Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Beware

December 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

There’s a sausage creature on the loose. The word on the street is he has been spotted on Greenpoint Avenue —along with Green Day.

Miss Heather

Tis The Season: Kicking It Off!

December 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Queens 

It’s already beginning to look a lot like Christmas in and around the Garden Spot of the Universe. To this end I have decided to kick off my (hopefully) daily revue of Yuletide goodness from Greenpoint and beyond in grand style. In addition to featuring Christmas decor which graces homes I have decided to throw in some choice decorations from retail establishments. My reasons for doing so will become all too apparent later in this post. Enjoy!

This, my favorite Greenpoint feline from Kent Street, senses holiday spirit in the air!

Ever since this pharmacy (on Manhattan Avenue) featured a replica of the Empire State Building made of Fleet enema boxes back in 2002 I am always eager to see what they whip up.

While a bit of a disappointment (I mean, how could one honestly expect to top an edifice made of implements used to irrigate certain orifice?) this juxtaposition does have a certain charm.

However, if you want to get your sensuous Santa on make your way to the 7 train without delay and head over to Jackson Heights.

Why not get things started with a few naughty MAD LIBS underneath the mistletoe? As you can see it is a best seller at this Duane Reade (located at 73-01 37th Avenue). Need stocking stuffers? No worries. Roosevelt Avenue has ‘em!

Who wouldn’t be delighted to receive this lovely work of art on Christmas Day (or at the office party)? I know I would! Of course such occasions demand proper apparel.

I don’t think I would want this chap coming down my chimney. What in god’s name has he stuffed in his pants? A bear claw?

HO! HO! HO!

What does this naughty little Santa’s helper hang on her bush, you ask?

Cock rings, anal beads and Spanish fly! DUH.

So you’ve got your Mad Libs, stripper sculpture (and/or other life style accessories), you and yours are dressed up and the Christmas tree is festooned with anal beads of many colors. You’re pimped up and ready to ho down. Now what?

The wine, of course. Yes, this bottle says exactly what you think it does.

Quite a bit(ch), as a matter of fact.

This libation can be found right here in Greenpoint at none other than Dandy Wine.

Home of Greenpoint’s foremost bitch: Miss Bonita.

Dandy Wine
153 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Video Du Jour: Leftovers

November 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

This weekend George Diaz (of Latino Laughter renown) was kind enough to share a anecdote from his childhood with me. Those of you who have the pleasure of making George’s acquaintance probably know his tales are rarely of the Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm variety. The story I heard this Friday was no exception: it was about how a cockroach managed to crawl into his ear as a child and he had to go to a doctor to get it removed. The doctor not only extracted this critter with a pair of tweezers but also went to the trouble of stomping on it so George and his mother could see all the blood it had consumed.

As you can probably imagine the previous was not something I wanted to hear about while eating a taco. Noting my disgust George apologized. Nonetheless, for the past 48 hours I have been unable purge the previous imagery from my mind. It is now and (probably) forever seared into my memory. What’s more, it’s pretty damned gross. Probably more disgusting (although not by much) as this little bit of footage from Manhattan Avenue today. Enjoy! Bon apetit!

It would appear that we humans are not the only ones deluged with holiday leftovers.

Is it just me or is it sort of disturbing that this pigeon is (more or less) eating one of its own kind?

Miss Heather

Jackson Heights Photos du Jour

November 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Queens 

As I have previously mentioned the Mister and I spent our Black Friday in Jackson Heights. Follow are a few sights I found of particular interest. Enjoy!

Krishna, Radha and surveillance camera a la 74th Street.

The first family elect holds court on 82nd Street.

Here’s a few Roosevelt Avenue sombreros.

I love this guy.

And last but hardly least.

This item is by far the best bit of Obamabilia I have seen to date. Screw the New York Times, at Chez Shitty this is the periodical which will get framed and hung on these here walls!

Miss Heather

Get Your Hanukkah On: Greenpoint Style

November 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

When one reads about a temporary worker being trampled to death by a horde of eager Walmart goers it is easy enough to forget that this is upcoming holiday season isn’t just about pommeling total strangers for a widescreen television to place under the Christmas tree. It is also the time many of us drink ourselves silly and our fellow friends of the book celebrate Hanukkah. For those of you who are among the latter and plan to engage in the previous (humanity may differ in their mode of worship but we all have one thing in common: one can only handle so much “family togetherness”) the following items might be of interest. Enjoy!

Oenophiles will undoubtedly find this item of interest: a menorah cork. Simply put, you place the cork in a wine or “any other sturdy bottle” and you’re good to go! This item can be found at none other than Fred Flare.

Fred Flare
131 Meserole Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

You can also order this item online by clicking here.

Let’s suppose for a moment that the previous item is a little too labor intensive for your taste. Procuring a wine/malt liquor/other bottle and affixing the “menorah cork” to it in the prescribed manner takes up too much of your valuable time. You want your booze and menorah in one convenient package. If so, I have some very good news.

The above item is available at T & N Wine And Liquor. I have been told it is brandy from either Armenia or Georgia. No word on whether or not it is any good. But as the Mister always says:

If it doesn’t make you blind you can always use it for paint thinner.

T & N Wine And Liquor
893 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

If anyone tries this product by all means share your review. My curiosity is killing me (but not enough so as to offer myself as a guinea pig).

Miss Heather

Christmas Comes Early To Long Island City

November 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City 

It would appear that Santa and his little helpers are busy dismantling what is arguably the ugliest building in Queens and possibly the entire city. I suspect I speak for many when I say goodbye and good riddance.

Miss Heather

Woodside Photos du Jour: 61st Street

November 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Queens 

These photographs hail from the 61st Street stop of the 7 train. While the Mister and I were waiting for the local (to take us to Jackson Heights) I became enamored of the lamp posts at this station. Since I had plenty of time on my hands I shot some snaps of them. Enjoy!

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photos du Jour: Vintage Bridge

November 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

I’m not too sure when these photographs (which I hail from the junk shop) were taken but I found them compelling nonetheless. Enjoy!

This post is dedicated to the city of Mumbai.

Miss Heather

Best. Subway Announcer. EVER.

November 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Greenpoint Magic, Queens 

G train patrons are used to getting the shaft. Once we had not just the G but also the GG. The previous was an express line, the latter was local. As you can see nowadays it’s all local —and soon to be even even more so. A reader of mine wrote:

…did you see this thing about the g-train? What does halved G service mean? Half as many trains or half as many stops? I assume this means Greenpoint’s gentrification is essentially over?

Does this surprise me? Hardly. The MTA has harbored a hard-on to cut off service to Forest Hills for a very long time. Given the Solomon-like wisdom the our rapid transit system exercises I suspect they’ll cut G train riders in half and demand $1.25 a ride for ransom. The same goes for (J)M(Z) trainers. What happens in working class Brooklyn doesn’t matter. Keeping up appearances in Manhattan (for the turistas) is what’s important. Priorities folks, priorities.

The previsou having been said we Crosstown Locals have one thing to be can be proud of: finest subway announcer I have ever had the pleasure of listening to. The MTA can cut service and up subway fares all they want but if they fire this dude I’ll be PISSED. ROYALLY.

Hmm… haven’t I heard this voice before?

Open the pod bay doors, Hal!

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Sunset On Black Friday

November 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

As the Mister and I were knocking around Jackson Heights yesterday we noticed the absolutely breathtaking sunset. We were not able to get a photograph of it. Thankfully Greenpoint’s very own mugsniffer did. He writes:

View from my Greenpoint apartment, now marred by the bulky EDGE building along the waterfront.

Regardless it’s a damned nice photo. You can see more great Greenpoint imagery a la mugsniffer by clicking here.

Miss Heather