Miss Heather’s Renovation Roadshow

May 22, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Last weekend I had so much fun ‘degentrifying’ the Northside Piers I have decided to do a series of architectural mash-ups. Call it a Renovation Roadshow from Hell where I virtually visit buildings throughout Brooklyn* and give ’em the “Greenpoint Touch”.

Today’s target: The Williamsburg Savings Bank

Target location: One Hanson Place, Brooklyn, New York, 11243

Today’s ingredients (from my Greenpoint arsenal):

  1. Pink Stucco
  2. Lilac paint
  3. Cell phone transponders
  4. Satellite dishes
  5. A The defining characteristic of all Belvedere buildings and…
  6. THIS (which defies description)

Mix ’em all up and what do you get?

Belvedere XXX

Belvedere XXX! Conveniently located just off Flatbush Avenue!

Miss Heather

Photo Credit (sans stucco): Bridge and Tunnel Club.

*I am taking requests, by the way.

Great Moments in Greenpoint Vinyl Siding, Volume II

May 22, 2007 ·
Filed under: Vinyl Siding 

Last week “Dupreciate” left a compelling comment regarding my first installment of Greenpoint vinyl siding goodness. He wrote:

This past Sunday I noticed a building on Nassau getting a nice vinyl siding upgrade, as the original siding was dry-rotted and falling off the building. Rather than replace the offending layer, these dudes were just throwing up new siding over the old. I like to think that this building (and others like it), are only going to get bigger and bigger as the years pass as more layers are tacked on.

For the last week I have been unable to get the previous image out of my mind. What’s more, this weekend I found evidence that what “Dupreciate” saw is not an uncommon practice. Here’s a couple of pictures of a house getting a makeover on Nassau Avenue.

Siding on Nassau Avenue 2

Yummy.

Window

I envision vinyl siding gradually swallowing all its non-sheathed companions like a python. Fedders buildings, Belvederes, 110 Green Street and tasteful residences alike will be easy prey. Resistance is futile. Eventually Greenpoint will become one giant conglomerated mass of mismatched siding. Sheltered from the elements we will dwell within this dark labyrinth like a tribe of Morlocks.

Or would that be Polocks?

Miss Heather

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