Drunk Spotting on Green Street

August 27, 2007 by
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Draw a picture!

I think it’s safe to wager that someone on my block might not. After leaving Nick Zedd’s film retrospective at East Coast Aliens last night my buddy Rachael and I encountered a 20-something woman lying on the sidewalk at Green and Franklin Streets. Two people were standing over her. We walked over.

Me: What’s her problem?
Guy: I don’t know. She’s drunk or something.
Me: Why don’t you reach into her purse, get her cellphone and call her keeper?
Guy: I am her boyfriend.
Me: Oh, so you ARE her keeper. Good luck.

That’s when we walked off and, curiously enough, the woman got up and walked home with her boyfriend.

This woman seemed a little too coordinated to be drunk. I imagine she was perpetrating some prank or “guerilla art” project. If so, it was a crappy one. She was hardly convincing as a drunk person passed out on the sidewalk. I should know; I have seen people slumbering on the sidewalks here many, many times. Still do.

Once, back in 2002, my Rachael and I were walking back to my old apartment at one or two in the morning. When we rounded the corner we found a guy passed out on the stairs of (what I presume to be) his house. He was splayed out on his back, flat as a board, car keys still in hand. This chap almost made it home. ALMOST.

He was missing his shoes. I guess someone stole them. The next morning he was gone. I wonder if he remembered what he did yesterday?

Miss Heather

P.S.: In related news, I am proud to announce that Rev. Jen’s Lower East Side Troll Museum received a very special addition last night courtesy of yours truly.

Gimpy the Greenpoint Troll

I have found this stunningly-wrecked troll (who I have named “Gimpy the Greenpoint Troll”) on Greenpoint Avenue a week ago. As soon as I saw it I knew her museum had to have it. Not only was Jen pleased with my donation, but she said a special exhibition of Brooklyn trolls was in the works. I can hardly wait! There ain’t a troll in this fine boro of Kings that can top Gimpy. Game over!


One Comment on Drunk Spotting on Green Street

  1. al oof on Tue, 28th Aug 2007 3:35 pm
  2. the only of the local homeless guys who waves and nods at me (occasionally) in recognition was sleeping in the street the other day. it was about 3 pm. there were two cops hovering, maybe waiting for an ambulance. i followed an old man home once, because i thought he might not make it there. when he got to (what i assume was his building) he fell straight back and almost hit his head on a metal fence. i tried to help him but he kept saying ‘i’m ok’ and pushing me away. i’m not sure he spoke english. considering the number of times i’ve tried to help old drunken men get into their homes, instead of lying across the sidewalk, i should probably try to learn a few key phrases of polish.

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