It’s been a long time since I have seen (or more accurately, HEARD) a good honest-to-god rant here in Greenpoint. When Five Leaves (you know, the bar Heath Ledger built) opened I thought our days of random soap box oratory were over. The previous having been said you can imagine my delight when I stood at the corner of Norman Avenue and Lorimer Street today and overheard this.
Once I heard this chap started shouting about constipation (in front of Five Leaves, no less!) I knew I must film this. What’s more as soon as I got home I had to share the god news with Mr. Heather. He was in the bathtub reading (as is his habit). He is the Garden Spot Marat to my Greenpoint Charlotte Corday.
Miss Heather: Some guy was ranting across the street from the Farmer’s Market at McCarren Park today.
Mr. Heather: Really?
Miss Heather: Yeah, right in front of Heath Ledger’s new bar. He said something about how you have to molest a cow in order to get your milk and cheese.
Mr. Heather (who has actually worked on a farm): Actually that is true. At the very least you have to cop a feel.
I knew better than to question the rationale behind Mister Heather’s statement. Over last year’s Christmas dinner this man (for reasons only known to him) decided to describe what it is like to artificially inseminate cows. Did you know the cow will shit on you immediately afterwards? I do. Over chile rellenos and a steaming pile of REFRIED BEANS. Thanks Mr. Heather!
Miss Heather
Well, if meat is murder, then milk is indeed cow molestation. Could be a catchy album title should The Smiths reunite. Or a new bumper sticker at the began co-op.
P.S.–the “b” moves even closer to the “v” on the keyboard after you’ve had a few beers. That’s “vegan co-op” (above). Oh the hilariousity…
I do want to question the rationale behind that statement – What is it about being inseminated prompts that response from the cow?!
PS I love Mr Heather.
This guy has nothing on Drakpak