New is Beautiful

August 23, 2007 by
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Long Island City 

New is Beautiful

If I had to pick a slogan for the Fedderist Movement in Long Island City, this would be it. Every time I cross the Pulaski Bridge I take a moment to savor this nugget of Orwellian glory. Not content with a single sign touting this piece of newspeak, the owner of this splendid example of industrial park chic gave it a couple companions.

New is Beautiful Times Three


As I marched through Long Island City like the good little Greenpoint trouper I am this was my mantra. The underlying logic for me doing so was the presumption that if I repeated this phrase enough times I might begin to actually begin to believe it. Unfortunately this experiment failed miserably. My precipitous fall from Big Brother’s grace happened when I beheld the backside of the giant gray monolith that graces Jackson Avenue.

Behemoth on Jackson Avenue

Could someone please explain to me why, in a city with one of the best mass transit systems in the world, people persist driving automobiles? Much less ones that (undoubtedly) consume an obscene amount of gasoline? Perhaps the owner of this vehicle feels it is his (or her) patriotic duty to use as much gasoline as possible to support our regime’s occupation of Iraq? Who knows? I certainly don’t.

That said, I do have a theory about why developers build ginormous parking lots (like the above one on 47th Avenue).

The Doors

To give their neighbors a little scenery.

Ten Inches

I love the smell of automotive emissions in the morning!

I certainly hope none of the owners of these Long Island City Humvees has a drinking problem. One wrong pedal to the metal and someone’s living room is going to get an unwanted piece of new furniture. Sheesh.

Miss Heather


8 Comments on New is Beautiful

  1. d on Thu, 23rd Aug 2007 8:57 am
  2. I can answer the question as to why some city dwellers have cars. I paid off a Civic about 2 years ago (I also do not see the sense of SUVs unless you are living in the woods and moving around logs or whatever) and my family lives too far for the trains to reach. The most action it tends to see are moving it for alternate street parking and for big runs to Key Foods on McGuinness. Oh and the occasional jaunt to Staten where friends live.

  3. marcus on Thu, 23rd Aug 2007 2:19 pm
  4. Are those spindly railings supposed to keep the SUVs at bay?… Or maybe just make the helpful suggestion that the Humvees wait outside.

  5. lisanne on Thu, 23rd Aug 2007 2:26 pm
  6. We live in a very strange world.

    “new is beautiful”?


    I am hoping you photoshopped that on!!

  7. missheather on Thu, 23rd Aug 2007 4:10 pm
  8. That ain’t photoshop.

  9. lisanne on Thu, 23rd Aug 2007 8:55 pm
  10. Also,that security camera next to the “New is beautiful” sign?
    It just adds so much to the beauty of the building..makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.
    It is just so beautiful!!!

  11. missheather on Thu, 23rd Aug 2007 9:19 pm
  12. Yeah, it’s quite beautiful— to those who can afford to remove themselves from it, anyway. It requires money and a certain mindset. Neither of which I possess.

    “If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stomping on a human face — forever.”

    – George Orwell

    P.S.: 2+2=5

  13. ABG on Sun, 26th Aug 2007 6:43 am
  14. Sadly, most developers will try to build the largest parking lots they can, because they believe (probably rightly) that people will pay more if their apartment has a place to park. And even in the most urban parts of NYC, there will be a bunch of jerks who insist on owning and driving SUVs.

    The only way to stop this is imposing and enforcing restrictions on parking. Manhattan below 60th Street has them, but LIC is exempt. Hence, every new development in LIC has big ugly parking garages and spaces, and the neighborhood is full of obnoxious SUVs.

    If you try to tell this to planners and politicians, you get this shocked response, “You can’t build a building like that without parking! Where are all the people going to park?” Well, the fact is that if you build a big parking lot, people are going to come with their SUVs and expect to drive them and park them. If you don’t build any parking, then you’ll get a lot more people who don’t own cars.

    LIC was just rezoned within the past couple of years. If the SUVs and parking lots bother you, blame the people who did the rezoning.

  15. missheather on Sun, 26th Aug 2007 6:45 am
  16. You wrote: LIC was just rezoned within the past couple of years. If the SUVs and parking lots bother you, blame the people who did the rezoning.

    I do. 🙂

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