From The New York Shitty Inbox: Raccoons In Greenpoint?

A lady named Sophia (who sent me the above photo, which I have taken the liberty of annotating) writes:

Im not sure how news worthy this is, but last night around 2am not one, not two, but three raccoons were milling around on the deck of my backyard! They seemed very unafraid of coming so close to the house, and ended up coming right up to the glass and looking in, basically having a staring contest of sorts with my cat through the backyard door.  Even turning on the deck light to get a better view did not seem to phase them. I admit it was pretty entertaining, but the damage they did to some flower beds and plants in our pond makes it a little less so. Im wondering if anyone else has spotted these fellows, i know raccoons have been seen in Greenpoint before, but this fearless crew seemed to step it up to the next level.

I’m not too certain about these fellas, Sophia. However, Greenpoint and raccoons have quite a history of coexistence. In fact, I’d go so far as to say they are an institution of sorts, not unlike Fred and Ginger, Desi and Lucy; Ron and Nancy— or even Brad and Angelina. Save of course the fact none of the previous pairs rummage through garbage cans, climb trees and are possibly carriers of rabies. Then again this has never been conclusively proven— but I digress.

Follows are some of my favorite bits of raccoon-meets-Garden Spot chicanery for everyone’s reading/viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

Greenpoint Survival Tip: A Raccoon Is NOT a Cat; published September 17, 2009

Last night at around 11:30 p.m. the cats started to collect around my bedroom window. Sure enough, our new friend was back in search for grub. He (or she) didn’t have to look very hard as one of my neighbors (who was watching with bemused interest) tossed a large hunk of naan for his culinary pleasure.

With a dull thud this landed about nine feet from our kitchen window. I decided to take action.

Hey, don’t throw food for him to eat!

I shouted.

What?

was his reply.

Me: DO NOT GIVE THIS ANIMAL FOOD. It is a raccoon.
Neighbor: ?
Me: IT IS A RACCOON.
Neighbor: What’s a raccoon?
Me: IT IS A WILD ANIMAL. It might have rabies for all we know. DON’T FEED IT!!!
Neighbor: I thought it was a cat.

Me: It’s not a cat. Don’t feed it, ok?

And with this I thought the evening’s excitement had concluded. It didn’t: my neighbor (wishing to be helpful) decided to get rid of our nocturnal visitor. His plan (throwing eggs at it) had a number of fundamental flaws. Among them:

1. As I have noted previously, a raccoon is not a cat. Throwing eggs at a cat (though I have never tried it) will probably make it go away. Throwing eggs at a hungry raccoon will not. The fertilized/unfertilized ovum of a domesticated fowl is not a deterrent to such a creature: it is a second course. As we both learned.
2. This Good Samaritan’s aim was— how should I put it— a bit “off”. Instead of reaching its intended target his salvo skidded along the rooftop and splattered my window screen with aborted chicken goodness.

What followed has to be seen to be believed.

It took me a good five minutes of beating my Maglite against the windowsill to make this scavenger go away. This din woke the Mister up and a whole new round of late night hilarity commenced. And on that note, dear readers, I am off to take up this matter with this gentleman’s landlord.

And talk to the landlord I did! Although the chaps responsible for egging my bedroom window insisted to the very end this critter was a cat, they did stop feeding it. Thus our furry little friend had to go elsewhere to get her grub— and in so doing found some, um, male “companionship” because on June 30, 2010 raccoons started falling from the sky!

From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part I: Raccoon Injured On Manhattan Avenue?

This item comes from a lady named Sophia, she writes:

Hi!

So, I’m not sure if you have any information about this, but since it’s the sort of subject matter you usually cover, I thought I’d ask. Last night at around 9:00, a baby raccoon fell onto the sidewalk on Manhattan Avenue between Green and Freeman (right in front of the Mark Bar) from where its mother had made a den in the roof of the building. It survived, but was pretty badly injured, and lay there helplessly. A crowd gathered, and three or so people (sympathetic Mark Bar patrons?) were diligently tending to the little guy while attempting to contact the appropriate City authority on their cell phones. I didn’t stick around to see how the situation resolved. Were you aware that this happened? And if so, do you have an update?

To answer Sophie’s questions, no I did not know about this— but I would love to hear an update from someone in the know. If anyone has the low down on what happened pleased tender them via comments or email at: missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com.

I asked— and my readers delivered!

From The New York Shitty Inbox: An Update Regarding The Mark Bar Raccoon; published July 1, 2010.

I asked for it and I got it: the skinny on what happened at the Mark Bar Tuesday night. K writes:

It’s true:  I first came across a baby raccoon near the Mark Bar late Tuesday night.  It was the size of a kitten, and appeared scared and lost.  I followed, then cornered it as I called 311: there was nothing anyone could do, the responder said; ASPCA was closed till morning.

Then last night there were about a half dozen police officers – and another half dozen onlookers – outside the Mark Bar with a spotlight directed toward the roof; cushions lined the sidewalk.  Sure enough, you could see raccoons scurrying about in a hole near the roof molding.  Apparently two had already fallen (hence the cushions).

I later found out the baby raccoon I tried to save on Tuesday was put to sleep.  So was an adult yesterday.  Another baby was let loose in McCarren Park; a third baby is….. well, living in a cage in the Mark Bar right now.

In addition, bleibtreu has tendered his (her?) two cents via comments:

The first good news is that the raccoon didn’t seem to be injured at all. It did lie on the ground not moving for about 90 seconds, then was up and walking. Cooperation between patrons and staff from the Mark Bar and Tommy’s Tavern brought a plastic cat carrier to the scene, and the raccoon was placed inside with the plan for someone to take him home for the night in the hopes that arrangements could be made today to get him to a safe place. I don’t know what happened with that today; a woman who had just left the Mark Bar was contacted by phone and said she worked with some wildlife organizations and may be able to find a place. Someone else had volunteered just to set it loose in his backyard.

There were at least two more still up there, peeking outside. Somebody called the police, from what I saw there was one actual cop and five or six auxiliaries standing around. After one made a crack about “target practice” and was met with anger from the crowd, they ended up doing nothing. The cop said that since there was no immediate danger it wasn’t their concern.

Another raccoon had also fallen the night before. That time, as I understand it, the police responded and took it, saying it would be euthanized — but that’s second hand. But that’s why the bar staff didn’t want NYPD to be called this time. However, no one could be reached at Animal Control and 311 had no other help to offer.

So there have you.

What ever happened to the sole surviving raccoon of this most curious (and sad) turn of events, you ask? Well “Raymond”, as he was named, was taken upstate to safely do whatever raccoons do.

What’s more, he’s really cute! It should be noted in closing that a t-shirt commemorating the “Mark Bar Raccoon Deluge” was created by Chris Smith, the genius responsible for creating this seriously awesome and quite popular Bad Brains inspired Greenpoint t-shirt. It features the above image accompanied with the following text:

Everyone Loves Raymond

When I secure an image of this item I will add it here.