WOW, That’s Really Ugly!

April 27, 2009 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Williamsburg 

maujerbuttplug

This is one of the most hideous things I have seen built in north Brooklyn.

maujerwest

I assure you this is no small achievement.

maujer-detail

Congratulations 147 Maujer Street…

fugonmaujer

you’re a building so poorly constructed and downright hideous…

maujerugly

it even made you throw up.

Miss Heather

P.S.: It looks like your neighbors don’t care much for you either.

brokenwindow

Or one of your workers doesn’t quite have a command over the whole window concept, e.g.;

brokenwindow2

they’re installed with the express purpose of being opened. There’s really no need to DIY it.

New York Shitty Day Ender: Redemption

April 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Clinton Hill, Williamsburg 

Sunday is (ostensibly) a day of rest and spiritual contemplation in most of north Brooklyn. Hence why I’m going to end this day’s posts with the following.

abandon-all-hope

Abandon all hope ye who use this pay phone (on Graham Avenue).

captain-zorikh

But redemption can be found down the street.

captains-prefer-fedders

Sort of.

182-graham-avenue

Per Captain Zorikh this is the place to get it. For the record 182 Graham Avenue is a SRO. Single. Room. Occupancy. Where, long ago, I had one of the most interesting— and curiously enough— least degrading (but odd) interviews for a sublet I have ever had. You can leave it to Dutch dominatrix to separate the wheat from the chaff. Or give me street cred for looking at a lavender wall replete with paddles, whips, chains and not being perturbed. In my (admittedly limited) experience the above-board sexual perverts (and I mean this in the kindest way) are benign. It’s the co-called normal ones, e.g.; bohunks wearing New York Yankees ball caps incorrectly (READ: backwards) who are dangerous.* But I digress.

A few years later I went to a party in same said building and told Mister Heather:

Had I not landed the apartment we have now, this is where I would have lived. You can still see the indentations where the restraints were anchored to the wall.

I failed miserably in the cooler-than-thou world that is the East Williamsburg apartment share scene. Which is curious because I excel at failure— something many East Williamsburg artists court— albeit ironically. I suppose I didn’t look stylish enough in my desperation. Or was *gasp* TOO OLD. So in Greenpoint remained. THANK GOD.

the-love-chapel

The Love Chapel: R.I.P. and available to rent!

jesus-saves-on-graham-ave

But Jesus still saves.

jesus-vs-the-beast

And Satan is around the corner!

redemption-on-navy-streetnys

You want redemption? The best place I found today was on Navy Street in DUMBO. Good luck.

Miss Heather

*Those of you who seek them can find them in the East Village.

Williamspoint Photos Du Jour: Question Of The Day

April 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

mannoddingoff

asleepmanave

Manhattan Avenue

wytheavecartman

Wythe Avenue

asleeponnassau

Nassau Avenue

bwickinlet

Kent Avenue

maujer

Maujer Street

QUESTION: What do you call a municipal government (and the people who elected it) when a year’s worth of rent on a two bedroom apartment in north Brooklyn meets— if not exceeds— the median income for family of four?

richandpoor

ANSWER: A disgrace.

Although quite a fuss has been raised over the glut of “luxury” apartments in my community (and the high vacancy rates which have come as a result), no one seems to have noticed the visible increase in homelessness that has come with it. Among the “benefits” Greenpoint was promised as a result of the new zoning were park space and affordable housing. As of April 22, 2009 we have received neither. Instead we have been saddled with a colossal number of empty lots, vacant properties and half-finished “nondos” while more people and more people are finding themselves on the streets.

Am I the only person who is angered by this?

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg Photos Du Jour: McKibben Street

April 17, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

leg

winterinamerica

angst

toronto

amazingdome

Taken April 13, 2009.

Miss Heather

Subway Poster Du Jour: M Is For MILF

April 15, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Vomit, Williamsburg 

misformilf

Just when I thought television couldn’t possibly inflict anything worse on the viewing public I discovered this advertisement at Montrose Avenue stop of the L. Is it just me or do these young bucks look like they’re queued up for a gang bang? I suppose, metaphorically speaking, they are. I guess I should just be content that these gents have shirts on. Nonetheless I still find myself asking:

Why god, why?

Miss Heather

Greenwick Photos Du Jour: Never Forget

April 15, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

neverforget

Commercial Street

neverforgetpeaceking

neverforget2

Harrison Place

Miss Heather

P.S.: In related news Construction Safety Week is cometh— and soon!

constructionsafetyweek

Just in time for Pa Heather’s visit to our fair city! Boy is he in for a treat.

East Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: 249 Varet Street Revisited*

April 14, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Recession, Williamsburg 

nylofthostel

Per their web site:

Free Internet, parking, computer use, cable TV, Long Distance Calling… our guests are spoiled…

Indeed.

The store bought stencil-tising certainly looks luxurious. I’ve seen halfway houses more welcoming than this. In any case give me a call when this heap is legal— or you have adequately paid off the proper authorities. Whichever comes first.

Miss Heather

*See this and this.

New York Shitty Day Ender: East Williamsburg Naughahyde

April 13, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Street Art, Williamsburg 

stagg-street-couch

This forlorn example of two-tone vinyl employed for a most stylish effect hails from Stagg Street just east of Stewart Avenue.

Miss Heather

Fun With Rock Photography in New York City

April 13, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

(Or: Don’t F**K With The DOS’s Boulder)

dosrock

It could be argued that the only thing I like more than getting a good mind fuck is administering one. You know what they say: it is much better to give than to receive. Today I arose to a beautiful day and after catching myself staring wistfully out my living room window one too many times I decided to table the blog and go for a walk. A long walk. On days such as this I long to get a little taste of spring time— albeit not in the manner many of my fellow New Yorkers do. When they head to the park or take a nice stroll along the waterfront I pay a visit to the hinterlands of north Brooklyn Industrialville. To bastardize my buddy Brando Robert Duvall* from Apocalypse Now:

I love the smell of PCBs in the morning.

Which brings me to the not-so-small rock gracing the beginning of this post and the subject of mind fucks. I found this item on Gardiner Avenue just north of Varick Street. For those of you who are not in the know this rock is located on a rather sizable plot of land owned by the Department of Sanitation. This facility is patrolled by a security guard who I had the pleasure of meeting. He was your average Joe with a job to do; in this case, preventing people (ostensibly terrorists) from photographing their installation. Our conversation started as follows:

You can’t photograph that.

He said. To wit I replied:

I’m not going to argue with you, but could you tell me why this rock is painted green?

“That rock belongs to the Department of Sanitation” he said “and they do not want anyone taking photographs of their facility”.

Understood.

I said. “Believe you me the last place I want to hang out at on a pretty day like this is a waste transfer facility on Whale Creek. I simply like to photograph oddities. Take that truck down the street, for example…

bettybooptruck

…I’ve found Betty Boop on more things than you can possibly imagine. Just a couple weeks ago a found a refrigerator covered in Betty Boop stickers. I took a photograph of that too. As for that rock, well, I suppose it makes sense that the Department of Sanitation would paint it green. As you said, it is their rock and they can do with it whatever they wish. There are a lot of big rocks in this area. Many of them are painted and I have taken photographs of a number of them. There’s one at the intersection George Street and Evergreen Avenue someone has clad in plaid.

plaidrock

I really like that one.”

sandgravel

There’s also a rather nice boulder at the corner of Vandervoort Avenue and Division Place. It advertises sand and gravel for sale. A pretty witty selling tool if you ask me.

therock

Then of course there’s the rock at Morgan Avenue and Rock Street.

bigassrockgone

That one has since been removed. Why I don’t know. Some people thought it was ugly but I rather liked it.

And then you have Arbitration Rock. Haven’t seen that one yet but I plan to!

It was at this point my new friend smiled. I suspect his years of experience informed him that a daft 30-something broad clad in pink pants, pink shoes, pink shirt, pink jacket and pink hair held at bay with an aqua blue bandanna (I lost my pink one a month ago) babbling about North Brooklyn’s boulders did not constitute a security breach. At least not one worth contacting the authorities about. Long story made short he relented and let me take a photograph of the Department of Sanitation’s rock.

Whoever you are security dude I will be eternally grateful to your generosity for allowing me to add this big boy to my collection. Thanks!

Miss Heather

*See comments.

New & Noteworthy: Pink Crack Kills

April 6, 2009 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Bushwick 

pinkcrackkillsrayliotta

I have long been of the opinion that the very special place that is Bushwick is sorely under-represented in the Brooklyn blogosphere. Needless to say when I received the following email I was tickled pink to learn the good news about Pink Crack Kills:

I like your blog about shit. I know that you stray to other topics, which is important, but the underlying thread that really makes the posts a part of a bigger whole is shit, and that’s good. I too, have a blog that deals with Brooklyn’s unsanitary side. It’s really the web presence for a zine that I, along with a few friends, publish a few times a year, but one of our favorite topics is used condoms on the streets of NYC. The vast majority of these come from Bushwick because I live there and I’m pretty sure we have more used condoms per capita than any other neighborhood in the 5 boroughs. My eyes however, are always open and my camera always ready, so Williamsburg and the ever-elusive Manhattan street condom show up whenever I see them… So I guess what I’m trying to say is check us out.

Jonathan W. Smith, C.E.O. pinkcrackkills.com

Check them out I did. Not only did I find some of the promised used prophylactics but gems such as the photograph gracing the beginning of this post were also awaiting my delectation. Congratulations Bushwick, you have finally gotten the web presence you so richly deserve. Check it out!

Miss Heather

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