So you live in north Brooklyn and are a veritable commuting Casanova. What’s more, you are really proud of your conquests. What do you do?
- Keep a diary of your sexual prowess.
- Call your friends and tell them every salacious detail.
- Document your activities on a subway map at the Lorimer Street stop of the L for all to enjoy.
If you picked item #3 CONGRATULATIONS! You are worthy of calling yourself a true Williamsburger!
Hmm, what do we have here? A three-way in Crown Heights. Kinky!
A friend of mine recently told me about growing up in Midwood. He said it was boring. Obviously he didn’t know the right people.
You know when I see shit like this I realize how very, painfully, EXCRUCIATINGLY dull my life really is. Damn.
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
If what I saw while knocking around Greenpoint yesterday was any indication, there was a lot of “armer” being “sprayed”.
On September 11, 2008 Mark India commented (in regards to this post):
…And really, this is New York. Are you telling me youâ€™ve ALWAYS obeyed EVERY traffic sign?*
Well as a motorist I have. Here’s why: I have never driven an automobile in this city nor do I ever intend to. As a matter of fact if it has wheels chances are you will not be seeing me operating it anytime soon. Two things I have had to cope with in my life are limitations and anger management. When it comes to operating a vehicle I have learned that the former informs the latter. I am not a terribly patient person— and driving in New York City requires a lion’s share of this gift. One I simply do not possess. Therefore I have found it to be in my (and probably the PUBLIC’S) best interest to leave my mobility to my own two feet, the MTA or (if I’m feeling lucky) a cabbie.
Sure, I still find myself muttering “Who the fuck taught this clown how to drive?”. OFTEN. But I am not manning two tons of steel when I do so. The way I see it I can either:
- Reform each and every idiotic operator of a moving vehicle personally or
- Remove myself from interfacing with said motorists.
Realizing point #2, dear readers, was A BIG MILESTONE regarding anger management for me. I leave my transportation needs to the professionals. What’s more walking has opened up a whole new world for me. I see things I would never have noticed if I was speeding around in a car. FUN THINGS. Like this.
I found this card on Graham Avenue near Scholes Street. Terrified —yet amused— I picked it up. Here’s what I found on the back.
The next time I find myself asking how some clown learned how to drive I will have the answer: El Payasito! I wonder if he drives a SUV like this?
In all seriousness folks, clowns and auto school advertising do not mix.
*I’m just busting your chops, Mark. No ill will intended— and I hope none was taken. We’re all hypocrites anyway— I just happen to be one who is tired of dodging bikes and landing on the hood of cars**. Imagine how many more good motorists New York City would have if they simply turned in their keys and rode the bus!
**I have only done this once (and for the record I had the right of way). Trust me, one time is enough.
From the corner of Meserole and Humboldt Street.
First up I have been advised there are still seats available for this weekend’s cruise up shit creek. Anyone interested in enjoying this upcoming Sunday by having “an intense Newtown Creek exploration” on a “comfortable charter boat” should can purchase tickets via:
I have been told complimentary soft drinks and snacks will be served.
Newtown Creek Boat Tour
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Boat leaves at 1:00 p.m. from the Skyport Marina at East 23rd Street
This FREE screening series, brings the very best in local filmmaking to Brooklyn. The debut show on September 14th will feature Matthew Lessner’s Darling Darling, starring our favorite awkward teen from Juno and Arrested Development, Michael Cera, Astronauts Visit New York by Joanne Getson and Carmen by Leat Klingman, Reâ€™ut Ben-Zeâ€™ev, and Claudia La Rocco.
NYC’s Best Film Shorts
September 14, 2008 (second Tuesday of every month thereafter)
195 Morgan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11237
Doors open at 7:00 p.m. Interested attendees should RSVP via email at: moviehouse (at) 3rdward (dot) com
Filed under: Williamsburg
I discovered this missive recently on Broadway. I thought it was damned funny so I took a photograph of it. Then I swung over to Graham Avenue and learned that I hadn’t seen NOTHING yet!
Behold the lap of luxury in north Brooklyn.
One would think with all the austerity measures the builder of this, a most novel approach to luxury, he or she could at least invest in a decent light fixture. The way things are going they’ll be pitching indoor plumbing or heated squat toilets as “luxury amenities” soon enough.
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Now that summer is officially over I am pretty stoop-saled out! But when I found this flier for a mega sale I knew it was too good not to pass along. They’re even selling cupcakes!
Saturday, September 13, 2008 9:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m.
126-130 Calyer Street (between Clifford and Guernsey Street)
Brooklyn, New York 11222
One thing I have observed thus far in my boobification project is when people (especially men) see me walking purposely down the street with a pair rubber tits they leave you alone. Sure they will watch me attach these appendages to one piece of public property or another and take a photograph of it. But nary soul has bothered to ask me what I am doing. Or why. Until yesterday on Kent Avenue, that is.
20-Something Man With Camera:
Why are you molesting that hydrant?
Miss Heather: I’m a pervert. I can’t help myself. I’m taking the girls to East Williamsburg next.
He thought this was incredibly funny. I suppose it is— but the way I see it there are two kinds of people in this world:
- The ones who ask why you are molesting a fire hydrant.
- The ones who ask why you aren’t molesting a fire hydrant.
Given all the shit I have seen in New York Shitty I suspect the latter group is much larger than many of you think!
P.S.: You can see more Brooklyn boobification pix by clicking here!
It wasn’t until we looked at this photograph (taken by Mr. Heather) later that we realized he had caught a plane piercing the one of the ghost towers. Weird.
Filed under: Williamsburg
From Wythe Avenue.