High Velocity Vomit Spatter

February 21, 2007 by
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic, Vomit 


After a pleasurable day trip last Saturday, my husband and I came home to find a new pool spatter of vomit on our landing. By all appearances it looks like the author of this puke leaned over the railing of the third or fourth floor and let it rip. Or at least this is what my Court T.V. viewing habits would lead me to believe.

This still blights my building as I write this post. And there it will remain until someone cleans it up. It sure as fuck isn’t gonna be me, I’ll tell you that much. I did my good deed two years ago. I had to; it was stinking up the entire second floor.

It was the morning of the Puerto Rican Day parade. It was already getting very balmy when my husband and I left the apartment at 11:00 a.m. When we arrived home two hours later (after running errands) our senses were assaulted by one of the most vile odors I have ever smelled in my life. I’m talking about the kind of stink that makes your eyes water. Bad.

Covering my mouth, I looked around the foyer of our building to find the source. This didn’t take long: someone had puked BEHIND the door leading to the stairwell. As shit-faced as this person was, he (or she) had the presence of mind to ‘hide’ it. I still chuckle at this stupid and futile gesture.

Naturally, I brought this to the attention of the Stupor— and he did what he does best: absolutely nothing. I finally broke down and cleaned it up one hour later. I suppose this was (is?) still better than giant puke monster that inhabits my floor now. At least that one was good for a laugh.

My neighbor in apartment #8 and I have a very good idea who is responsible for this (latest) incident. This is not a very difficult task given that there are only 8 occupied apartments in this building; once you rule out my floor and all the older married couples, only one apartment is left.

Miss Heather

P.S.: I have added this item to my “House of Pain“. If the latest building-wide scuttlebutt is true, I suspect there will be much, much more to come. So stay tuned. Word has it that apartment 6 has been rented out to an old Polish man who “reeks of alcohol”. Great.


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