The Brooklyn Paper: Paragon of Journalism

Onion Domes

This evening I had the pleasure of reading a turd from the above shit heap of a newspaper. It was forwarded to me via the Newtown Creek Alliance. They wrote:

I’m sorry to see the nature walk is getting severely trashed.

Initially I was going to write back and say “What do you expect, it’s The Brooklyn Paper?” I decided against it. I think my fellow Greenpointers should see how utterly shitty their product and journalistic standards are. For this reason I present to you, dear readers, the following article from the September 22, 2007 edition of The Brooklyn Paper

Something stinks — hey, it’s this park!

Up for a nature walk? The newest one is right there next to the sewage treatment plant.

This counterintuitive park project comes courtesy of the Department of Environmental Protection, which spent $3.2 million to build a gorgeous walkway next to the Newtown Creek sludge plant.

No, it’s not a joke — though some locals are treating it as such.

“I say we toilet paper their park — after all, they made our neighborhood smell like a toilet,” wrote one poster on, which labeled it “the crappiest park in Brooklyn.”

Other posts took advantage of the irony to use a common barnyard expletive that is often used as a slang term for feces.

The DEP wouldn’t dignify those kinds of potty-mouth comments, but did say that the park will be a wonderful amenity for the community and that most people will appreciate it.

The plant, which is known for those funky (both stylistically and, it must be said, odoriferously), egg-shaped domes, occupies a few dozen square blocks along the oil-filled creek north of Greenpoint Avenue.

Would-be nature walkers will enter the pathway from Paidge Avenue and Provost Street, and enjoy landscaping that includes trees, shrubs, waterfront seating, wetland grasses and perennial flowers and plants — plus a wall separating all that nature from the sewage plant on the other side.

The pathway is just the first phase of a DEP effort to provide access to the waterfront, the agency said. The next two phases will be completed over five years and extend the path all the way to North Henry Street.

It couldn’t come at a better — or worse time. The federal Environmental Protection Agency reported last week that a massive oil spill that has been seeping under the Newtown Creek area since the 1950s may be twice as big as once suspected.

The DEP will unveil the first phase of the Greenpoint Nature Walk along the waterfront that separates Brooklyn and Queens next week.


Something Sucks — it’s The Brooklyn Paper!

It’s easy to criticize a park when you (and you know who you are) are sitting on your fat ass in Park Slope trying to figure out how to capitalize on the Garden Spot. It’s “hip”. It’s “young”. It’s so… not you, Brooklyn Paper.

Is it just me or does the Smells like Teen Spirit North Brooklyn edition of The Brooklyn Paper sport very little content actually regarding North Brooklyn? It’s usually a few week-old stories and a bunch of other stuff we could care less about. All they— and by they I mean The Brooklyn Paper want to do to is up their circulation numbers so can boost their advertising revenue (yes, I worked in publishing once, surprise!). The fact they are using us to do it makes me angry to no end.

But back to journalistic integrity (or lack thereof). We all know using a comment board on someone else’s blog (READ: Curbed) is the best way to get the word on the street in Greenpoint. A community which, inconveniently enough, is largely populated with blue-collar people without Internets. That’s why unsubstantial shit like the following makes it to print:

I say we toilet paper their park, after all they made our neighborhood smell like a toilet.

God forbid a reporter from The Brooklyn Paper actually set foot in the Garden Garbage Spot and ask us, the revolting peasants we are, what we think. That would entail riding the G TRAIN and doing ACTUAL REPORTING. We might prove to be intelligent. Or find The Brooklyn Paper to be a joke. And we do, by the way.

As a Greenpointer (who converses with other Greenpointers every day) here is a general consensus of what we think the park:

  1. Yes, we think a park next to a sewage treatment plant is funny. Who wouldn’t?
  2. Do we think it is a P.R. ploy by the D.E.P.? DUH!
  3. North Greenpoint has no parks whatsoever. A few of us have the temerity to like it. It is all we got. It is better designed than most of the condominiums going up around us, but The Brooklyn Paper wouldn’t print that. They didn’t see fit to print this either:

More thought, design, materials and over all aesthetics have been put into this Taj Mahal of Poop Processing than all the crappy chrome and glass condos all over the G-point & the Burg.

Somehow the crack reporter for The Brooklyn Paper saw fit to overlook this comment (also from Curbed). I wonder why?

The truth of the matter is a number of things make my neighborhood stink. You have the waste treatment plant, sewage overruns, illegal dumping and Newtown Creek. You cannot separate one from the other. I can, however, state with certainty that The Brooklyn Paper’s attempt at capitalizing off Greenpoint’s misfortune (and ridiculing us in the process) reeks the most.

And as any Greenpointer knows, shit floats.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Those of you who want additional giggles at this paper’s expense should read this article. For reasons beyond my comprehension it turned up on under Greenpoint. It is about how local video stores are suffering at the hands of Netflix. Strangely enough, Photoplay, a Greenpoint institution (which recently expanded into a larger space) is not mentioned. Hmm.


2 Comments on The Brooklyn Paper: Paragon of Journalism

  1. al oof on Mon, 1st Oct 2007 10:05 pm
  2. i was just marvelling yesterday about how netflix probably put that blockbuster out of business but places like photoplay and reel life have stayed open.

    also, regarding that article, it appears that “Vampire Junction” is actually available through netflix, so maybe people there is some other reason people like to go to noir?

    as for the park article, you tell ’em!

  3. mr. belvedere on Mon, 1st Oct 2007 10:17 pm
  4. this park is pretty nice actually but how are they planning on extending it to n henry? through the valley of the shadow of digester eggs?

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