The Great Williamsburg Fugfest

Ever since Curbed did their Greenpoint Ugly-Off I’ve been thinking.

Why does my neighborhood have to hog the spotlight?

I have asked myself this question a great deal of late. There’s plenty of fugly to go around in north Brooklyn. I should know because I go to Williamsburg on a regular basis.

Yes sir, name any atrocity Karl Fischer et. al. has inflicted on my community and I can show you something from South or East Willie that’s infinitely worse. To prove my point last weekend I decided to (re)visit some of my favorite 11211 and 11206 masterpieces so as to compile a “Who’s Who” of WTF. Without further ado here they are.

Enjoy— or not.

147 Maujer Street

It’s been a while since I have walked down Maujer Street. This is because when I do I am invariably forced to look at this monstrosity. As you can see no attention whatsoever has been paid on matching the brick work. Such trivialities are the stuff of practicing amateurs. This is stone Cold War chic at its very finest! One need only to take a closer look at the drainage and HVAC “craftsmanship” to appreciate this.

Note how the burglar bars are already sporting a nice Soviet Bloc patina (READ: rust).

Cons: It is located across the street from the Williamsburg Houses.
Pros: The Williamsburg Houses are downright glamorous by comparison.

I give this bad boy two fugs up!

152 Broadway


I wrote about this aberration (which I have nicknamed “The Mohawk Building”) a couple of weeks ago so I will keep my commentary limited to the following:

  1. This building used to look like its neighbor to the left.
  2. Thanks to a modification permit it no longer looks like the building to the left.

Cons: 152 Broadway is by far one of the worst abuses of a modification permit I have ever seen.
Pros: At least the brickwork matches and the balconies sport a commanding view of the Brooklyn Queens Expressway, The Williamsburg Bridge and the J/Z train— if you’re into that sort of thing.

And last, but hardly least, one of my personal faves…

795 Grand Street

Last autumn my brother in law came to visit. The Mister took great pains to take him to some of the finer dining establishments in north Brooklyn. This included DeStefano’s Steakhouse. The Mister spent a lot of time dressing up for the occasion. His brother followed suit (no pun intended). The former was dismayed when I came out wearing jeans.

You always under dress.

The Mister said in disgust. To wit I replied.

I do not “under dress”. I do not give a shit. There’s a difference.

I mention this anecdote because it reminds me of this building.

Cons: It is located off the Grand Street stop of the L.
Pros: You have an incomparable view of the ad hoc Golden Gloves matches conducted by the students of the Enterprise High School (which is located across the street).

I hope you, dear readers, have enjoyed this selection of Williamsburg’s worst. Now if you don’t mind, I’m off to take a hot shower so as to scrub the stain off of my soul.

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg Photos Du Jour: The Shittiest Car in North Brooklyn?

As the previous post indicates, I have been experiencing a great deal of existentialist boredom of late. This is not to suggest I have seen it all. I haven’t— nor do I really care to. My imagination suffices. Nonetheless there are times when I am quickly and rudely awakened from my waking somnambulism. Today as I was walking down Ten Eyck Street was once such time.

When I see something like this I assure myself there must be a reasonable explanation. The best one I could muster in this situation was this vehicle was on the business end of a cement mixer. Upon closer inspection I deduced this was not the case.

No sir. This is 100% genuine north Brooklyn guano!

I find it strangely inspiring that no matter how much abuse we humans dole out to mother earth, she sees fit to strike back on occasion. In this case via the humble Columba livia. You go, girl!

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Habre Que Voy!

August 27, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11206, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn 

dickhead

When I initially encountered this work of art on Maujer Street I thought this man’s body was supposed to be a bottle. Then I read the caption.

quevoy

It is not a bottle.

Miss Heather

WOW, That’s Really Ugly!

April 27, 2009 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Williamsburg 

maujerbuttplug

This is one of the most hideous things I have seen built in north Brooklyn.

maujerwest

I assure you this is no small achievement.

maujer-detail

Congratulations 147 Maujer Street…

fugonmaujer

you’re a building so poorly constructed and downright hideous…

maujerugly

it even made you throw up.

Miss Heather

P.S.: It looks like your neighbors don’t care much for you either.

brokenwindow

Or one of your workers doesn’t quite have a command over the whole window concept, e.g.;

brokenwindow2

they’re installed with the express purpose of being opened. There’s really no need to DIY it.

Williamspoint Photos Du Jour: Question Of The Day

April 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

mannoddingoff

asleepmanave

Manhattan Avenue

wytheavecartman

Wythe Avenue

asleeponnassau

Nassau Avenue

bwickinlet

Kent Avenue

maujer

Maujer Street

QUESTION: What do you call a municipal government (and the people who elected it) when a year’s worth of rent on a two bedroom apartment in north Brooklyn meets— if not exceeds— the median income for family of four?

richandpoor

ANSWER: A disgrace.

Although quite a fuss has been raised over the glut of “luxury” apartments in my community (and the high vacancy rates which have come as a result), no one seems to have noticed the visible increase in homelessness that has come with it. Among the “benefits” Greenpoint was promised as a result of the new zoning were park space and affordable housing. As of April 22, 2009 we have received neither. Instead we have been saddled with a colossal number of empty lots, vacant properties and half-finished “nondos” while more people and more people are finding themselves on the streets.

Am I the only person who is angered by this?

Miss Heather

Dog Doo Signs Du Jour: For The Love Of Big Brother

April 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, Williamsburg 

wearewatchingyou

wearewatchingyou2

keepnyclean

This winsome trio hails from none other than Maujer Street in East Williamsburg. Granted, the latter most does not purport to be “watching you” but it has a certain menacing quality I found noteworthy. Whoever crafted this sign not only took a great deal of time to scallop the edges (nice touch) but he (or she) also appears to be unaware that driving six nails and screws into a tree is probably as unhealthy— if not more s0— than getting showers of the golden variety from the local canines.

Speaking of unhealthy, I am going to close this post with one of the most hardcore dog doo deterrents I have ever beheld. It hails from Washington Avenue, 11238.

washingtonave

They raise ’em tough in Prospect Heights.

washingtonavetreepit

Damn.

Miss Heather

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