Coffin Cacophony in Greenpoint

As I have stated in this and this post, Bedford Stuyvesant sports some of the fiercest bikes I have ever seen. I cannot for the life of me understand why Greenpoint didn’t build a dragster out of a coffin first, so I did a little research. That’s when I learned we Garden Spotters prefer to throw coffins, not ride in them. From the October 25, 1885 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle I present to you a donnybrook at William J. Moan’s funeral parlor. Enjoy!

Whatever you do, don’t get drunk with a mortician. You’ll never know when he might want to drum up a little business!

Miss Heather

TODAY: India Street Park Meeting And Iraqi Veterans Against The War

Today at 6:30 p.m. G.W.A.P.P. will be conducting a general information session at the Pencil Factory regarding the park slated for the western terminus of India Street. Stephanie Thayer of the Open Space Alliance will give a general overview of the project (among other things, I have heard affordable housing is a component— hopefully they’ll go into this) and discuss the next planning session (slated for February 19, time and venue to be determined). Little was said about this park at last month’s Town Hall meeting (the woman in charge of organizing it was unavailable to speak), but it sounds intriguing.

Pencil Factory
142 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Those of you who have the time and live on (or near) India Street really should attend this meeting. I have no doubt it will prove to be very interesting. Check it out!

If parks are not your cup of tea, I have also received word Booklyn will be hosting Iraqi Veterans Against the (Gulf) War this evening at 6:30 p.m. as well.

Booklyn
37 Greenpoint Avenue, Floor 4
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Those of you who cannot attend this event but want to learn more about Booklyn will be happy to learn they host Open Salon nights the first Tuesday of every month. At these events you can check out their collection of artist’s books and show off your own (if you happen to have any). Want to make books but need a little help? Don’t despair: subsequent Tuesdays are dedicated to Open Studios which are (per their web site):

…sometimes… called studio hours, sometimes it’s called labor or skill sharing… We will work for an hour or so on a Booklyn Production Project and in exchange, I’ll teach some book making and/or bring other folks through to teach. You might also exchange your labor for access to Booklyn’s guillotine, shears, saddle stapler, and paper folder.

Attendees are encouraged to bring food to share. A schedule for upcoming Open Studio nights can be yours by sending an email to:

catglennon (at) gmail (dot) com

And that, dear readers, is all she wrote!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Oakland Street

Any and all Greenpointers who want to see a remnant of pre-Robert Moses Garden Spot glory should check out the southwestern intersection of McGuinness Boulevard and Nassau Avenue.

When you reach the Polskie Deli, you need not do anything more than look up. Before McGuinness Boulevard (in all its resplendent glory) came into being, it was a humble street called Oakland.

I have spent much time researching the thoroughfare that was Oakland. Most of what I found involved bar room brawls of one sort or another. But after Mr. Heather and I (working as a team) managed to kill our keyboard with bourbon Friday night (clearly that candy-ass piece of crap couldn’t hold its liquor), I decided this tome from the April 15, 1886 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle was the finest. Enjoy!

Lesson #1: Don’t pick a fight with a prizefighter.
Lesson #2: Especially if you happen to be three sheets to the wind.

As Jim Croce once sang:

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape, you don’t spit into the wind, you don’t tug on the mask of the lone ranger and you don’t mess around with Jim Willy Dacoy.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Cavalcade Volume V: Politics

My grandmother always told me there were two things that one never, ever discussed at a party:

1. Religion
2. Politics

I wholeheartedly agree, especially in regards to the latter. Some people enjoy nothing more than listening to pundits talk District of Columbia shop. If political intrigue was not popular (with a certain set of people, mind you) I doubt there would be so many blogs, web sites and print publications dedicated to the subject. However, when I encounter such subject matter existentialist boredom inevitably follows.

Unless of course it is written on subway posters advertising the movie Rambo. That’s another matter altogether.

While waiting for the Crosstown Local on the Smith – 9th Street platform, I am reminded that the age of Imperialism is, indeed, over.

And the Queens bound platform at Nassau Avenue raises awareness about how the shadow under John Rambo’s nose makes him look like a rather (in)famous 20th century world leader. Cover up the right hand side of his face and see for yourself: the resemblance is uncanny.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: McGuinness Boulevard

I cannot believe with as many times as I have walked by this mural (on McGuinness Boulevard just north of the BQE) I never noticed that this seemingly cute little bunny was a headhunter. Or maybe he (?) is the Cthulhu bunny and instead of candy this playful little scamp leaves shrunken heads in the baskets of unwitting children? Given the way some children behave nowadays, I can only hope so.

This horrific little hare is yet more proof that the neighborhood we call Greenpoint yields its treasure in the most unexpected of places: in plain sight.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Kingsland Avenue

One thing I love about Brooklyn is each neighborhood has its own unique take on what constitutes a cozy and inviting home. For example:

In Bushwick polychromatic statuary is the way to go.

Bedford-Stuyvesant prefers to festoon their fences with flamingos.

And in Greenpoint nothing says “welcome home” like a Jason mask standing watch over your stoop. Yes sir, we Greenpointers love us some homicidal maniacs! Fake flowers, cutesy woodland creatures and colorful plumage are for wimps.

In fact, we like Jason much we are not content with him merely gracing our homes, we also take him on the road! So much for Jesus. Any Greenpointer worth his (or her) salt knows the son of god cannot protect you from the utter lunacy that is the Greenpoint motorist. In the Garden Spot Jason is our co-pilot.

Miss Heather

Street Trash

Today, fellow Greenpointers I have a very special treat to share with you: a hitherto unknown bit of Greenpoint glory called “Street Trash”. It all started with an email I received from my buddy Matt Wolfe from the Greenpointer Courier:

Are you familiar with the movie Street Trash. Being that it was filmed entirely in Greenpoint* and is gross, I’m assuming you have. I’m writing an article on it and was curious if you had any comment.

Believe it or not, I had not heard of this film. Intrigued, I looked it up on Wikipedia. The plot synopsis is as follows:

The owner of a liquor store in lower Manhattan finds a case of cheap wine (“Tenafly Viper”) in his basement. It’s over sixty years old and has gone bad, but he decides to sell it to the local hobos anyway. Unfortunately, anyone who drinks this Viper melts away in a hideous fashion. At the same time, an overzealous cop is trying to get to the bottom of all the deaths. The movie is littered with darkly comedic deaths and injuries. It also contains the notorious ‘severed privates’ scene where a group of homeless people play catch with the severed member of one of their number, as he futilely attempts to recover it.

Hobos!?! Bad booze?!? FILMED IN GREENPOINT?!? Obviously I had to possess this item, so I moseyed over to Amazon and ordered it.

Today, dear readers, my “SPECIAL TWO-DISC MELTDOWN EDITION” arrived! Can you feel the magic in the air? You can anticipate a detailed analysis of this flick from yours truly in the near future, so stay tuned. Be sure to keep an eye out for Matt’s interview as well. I have no doubt it will be very interesting.

In closing, I’d like to thank Matt for bringing this to my attention. This film will provide me untold amounts of Greenpoint mirth. Any movie that has the following piece of Oscar-award winning dialogue is definitely up my alley:

Lady, I ain’t so sure you don’t have a cock.

I have found myself wondering just this as I stroll down Manhattan Avenue on many a Sunday afternoon.

Miss Heather

*It later came to light that this is not entirely true: it was filmed in Greenpoint and Maspeth.

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Manhattan Avenue

I found this flier on the pay phone in front of Divine Follie last Thursday. When I walked by again today it was gone. Maybe the clowns finally caught up with him? After all, it’s kind of foolish to leave tabs with your phone number on them. That only makes it easier for them to contact you.

Then again Jon Voight’s thought processes have never made sense to me. Or much of anyone else for that matter.

Miss Heather