Butt Ugly In Bed Stuy

May 30, 2008 by
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Fedders Friday 

(Or, the Gruesome Twosome)

I have been hard pressed to find something that can begin to approach the Fedders fineness of last week’s offering. After all, how can one possibly top medical waste boxes chained to burglar bars? To this end I have decided to feature two buildings from Bed Stuy. I have taken to calling them “The Gruesome Twosome”. The reason I have given them this moniker will become all too clear soon enough.

This beauty hails from the intersection of Stuyvesant Avenue and Lexington. Note that the city has bothered to place a reproduction vintage lamp post on this corner. This attempt at beautification is totally undermined by the steaming pile of doo-doo behind it. Follows are a few of my favorite accouterments:

  1. The phlegm-colored awning gracing the right-hand property.
  2. A rather tall fence demarcating the property. If you look carefully you will notice this fence is grey to the right and white to the left. I guess they couldn’t make up their mind.
  3. Exposed gutters: a must for any Fedders worth a lick of salt.

Let’s look around back, shall we?

Ah yes, what would a Fedders Special be without balconies overlooking what appears to be a garage! Note that the lower balcony has been partially painted black. Did they run out of paint? Is this some form of artistic expression? I suppose only they know for certain.

The overall cold-war era feel is augmented by the grey sheet metal doors, exposed cinder blocks and aluminum chimneys. Methinks this building should be named the Sofia Mews— as in Sofia, Bulgaria.

Welcome to the People’s Democratic Republic of Bedford Stuyvesant! Best to mind you P’s and Q’s. Big Brother is watching.

I like to call this photograph Ye Olde Soviet Rust. I can almost hear Khrushchev using a piece of footwear improperly from here…

As with any worker’s paradise, the need for housing for the proletariat is paramount. Thankfully the above beauty has a companion a short distance away on Greene Avenue.

If you worked all week fighting Capitalist swine, you’d be home by now!

Parking for members of the Politburo only.

Great Jumping Yankee Satan’s underpants! Ain’t no way NATO is getting through these doors!

In the event of Free-Market Capitalist military aggression, please head to the bomb shelter conveniently located down stairs.

Numbers?!? Those are decadent! That $1.99 a number could be spent on building munitions. A piece of chalk or pencil will suffice, Comrade.

All you Capitalist pig dogs out there, listen up:

We will bury you

…under ass ugly architecture, that is!*

Miss Heather

*Big props go to Jayspec for coming up with this one!


One Comment on Butt Ugly In Bed Stuy

  1. jayspec on Fri, 30th May 2008 10:49 am
  2. We will bury you… Under disgusting architecture!

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