I have said it before and I’ll say it again. Nothing has facilitated the culture of narcissism in this country more than the cellular phone. No matter where I go someone will undoubtedly be jawing or texting away with total abandon. When I go to the grocery store I will be invariably be stuck behind some woman multi-tasking a stroller, tendering her credit card and yammering away. BADLY. Restaurants are fair game as well. While I’m trying to savor my enchilada I am edified about how Lauren couldn’t possibly be Jewish because she is from Nebraska. I recently came home from dinner in Sunnyside via the B24. The entire ride home I had to listen to the bus driver in a heated argument with his girlfriend about something or other via his Bluetooth.I don’t know what it was about and I don’t want to know; I just want to get back to Greenpoint alive. Is this so much to ask? For a measly $2.00 (and given the MTA’s current financial woes), perhaps it is. But back to the purpose of this post.
In addition to impolite cell phone users yours truly also hates shouting. Unless there is a damned good reason to shout (e.g.; someone is about to walk in front of a moving bus, Barack Obama is elected president, New Year’s Eve, a rousing round of the World Cup, being batshit crazy, etc.) I see no reason for to engage in this practice.
Therefore you can imagine my delight when I had the pleasure of listening to some man scream profanity like a howler monkey into his cell phone for a solid twenty minutes last night in front of my apartment building. I was not prepared (How can one be ready for such an eventuality?) but I did manage to get some usable footage (crank up the volume for maximum f-bombtastic fun!). I’m not too sure what set him off. I think it is about a $400 phone bill. Or something. In any case be patient and savor “Moonshine Soliloquy” at the end. It’s worth the wait.
In the clarity that is 20/20 hindsight I could have assisted this chap. Mister Heather has a stash of applejack. I could have readily offered this to this gent in exchange for him shutting the fuck up. Or I simply could have dumped it on his head and lit a match. Either way it would have been a sad waste of hard liquor.
Image Credit: hdforindies.com
Speaking as someone who was once in management and as such had the pleasure of drafting* and receiving many an assholic memorandum in my day, I have to say this is one of the finest specimens I have ever seen.
Sharpie marker + a piece of a plywood = ONE CLASSY OPERATION.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
*Regarding such delightful subjects as:
- Please refrain from stealing other people’s food from the office fridge.
- Please refrain from physically threatening people who steal your food from the office fridge.
- Please refrain from urinating and defecating on the floor of the men’s bathroom.
From Manhattan Avenue.
Not only were our very own Shit Tits given a nod by New York Magazine* as being one of the finest examples of new architecture/design in the entire city, but our fair burgh will also be the subject matter of WNYC’s** Christmas card this holiday season! How do I know this, you ask? Very simple. They sent me an email telling me so:
Congratulations â€“ we have selected your photo to be on the holiday card this year.
Weâ€™ll send you some of them when they are printed.
A pretty spiffy shot if I say so myself! Although to be perfectly frank I would have gone with this.
*Who failed to mention one of the very finest aspects of our “girls”: when it is misty at night (as it will probably be this evening) the sky above them glows blue!
**Whose first transmitter was located here, by the way. Go to the end of Greenpoint Avenue and see for yourself!
Filed under: Brooklyn
Those of you who have a eye for detail will find this one to be a slam dunk. Otherwise if you need a hint (or simply want to see a beautiful Brooklyn family from yesteryear) you can click here.
Jay (the tipster who brought this morsel of Craigslist goodness to my attention) writes:
Since when is Greenpoint “the safest neighborhood in New York”? Isn’t this a few blocks away from Club Exit? 4! minutes. not 5 to the midtown tunnel. If it was 5 I’d have to reconsider. very high ceilings – no shit. it’s a CHURCH.
I’ll take it, but only if I get to fedderize it.
Don’t believe that our very own St. Elias has been banished to the real estate limbo that is Craigslist? Click on the above screencap or go to craigslist and see for yourself. Sorry scenesters, no dance clubs allowed.
P.S.: Only $400,000? Where do I sign?
I have a confession to make: I love this house. It looks like it is grimacing. And when you take into account this domicile has to stand watch over the BQE and Meeker Avenue day after day I can’t really say I blame it!
P.S.: Those of you who are wondering what a “Mooninite” is should point and click your way over here.
Photo Credit: Victoria Belanger
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From India Street.