In Praise of Stupidity

November 27, 2007 by
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Unlike most people who bemoan the downward spiral of human intelligence seems to be taking nowadays, I believe this brain drain to be a positive development. Had my fellow hominids been graced with greater gifts of the mind I assure you most of them would busy themselves by concocting in one dishonest scheme or another. Nobel Prize material most people are not.

Now that I think about it, even those with marginal mental mettle usually employ it in some nefarious fashion. Take my former neighbor (PLEASE). She, a 50-something year old, 300 plus pound, non-English speaking Puerto Rican woman had a novel idea about how to generate some revenue: steal and cash one of Miss Heather’s unemployment checks. Though I am certain she thought her plan to be fool-proof, the reality was it had certain fundamental flaws:

  1. When asked to present identification (in order to cash said check) merely pointing at one’s self and then at the check in question will not suffice.
  2. A person of Hispanic origin is probably going to encounter certain difficulties cashing a check made out to a person with a Polish/Lithuanian surname in Little Poland. It’s just a wee bit suspicious.

Needless to say the woman at the check cashing establishment confiscated the check and I got it back. Hence, why I am pro-stupidity: it makes criminals (like my dip shit former neighbor) easier to catch. In fact, the only thing I can think that would be dumber than what this woman did would be to rob a store and leave your picture.

Well guess what, readers! A pair of thieves did just that right here in good old Greenpoint, no less. From the September 28, 1913 edition of the New York Times, I present to you two of the dumbest criminals to ever grace the Garden Spot.

9/28/1913 New York Times

I wonder why these chaps were “taken aback and annoyed” by this photograph? Was the lighting bad? Did he capture their bad sides? Oh wait, I know: it made their butts look big!

Miss Heather


2 Comments on In Praise of Stupidity

  1. Steve of Astoria on Tue, 27th Nov 2007 5:18 pm
  2. A wolf never steals a lamb from his/her neighborhood – (Greek Proverb) – So since fatty was moving, she must have figured she’d get away with it. Hungry and stupid make a bad combo.

  3. missheather on Tue, 27th Nov 2007 5:24 pm
  4. The punchline is we both moved out of that building within two weeks of each other. She was a veritable Fagan: she had trained her two children to be thieving pieces of shit just like her. The eldest of these two kids was maybe 12. It was disgusting.

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