – and this building has been testing my gag reflex for months now. While many don’t like the new building across the bridge, at least is qualifies as some sort of ‘architecture’ (and I actually happen to like it). This, however, looks like a Belvedere made babies with a Fedders Special – and out came this cheapo be-nippled eyesore. And did they build the elevator shaft for a few extra floors that never materialized?…
Indeed.
Miss Heather
*And a whole lotta help from Queens Crap!
Williamspoint Photos Du Jour: Fire Hydrant Cavalcade
Evergreen Avenue, East Williamsburg/Bushwick.
Powers Street, Williamsburg.
Driggs Avenue, Williamsburg.
Java Street, Greenpoint.
India Street, Greenpoint.
Miss Heather
Word Of The Day: Balconization
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Bed-Stuy, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg
bal’ke-ne-za-shen: n. a proliferation of galleries projecting from the front of luxury condominium buildings in gentrifying neighborhoods. While often little more than concealed fire escapes, balconized buildings usually are out of context with surrounding buildings and are festooned with such various and sundry items as laundry, bicycles, and satellite dishes. v. (balconized, balconizing, balconifies) See: Fedderize, crapification, Belvedere Realty, 156 Pulaski Street.
Note the institutional light fixtures. NICE.
Miss Heather
Meet Greenpoint’s Finest
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
This delightful image comes from Bitchy Bluestocking. She writes:
Last summer it was a surprise to discover how popular Greenpoint was on the blogosphere… I’ve become jealous of their “exclusives” — and humor. A few weeks ago I warned Current of the work being done on a house on his block (a blizzard of Styrofoam), and Miss Heather covered it. We walked by the finished product last weekend, joking about its Belvedere XL status, and sure enough Miss Heather soon followed up. Therefore, no longer am I keeping my mouth shut, and I came upon this instance of Greenpoint Magic Sunday…
I for one am very happy you have decided to speak up, Ms. Bluestocking! As your great find attests, there is more than enough Greenpoint Magic to go around! I don’t know about you, dear readers, but I am looking forward to seeing what other goodness this blog whips up for our online enjoyment!
Miss Heather
Has Anyone Seen Colby?
Diana G (the woman who gave us the good news about Belvedere XL) writes:
A cat is lost on Guernsey near Meserole… The owner gave me a flier and she seemed quite upset about losing Colby so perhaps you can get the word out?
If any of you have seen Colby, please contact his person at either of the above telephone numbers.
Thanks!
Miss Heather
It’s Snowing!
This was the hilarious sight that awaited me when I was walking down Green Street yesterday. Anyone who lives on Green Street between Manhattan Avenue and Franklin Street will attest that the Viridian has been quite busy installing styrofoam insulation over the last week. As a result the entire block and some of the people on it are blanketed in white flecks of foam. A little touch of winter on the cusp of July. To alleviate this problem, the above chap is vacuuming the sidewalk. Priceless.
I mention this anecdote because I was recently forwarded one of the finest complaints to the Department of Buildings I have ever seen. Jonathan writes:
look at the recent complaint for 156 Guernsey St! love it
It would appear that Green Street is not the only block afflicted by summertime snow storms. What’s more, one of the more attractive blocks in Greenpoint is set to get its very own Belvedere! Lucky them. Interested to see what a building “covered in styrofoam” looks like, I headed to 156 Guernsey without delay.
Styrofoam? What styrofoam?
The front of this building looks like a piece of Swiss cheese.
Swiss cheese with Friedrich boxes that is.
The building on the left was meticulously restored and put on the market by Corcoran. Given the recent absence of a “For Sale” sign, I would presume it has sold— probably for a very tidy sum. I wonder what the buyer thinks of its neighbor’s face lift?
Miss Heather
Great Moments In Aluminum Siding: Volume XVI
It’s been a long, long time since I have documented some quality siding action here in Greenpoint. Too long, in fact. Thankfully, I walked down Java Street and got my religion back.
Ragu I, meet Belvedere XII. I don’t know about you, but at $10 the house of Ragu is not only very affordable, but it is also more attractive.
Miss Heather
P.S.: This one goes out to my reader who learned that his childhood home was razed to build Belvedere 12.
Fedders Free For All!
I have been trying to figure out which variety of Fedders Specials I hate more: utilitarian buildings that make no effort whatsoever to “fit” into the environment around them or buildings that ape older architecture and fail miserably. I simply cannot make up my mind. For this reason I have decided to feature examples of BOTH for your edification today. Enjoy!
Representing Bushwick, I present to you The Three Faces of Decatur!
Our first contestant hails from the intersection of Decatur Street and Bushwick Avenue. This is the front.
Or is this the front?
Or perhaps this is the front? It’s rather hard to tell. Truth be told, I don’t think this building even knows for certain. If it did, at least the doors would match. Can I speak to Decatur White please?
Representing Carroll Gardens, I present the Columbia Street Cornice.
One of these cornices is authentic, the other is an impostor. Care to guess which one?
If you guessed this one as being the impostor you are correct! That said, this is a pretty admirable reproduction. Whoever fabricated it should be proud.
Unfortunately the same cannot be said about the rest of said building.
What the fuck were they thinking when they did this brickwork over the door and windows? Wait— don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.
Which brings me to today’s final contestant. Representing Williamsburg at five stories is…
this thing.
Excusez moi, it’s called the LEANZA.
I wonder what “Leanza” means? Is it Italian for avert your eyes when the scaffolding comes down? Inasmuch as it pains me to write this, I think I might have found a building that makes the Belvederes look tasteful by comparison.
God help us all.
Miss Heather
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