Miss Heather’s New Crib

September 18, 2007 by
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City 

Much is said about affordable housing. That’s just it: said. Very little actually seems to be done about it. At least in my little corner of North Brooklyn, anyway.


As the boat approached Long Island City last Sunday I felt like Dorothy did when she reached the Emerald City. “Wow” I thought to myself, “I wonder if there is some affordable housing there?” Alas, it wasn’t to be: the gentleman conducting this segment of the tour noted that although there was talk of including lower-income units in a number of these monoliths, it didn’t happen.

Of course I think this is total balderdash. A developer reneging on a promise? Inconceivable. These chaps are upstanding citizens who have our best interests at heart. They make Abe Lincoln look like the Saddam Hussein by comparison.

Too bad. I was rather keen on having quick and easy access to the waterfront and the numerous quick and easy ladies who ply their trade in Long Island City. One time my husband overheard a very satisfied customer bragging to his buddy (via cell phone) on the Brooklyn-bound B61 bus as it was crossing the Pulaski Bridge. He hit her shit twice for a mere $300. If there is one thing Miss Heather likes it is a bargain. Oh well.

LIC Loft

Shortly after we entered the creek I noticed the above townhouse. It certainly looks affordable. It probably affords easy access to hookers too. But it lacks the scenic city views I require. Further up shit Newtown Creek we go!

Affordable Luxury in Greenpoint

This is more like it! This garden apartment (located in the Garden Spot of the Universe) sports the kind of amenities a Dog Shit Queen DEMANDS.

Living Room

It is lavishly furnished.

Rapid Transit

It is only steps away from transportation.

Greenpoint Yacht

And it comes with a yacht!

Who do I make the check out to?

Miss Heather

P.S.: I’d like to give a shout-out to a very nice chap I met on this tour. He operates a blog about tugboats. Check it out, it’s neat.


One Comment on Miss Heather’s New Crib

  1. Steve of Astoria on Tue, 18th Sep 2007 3:41 pm
  2. Re: affordable housing – I just don’t understand why outsiders keep flocking here, then many move away when they’re ready to settle down or because they feel beat. OK, NYC is a great city. But only for those who can afford it, sadly. Am I the only one who feels that NYC is often falsely portrayed as the coolest city (in Film and T.V.) without representing the rest of us?

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