There Has To Be A Word For This

May 6, 2008 by
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

(Hell if I know what it is)

Chateau de Ghetto has been much livelier than usual. Perhaps the decisive breath of spring has made the residents of my 400 square foot palace —2-legged and otherwise— a bit rambunctious. All I can say is me and the Mister’s discussions arguments have taken a very colorful turn as a result.


Our latest and most provocative skirmish centered around the following:

1. This handsome gent is Tortilla’s (now deceased) brother, Artemis. He is thirteen years old and spends most of his days lazing in the window watching the world go by. What he does in the evening, however, is a different story altogether. As you will see.

2. This is my jacket. I bought this item at a used clothing store several years ago. Not only does it look like a shag rug (which in the world of Miss H is a desirable quality— despite my mother telling me I was conceived on one), but it holds a certain attraction for Artemis. Which brings me to the following bit of choice dialog the Mister and I had last week.

Mr. Heather: You are not putting that on your blog.
Miss Heather: Yes I am.
Mr. Heather: It’s humiliating.
Miss Heather: Humiliating?!? He’s a cat! I seriously doubt he is going to care. Besides, it’s not my jacket’s fault.
Mr. Heather: Maybe the jacket likes it?
Miss Heather: My jacket is an inanimate object! Are you trying to tell me its asking for it?!? Your cat sexually assaults my jacket every night! It isn’t right.

Despite having lost his manly bits YEARS ago, this is what Artemis does when I leave my jacket where he can get to it. The festivities usually start at 11:30-12:30 at night (after he has taken it out to dinner, a movie and listening to a little Al Green I hope) and it stops only if/when I take this lascivious piece of apparel away from his grasp. There might be snow on the roof, but I assure you there is plenty of fire in this feline’s loins!

Perhaps Artemis has some unresolved masculinity issues as a result of having a female name? Maybe this article of clothing reminds him of some sexy she-cat from his tomcatting days? Only he knows for certain and he isn’t talking. All I’m saying is I had a guy offer to buy me a drink last Friday night while wearing said item. He even commented on how much he liked it.

The more I think about it, I do not think it was me this chap was attracted to. It was the jacket.

Miss Heather


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