Culture on the Cheap
One of the perks of being the Dog Shit Queen of Greenpoint is never knowing what will find its way to your inbox on any given day. This morning’s offering was was a dead rat.
The benefactor of this headless vermin (which I have named Marie AntoinSPLAT), “Bucketman”, writes:
So, I was wondering if you could use a pic of a Flat Rat taken yesterday in LIC. Funny thing, I found another one today in LIC but it looked exactly the same. Can you tell where the head was?
Miss Heather likes receiving a nice photo of a steam-rolled rat to savor over her morning coffee. It prepares me for the rigors of the day— and reading stuff like this*.
*I am a big fan of this checklist. In fact, I like it so much I think I’ll print up a stack of ’em. Any time I experience any form of physical distress I will fill one out and send it to the city. I won’t be stingy with the details either:
Today I woke up and thought I had diarrhea. When I used the toilet nothing but gas came out. Where did my poop go? Can you help me find it?
I’ll even throw in a rendering so there won’t be any confusion as to which turd I am writing in reference to.