Two Things That Don’t Go Very Well Together

September 12, 2008 by
Filed under: Bushwick, Urban Artifact, Williamsburg 

On September 11, 2008 Mark India commented (in regards to this post):

…And really, this is New York. Are you telling me you’ve ALWAYS obeyed EVERY traffic sign?*

Well as a motorist I have. Here’s why: I have never driven an automobile in this city nor do I ever intend to. As a matter of fact if it has wheels chances are you will not be seeing me operating it anytime soon. Two things I have had to cope with in my life are limitations and anger management. When it comes to operating a vehicle I have learned that the former informs the latter. I am not a terribly patient person— and driving in New York City requires a lion’s share of this gift. One I simply do not possess. Therefore I have found it to be in my (and probably the PUBLIC’S) best interest to leave my mobility to my own two feet, the MTA or (if I’m feeling lucky) a cabbie.

Sure, I still find myself muttering “Who the fuck taught this clown how to drive?”. OFTEN. But I am not manning two tons of steel when I do so. The way I see it I can either:

  1. Reform each and every idiotic operator of a moving vehicle personally or
  2. Remove myself from interfacing with said motorists.

Realizing point #2, dear readers, was A BIG MILESTONE regarding anger management for me. I leave my transportation needs to the professionals. What’s more walking has opened up a whole new world for me. I see things I would never have noticed if I was speeding around in a car. FUN THINGS. Like this.

I found this card on Graham Avenue near Scholes Street. Terrified —yet amused— I picked it up. Here’s what I found on the back.

The next time I find myself asking how some clown learned how to drive I will have the answer: El Payasito! I wonder if he drives a SUV like this?

In all seriousness folks, clowns and auto school advertising do not mix.

Miss Heather

*I’m just busting your chops, Mark. No ill will intended— and I hope none was taken. We’re all hypocrites anyway— I just happen to be one who is tired of dodging bikes and landing on the hood of cars**. Imagine how many more good motorists New York City would have if they simply turned in their keys and rode the bus! 🙂

**I have only done this once (and for the record I had the right of way). Trust me, one time is enough.


2 Comments on Two Things That Don’t Go Very Well Together

  1. bitchcakes on Fri, 12th Sep 2008 1:54 pm
  2. OH.

    That ad is terrifying!! And hilarious!!! Do you think *that* is the instructor that shows up to drive around with you?! What on earth were those people thinking??

    I, too, have serious anger/road rage tendencies and drove in and through NYC for 20 years. Getting rid of my car is probably the best thing I have ever done for my mental health. And I agree, I love how much more I get to experience by getting around on foot.

  3. PistolsAndPopcorn on Sat, 13th Sep 2008 11:11 pm
  4. eh – I’m totally titillated by the ad. If I was sixteen and wanted to learn to drive I would absolutely go to this place because judging by the flyer, they were taking the same drugs I was. Also, I’m pretty sure I can speak Spanish when I’m high. So.

    I gave up the cars, too. It is a happier life for sure.

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