I have been remiss in sharing the following masterpiece with you, dear readers. Thankfully, the international coalition of imbeciles working on the facade of said property Thursday night (they were cutting marble with a saw) was just the reminder I needed!
Question: What happens when an otherwise unremarkable four story building on a less than spectacular block is sold to someone with a lot of money and no taste whatsoever?
It gets Fedderized, that’s what! Over the last year I have watched (and listened to) this building evolve from a mildly tatty, but more or less intact four story tenement to the poster child for the prevention of Fedderization. Let’s take a closer look at its, a-hem, amenities, shall we?
1. A front door better suited to grace the entrance of a topless bar.
In keeping with the class the aforementioned adult establishments exude, the first floor of this building is sheathed in…
2. black marble. Wow, it really spices up this frumpy chateau! So much so you can barely notice…
3. the rolling steel door to the right. Why can I not shake the feeling that some wise guy got whacked behind one of these doors? Is it the marble? The garish chrome entranceway? The rolling shutters? Or…
4. the two tone institutional gray stucco juxtaposed with a baby shit beige fire escape?
I just can’t pin it down. Regardless, I think this building should win a Lifetime Achievement Award and be inducted into the Fedderist Hall of Fame. Ordinarily one would have to schlep all the way out to Flushing to see a building this ugly.
Mazel tov!
Miss Heather
Painting that fire escape black would be a world of improvement, though it would still be a stucco clad piece of crap…