In Praise Of Booty

March 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

Yesterday (for reasons unknown even to myself) I elected to walk from my apartment in Greenpoint to the Halsey Street stop of the L train. I did— and despite being a decrepit 30-something I feel no worse for wear. In fact, I enjoyed it thoroughly. During my wanderings I walked by a store called Denim Girl. Once I laid eyes upon this tee shirt in the window I knew I must possess it.

Who needs to work

Here’s the front.

When you have an ass like Uni’s

And here’s the back.

I asked Mr. Heather to model this item but he refused. In fact, the only animal at Chateau de Ghetto who would sit still long enough to pose was Uni. And despite being the incredibly sedentary creature she is even she wasn’t very big on the idea. It’s a shame. Uni has an exquisite ass: being a calico she has one red cheek and one black one. I see them up close and often in the wee hours of the morning when she decides it is time for breakfast.

Speaking of butts and breakfast, who wouldn’t want to bring home the bacon with a bad ass cart like this?

Knickerbocker’s Bad ASS Cart

Someone on Knickerbocker Avenue has very interesting taste in art.

Miss Heather

“East Williamsburg” Photo du Jour: Johnson Street

March 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

New Babies at Johnson Avenue

If you’re looking for a new or gently used baby I have good news: Johnson Street has ’em and they’re priced to move. Literally. What’s more, you can pick up a brand new bathing suit to boot!

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Love Potion #9

March 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

(or Hypocrite’s Delight)

The Spitzer Spritzer

You gotta hand it to those Williamsburgers down at Teddy’s. They understand a juicy political scandal breaking in the afternoon deserves a good drink special in the evening. I guess it was our state’s turn to take one for the team. But frankly it’s kind of disappointing compared to the naughty bits New Jersey doles out on a regular basis.

Drink up, Brooklynites! As my buddy Steve from Astoria so piquantly pointed out in the comments, they should have called it Love Potion #9.

Miss Heather

P.S.: This upcoming Wednesday, March 12 the folks at Teddy’s will be having an opening reception for a lovely set of photographs shot in Cuba by Jude Domski. Here’s a sneak peek!

Jude Domski

I cannot overemphasize how great these photographs are. Check them out for yourself!

Teddy’s
96 Berry Street
Brooklyn, New York 11211
Reception Hours: 6:00 – 8:00 p.m.

North Brooklyn Pay Phones du Jour

March 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Enticed by the beautiful weather today I opted to take a three hour walk. It was an excellent day for taking pictures.

Telebeam

The lighting was just perfect, as you can see from the above photograph which was taken on Java Street.

Graham Avenue Pay Phone

There were plenty of customized pay phones for the savoring as well, which of course is always good news to yours truly.

Humboldt Street Pay Phone

But not so great news if you happen to be a public pay phone or need to use one.

Miss Heather

THIS WEEK: Benefit for Steve Trimboli

March 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Benefit

I came across this flier on Lorimer Street today and even though it is a bit last minute I felt compelled to pass it along. As many of you are aware, Steve Trimboli is owner of Goodbye Blue Monday and is currently battling cancer. If any of you were knocking around the idea of checking out some music this week, why not give this event a whirl? It’s for a very good cause.

Grasslands Gallery
259 Kent Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11211

The show starts at 8:00 p.m. and the cost of admission is a very affordable eight bucks.

Miss Heather

Brooklyn Photos du Jour: Boro of Found Toys

March 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Together Forever

Green Street, Greenpoint

Goose with bowling pins

India Street, Greenpoint

Herbert Street Dog

Herbert Street, Greenpoint

Ariel

Bedford Avenue, Williamsburg

Tow Away Zone

Leonard Street, “East Williamsburg”

Sitting on the fence

Bushwick Avenue, Bushwick

Miss Heather

Hooking Up “East Williamsburg” Style

March 3, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

It is an all too common conundrum. You princely pup (for the purposes of this post let’s say he is a Highland Western Terrier) is lonely. Being the caring pet owner you are, you immediately put a cunning plan into action that turn your doggy’s frown upside down in no time!

Step 1: You make a flier.

WESTROCK

Step 2: Post your fliers. Where should I place them for maximum effectiveness you ask? Should I post them at the local kennel association? The ASPCA? Craigslist? Nerve.com?!? Of course not, only a practicing amateur would do that. You know how to pimp your pup right. So you gather up your fliers, grab your scotch tape and proceed to those brand spanking new bus shelters on Graham Avenue.

Kaletra

Step 3: Be sure said shelter features an advertisement for Kaletra —and for chrissakes place place your canine solicitation out of the view of small children!

This is a family-oriented neighborhood.

Miss Heather

Ad Council Intervention

February 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Vomit, Williamsburg 

Global Swarming

I encountered this nugget of Ad Council hilarity on Lorimer Street yesterday. I’m guessing the point of this advert is to inform users of the BQE (automobile drivers all) that global warming is BAD. Indeed auto emissions are bad. But smothering a building in advertecture strikes me as being somewhat worse. for this reason I felt a few modifications were in order.

Heatherized!

You know, I am getting pretty darn good at Photoshop if I may so myself.

Miss Heather

The D Word

February 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

(or Miss Heather’s Musings About The Art of the Insult)

Douche (doosh) n. (Fr. shower) 1. a. A stream of water or air applied to a bodily part or cavity for cleansing or medicinal purposes. 1. b. The application of a douche. 2. An instrument for applying a douche.

Bag (bag) n. 1. a. A usu. flexible container… *

Douche Bag (doosh bag) n. 1. A flexible container used to irrigate a woman’s vagina. 2. The insult of choice for the unimaginative.**

I recently confided my newfound hatred for this (oft employed by New York Shitty’s blogorati) epithet to a friend of mine. We despised this phrase, upon this we agreed. But the reasons for our respective distastes differed significantly. In his case, it was a matter of taste and decency. Unfettered by such concerns (after all this blog, New York Shitty, was founded on shit. Literally.) the issue (as far as my curiously eccentric world view is concerned) was one of creativity.

Sure, there was a time I invoked “douche bag”. Frequently. But once it became overused (and therefore rendered meaningless) I employed the extensive education my father provided me to come up with a replacement. Or more accurately (given Pa Heather’s predilection/gift for profanity) replacements.

  • Cock sucker
  • Dick head
  • Fuggin’ asshole
  • Homeless Boogeyman/men (courtesy of the Parks Department)
  • Pig fucker (my current favorite)

All the previous are staples in my anger arsenal. When under duress the offal that finds its way out of my mouth is much more colorful. Which brings me to the point of this post: can we exercise a little more imagination when it comes to putting down our fellow men (or women) online? Please? It’s not that hard. Follows are a few insults to get your creative juices going folks.

Exhibit A: Woodbine Street, Bushwick

Elijah Doesn’t Take Showers

Calling someone “gay” is not a well constructed insult but the lack of personal hygiene angle is compelling. The essential underpinning of a good insult is to point out an aspect of your adversary that is socially undesirable. Homosexuality does not (and should not) have the stigmatizing sting it used to. New York City is the great melting pot. And in this crucible of cultures, creeds, religions, races and yes, sexual orientations, there is one thing we all have in common: noses. People who do not shower, well, STINK.

Exhibit B: Woodbine Street, Bushwick

Elijah is a (shut your mouth)

Elijah (and his dear mother) are clearly objects of wrath on Woodbine Street.

Exhibit C: Bedford Stuyvesant

Pig Balls

Why bother blathering about incest? Sucking pig balls is much more provocative.

Still not convinced, douche bag devotees, that your affront of choice is yesterday’s news? Maybe the following anecdote will change your ways.

Hana Food

This is Hana Food Deli and Grocery. It is located at 534 Metropolitan Avenue, Williamsburg. 11211. I happened to be in the area (and very hungry) so I went inside in seek of kibble.

Douche Bag Sandwich

I always preferred my douche bag on the rocks. Shaken, not stirred. Just like James Bond. A douche bag with blue cheese dressing?!? That’s just plain gross.

PBR at Hana Food

But I suppose a douche bag tastes pretty damned good washed down with Pabst Blue Ribbon. $7.99 a twelve pack who can argue with that?

Miss Heather

P.S.: I ordered the “Sandy-wich” which was (simply put) a vegan BLT. It wasn’t bad. That said, these guys have NOTHING on the Franklin Corner Store in good ol’ Greenpoint. Andre, his son, partners and Oreo know how to make a sandwich.

*Websters II New Riverside University University Dictionary, 1984

**Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Maspeth Avenue

February 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Jolly Roger

I was under the impression that pirates preferred cable.

Miss Heather

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