Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Acceptance

From Nassau Avenue.

Miss Heather

Man Versus Farmer’s Market

It’s been a long time since I have seen (or more accurately, HEARD) a good honest-to-god rant here in Greenpoint. When Five Leaves (you know, the bar Heath Ledger built) opened I thought our days of random soap box oratory were over. The previous having been said you can imagine my delight when I stood at the corner of Norman Avenue and Lorimer Street today and overheard this.

Once I heard this chap started shouting about constipation (in front of Five Leaves, no less!) I knew I must film this. What’s more as soon as I got home I had to share the god news with Mr. Heather. He was in the bathtub reading (as is his habit). He is the Garden Spot Marat to my Greenpoint Charlotte Corday.

Miss Heather: Some guy was ranting across the street from the Farmer’s Market at McCarren Park today.
Mr. Heather: Really?
Miss Heather: Yeah, right in front of Heath Ledger’s new bar. He said something about how you have to molest a cow in order to get your milk and cheese.
Mr. Heather (who has actually worked on a farm): Actually that is true. At the very least you have to cop a feel.

I knew better than to question the rationale behind Mister Heather’s statement. Over last year’s Christmas dinner this man (for reasons only known to him) decided to describe what it is like to artificially inseminate cows. Did you know the cow will shit on you immediately afterwards? I do. Over chile rellenos and a steaming pile of REFRIED BEANS. Thanks Mr. Heather!

Miss Heather

The Halloween Parade Cometh!

I missed this last year but you can rest assured I will be there with bells on this time around! Get cracking folks— you only have ten days left to get your canine’s couture ready! The parade starts at 2:00 p.m. and “tons of giveaways, costume judging, information and grand prizes” are promised!

Halloween Parade & Party
October 26, 2008, 2:00 p.m.
McGolrick Park (corner of Driggs and Russell Street)
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

Halloween Photo du Jour: Alice In Chains

From Humboldt Street.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photo du Jour: The Quantum of Shoeless

1-877-BUNION-1 has upgraded their marketing strategy (THANK GOD) but the latest “Bond Girl”* clearly disapproves.

Miss Heather

*Not that I care. I quit giving a damn after Maud Adams.

Well Actually, They Aren’t

The Village Voice writes:

Bad news: The Mushroom Jazz guy is prominently involved. But even if Mark Farina’s snoozy house series leaves you cold, it’ll be swell to see somebody — anybody — onstage again at the beleaguered Greenpoint spot, shuttered since August due to various neighborly unpleasantries. Very very doubtful all Studio B’s legal/community issues have been magically solved, and things are still in flux there: As Annie Fischer just noted in the Voice, Justine D., the club’s events coordinator and talent buyer, resigned last week.

I am sad to see Justine leave (she was the owner of the Jaguar with Florida plates perpetually parked in front of this place, yes?). I am also disappointed to see Studio B operating (once again) without proper paperwork in place. It’s the same song, albeit different verse…

Anonymous wrote:

Looks like they’ve been doing what they need to get sign offs to get a TCO and the subsequent PA permit (the cabaret license is contingent on those two items). They’ll have zoning use group 12 on the CO (which is the cabaret designation, but it won’t be legal to use it as such until they get the cabaret.  Read: they’ll be legal but can’t dance).

They got final electrical and plumbing sign offs this month. That’s 50% of the TCO requirements. The remaining 50% breaks down like this: 25% elevator sign off (slam dunk cause there are no elevators–I assume); the last 25% is passing the construction inspection. The following link is under the “items required” tab under the Alt 1 (CO amendment application) BIS page.  http://a810-bisweb.nyc.gov/bisweb/COApplicationSummaryServlet?requestid=4&passjobnumber=310114122&passdocnumber=01&allisn=0001489552&allbin=3065254 They’re banking that they can finish that, get the TCO and PA permit before the 12th or whatever the date is. Can they do it? Meh, that’s a real push.

There is something amiss I noticed.  There is no CO aplication on file under the Alt 1. That’s weird cause it should be there and they shouldn’t have been able to get the electrical and plumbing sign offs without it on file…

If one wanted to be a real pain in the arse, one would write a letter to Brooklyn Borough Commissioner Magdi Mossad requesting a special audit…

This is my letter to you Magdi Mossad.

I want a “special audit” of Studio B’s (AKA: 259 Banker Street) paperwork because they clearly have no regard for your agency or the laws you purportedly enforce. (They’ve been hosting events for several weeks now lest you have not noticed). I’ve heard the D.O.B. doesn’t sleep but they occasionally “close their eyes”. Is this true? Say it ain’t so, Joe Magdi.

Everyone else I know here “plays by the rules” why shouldn’t Studio B? Or are they special?*

Miss Heather

P.S.: While I’m at it, Magdi (I feel like I know you given the recent spate of Stop Work Orders you have issued in my ‘nabe) perhaps you could explain to me why Club Exit is still in business after three incidences of gun play this year? 94th Precinct? Community Board 1? Joe Lentol? Anyone?

*e.g.; soapy sam and greasing palms.

TOMORROW: Horror For The Masses

No, I am not talking about another Presidential debate. Rather I speak of this.

Blue Gate Movies will be screening a different horror movie each and every Friday night starting tomorrow!

Blue Gate Movies
112 Meserole Avenue
(between Manhattan Avenue & Leonard Street)
Brooklyn, New York 11222

What’s more, admission is absolutely free! Who can argue with that?

Miss Heather

Free Market Capitalism At Its Very Finest

If there is one word I would use to describe the Greenpoint entrepreneur it would be “innovator”. Where else in this city (and perhaps the world) can you find a graffiti store just down the block from a business that makes sorbet out of wine which in turn is just a hop-skip away from a shop which has shackles and a $400 muskrat for sale? Don’t everyone speak up at once now.

Yes sir, the Garden Spot of the Universe is a very special place and I just learned it is set to become even more special.

As I walking home from getting my hair cut at Zoe’s Beauty Spa & Salon (Anna gives great cuts, by the way) I spied these chaps working on this lovely old garage on Greenpoint Avenue. I was delighted to see this nifty building getting a face lift and decided to tell them so.

Miss Heather: I’m really happy to see someone is finally doing something with this building. What’s it going to be? A restaurant?
Man: A beer spa.
Miss Heather: A… beer… spa?
Man: Yes, a beer spa. Greenpoint has enough bars. We’re selling boutique beer. You’ll be able to knock back a beer and get a nice massage.
Miss Heather: You’re serious?
Man: Of course I am! See that van over there?

Miss Heather: Yes.
Man: That’s my business. You like beer?
Miss Heather: Mostly in the summer —although I’ve been known to like a nice amber ale in cooler months.
Man: We’ll be selling those, so be sure to check us out!
Miss Heather: Will do.

So there have you folks. I suspect I speak for many of my fellow Greenpointers when I say I hope this (unfolding) story has a happy ending!

Miss Heather