Code Brown: McGuinness Blvd.

April 18, 2006 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit 

Anyone familiar with the northernmost part of Greenpoint will tell you that it is not a very nice place. If anyone ever tries to tell you anything else to the contrary, RUN! He or she is probably a real estate broker, developer, or some other hitherto-unknown creature whose agenda is to separate you from your money.

Don’t believe me? Check this out.
Scroll down to “My Landlord can beat up Your Landlord”. Read it.

Who wrote this, you ask? Yours truly.

Slumlords, gang-banger wannabes, pipe/machete wielding Dominicans/Puerto Ricans/Mexicans, and crackheads aside, another distinguishing feature of this area is dog shit. LOTS of dog shit. ASTRONOMICAL amounts of dog shit.

Just to see if anything has changed since I lived there, I went down to my old ‘hood this morning. Specifically, I went to the area I consider ‘dog shit central’: McGuinness Blvd. between Eagle and Box St.

Upon cursory inspection, I noticed that a handful of the grassy areas between Box and Clay Street have since been filled with cement. My guess is that this measure was taken to discourage dogs from crapping in these beds. Did this deterrent appear to work? Yes. Did it cut down the overall amount of dog shit? NO.

While I applaud the motivation behind such a measure, the underlying logic is blissfully naive. Clearly, whoever concocted this scheme did not take into account how persistent the local populace is regarding the avoidance of cleaning up their dog shit. Ironically, filling in these beds (where one is less likely to step in the shit contained therein) has resulted in dog shit being placed right smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk (where one is more likely to step into a pile of crap).

Way to go, Einstein. Keep it up and maybe one day you’ll be elected president.



Mission Statement

April 17, 2006 ·
Filed under: Mission Statement 

As you can probably deduce from the title of this blog, I live in Green Brownpoint, Brooklyn. About a week ago, on my one block walk to the Franklin Corner Store to get a sandwich, I was astonished at the sheer quantity of dog shit I encountered. Green Street is not the easiest sidewalk to negotiate: the sidewalks are uneven and pock-marked with holes. Dodging piles of dog shit every five feet does not make this task any easier.

It was during this adventure through Poopland that I had the following epiphany:

1. This is ridiculous.
2. I wonder if the people who see fit to use my block as an open sewer would like it if I took a shit in the middle of their living room? Probably not.
3. This is like walking through a fucking mine field.
4. If Queen Noor (and Lady Diana before her) can be advocates against the use of land mines, perhaps I can raise awareness about the plague of unattended dog shit in my neighborhood? Call me the Dog Shit Queen of Greenpoint. I’ve been called worse.

What you can expect this blog to feature:

1. Dog shit. When I see dog shit, I am taking a picture of it, and will document the date and the location.

2. A “Crap Map”. This map will be the result of data I compile (as outlined in #1) and (hopefully) will provide an easy reference for anyone who wants to know where worst (s)hit areas are— and perhaps even where the worst offenders live. It is prudent to assume that if these dog owners are too lazy to clean up their own dog shit, they probably do not take much time walking their dogs in the first place.

3. If and/or when I find a particularly choice specimen (READ: a particularly LARGE, sculptural or just plain repulsive bowel movement), it will be showcased as “The Dung of the Day”. I am accepting submissions for this prestigious title.

As Flava Flav would say, “Lets get this party started right”.

I found the following turdage 4/17/06 on Green St. between Manhattan Ave. and Franklin St.

inaugural dog shit

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