Crosstown Local Cavalade Volume III: Subway Smackdown

February 3, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

I am not big on dance music. Sure, I have a fair measure of the genre socked away in my I-tunes, but when Ultra. Dance rolls out their latest compilation of “hits” I cringe. Before you cry “hypocrite!” let me clarify the reason for my distaste: looking at skanktastic syphilitic sylphs while waiting for the G train is not my cup of tea. And each year Ultra Dance makes sure I do just this. For a very, VERY, long time. 2008 has proven to be no exception.

In the spirit that is Superbowl Sunday I thought it would be fun to showcase two takes on the same subway poster: Ultra. Dance 09. Today’s subway smackdown features the usual suspects/adversaries: Williamsburg versus Greenpoint.

First up: Metropolitan Avenue

Metropolitan Avenue Ultra Dance 09

Not bad, though I personally would have explored her possible eating disorder, bad dye job and contact lenses.

Second up: Greenpoint Avenue

Popeye

Is she supposed to be Popeye or Paris Hilton? I don’t know, but either way, this is a definite improvement. Why else would she have a phat wad of bennies tucked in her skivvies?

Bikini, Jesus and Weenie

Greenpoint wins by a nose!

Told Ya

Or would that be a head?

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo du Jour: Wyckoff Avenue

February 3, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Violation Removal

The Jefferson Street stop of the L sports some of the jauntiest storefronts yours truly has seen in a very long time. Take Guerrero’s Violation Removal. If I ever have the need for an architect, engineer, plumber or contractor this is where I am going. Is it the cactus beckoning at the front door, the Piet Mondrian-esque front door or the festive mural? Methinks it is the mural: I never knew New York City had a waterfall. Fuck Coney Island: next summer I am packing my beach towel, bathing suit and Coppertone and coming here.

Miss Heather

Superbowl Party, Greenpoint Style

February 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I suspect it is safe to speculate that a number of the people reading this post are busy getting ready for this weekend’s Superbowl festivities. While I think it is pretty neat that New York made it this year, I am not big on sports and will probably find some other way to amuse myself. The way I see it, there are more than enough people here in the Garden Spot to celebrate on my behalf. What’s more, the party has already begun!

Party Hard

Or maybe it never ended?

Tree Pit one

For all I know this could be a holdover from Superbowl XXV.

Tree Pit two

This might sound silly, but wouldn’t it be a lot easier (and cheaper) if they bought one LARGE bottle of Jack Daniels instead of fifteen smaller ones? Of course I simply might be missing something.

Street Cabinet

I do not think placing cabinetry in a busy thoroughfare is a good idea, but clearly they think otherwise. I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo du Jour: Won’t You Be His Neighbor?

February 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Is anyone out there looking for:

  • Some palettes?
  • An automotive fender?
  • A magazine rack?
  • A couple of 4 by 12s?
  • A large print Bible?
  • A Mr. Rogers record (featuring the smash hit “You Can Never Go Down the Drain”)?

If so, I am pleased to announce that this lot on Broadway has everything you need…

Pile of stuff

and much, much more!

Mr. Rogers

Poor Mr. Rogers. He wanted a place of his own and look what he got: thrown onto the trash heap. To quote what a very wise man once said in the movie Better Off Dead:

Now that’s a real shame when folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that.

Have you no shame, Bushwick?!? That’s okay Fred, we Greenpointers will be more than happy to be your neighbor.

Miss Heather

Has Anyone Seen Poffy?

February 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Lost Puppy

I found the above flier while walking down Harmon Street yesterday afternoon. As a number of you are probably aware, this makes two stolen Maltese dogs in the span of one week. Although this may sound kooky to some I am getting the distinct impression there are people in our fine borough who make their livelihood by stealing and selling dogs.

If any of you have seen Poffy please contact her rightful owner at the above phone number. The practice of stealing pets like they are so much chattel is disgusting. Seriously folks, this needs to stop.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Cavalcade, Volume II: Bedford-Nostrand

February 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy 

TWAT

This creative use of lettering hails from none other than Bedford Stuyvesant. Shortly after I took this photo a Queens-bound train pulled into the station. I couldn’t believe my good luck!

One G train patron, however, was not so lucky. When he (a man wearing a three piece suit no less) asked of his fellow mass transitters:

This train goes to Manhattan, right?

they looked at him like he had eight heads and in unison shouted a resounding NO!. Upon learning the bad news our G train greenhorn decided against consulting the subway map posted immediately behind him and exited the train; thus exchanging a merely bad decision for even worse one. I wonder how long it took him to find a train that could take him to Manhattan?

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Green Street

February 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Rob Paul for President

This has got to be one of the oddest juxtapositions I have ever seen. Seriously.

Skulls

Who knew Ron Paul was so punk rock? Silly me. I thought he was merely a Libertarian nut job.

Oh wait, that’s being redundant. Nevermind.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Cavalade: Volume I

February 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

A long time ago a coworker (Queens ex-pat) of my father warned me about the dangers of New York City:

When it’s warm they come out. The weirdos and the freaks. Be careful.

Little did this woman know that I am both a weirdo and a freak. That’s the only reason I can muster as to why I take pride in patronizing the G train. And the G train I have patronized a lot of late.

Sure I have to wait— AND WAIT— on occasion, but my fellow Crosstowners make this an enjoyable experience by annotating and/or collaging subway posters. Here is today’s offering from Greenpoint Avenue.

Sta-Puftland

I hate post 9/11 cinematic apocalyptic New York City schlock. Is this really the best Hollywood can do? Really. If it is, god help us all.

Sta-Puft Defends

But at least I can sleep safe at night knowing Mr. Sta-Puft is ready, willing and able to beat down Cloverfield monster ass.

Miss Heather

Jean-Paul Sartre Meets Knickerbocker Avenue

February 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Bushwick 

Every time I think I have seen it all (in the way of curious and repulsive architecture) something reminds me I haven’t.

Case in point:

White Stripes

This is by far one of the ugliest things I have ever seen.

Jimmy Legs writes regarding this post:

Bushwick is lousy with da chrome. i especially like it when they pair the shiny gates with a couple of plaster eagles or lions. classy!

No Exit

I like it when they pair chrome with a fire exit fifteen (plus) feet above street level. Break a leg or burn to death? There’s a decision I’d prefer not to make.

Miss Heather