Greenpoint Welcomes Alaskan Sun Tanning!

December 22, 2008 by
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

When someone says the “the land of the midnight sun”* a number of things come to mind. And quite frankly none of them are very appealing:

  1. Sarah Palin
  2. Sherry Johnston
  3. Levi Johnston (I have no doubt in due time the apple won’t fall too far from the tree (See Point #2). And of course, there’s this.)
  4. Teenage/unplanned pregnancy**

In regards to point #2, at least she got out on bail in time to meet her grandchild. Some of you may not agree with my politics and that is your prerogative. However, in light of the recent presidential election (and all the hilarity that came with it) would you name your establishment this?

If you’re opening a business at 842 Manhattan Avenue in Greenpoint, Brooklyn you would!

A tanning parlor. That’s about as useful (and needed) here as a(nother) bank, Thai restaurant, bar or 99 cent store.

Alaskan Sun Tanning
Hours: 10:00 a.m. – 10:00 p.m., 7 days a week
842 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 349-5914

I wonder if they’ll be slinging bags of meth with those UV rays? After all the Garden Spot is the birth place of Hot Sausage!

Miss Heather

*This was the subject of lively debate here at Chez Shitty. The Mister said Alaska was called “The Final Frontier” I said I thought it was “The Land of the Midnight Sun”. After some googling we learned that we both were in fact correct. For a chuckle check out the Alaska Governor’s Office’s “Facts and Misconceptions” page. Did you know a deluxe hamburger will only set you back $5.00-$9.95 in Alaska? I didn’t! Oh yeah, and I almost shot claret out of my nose when I saw this. Someone for the love of god PLEASE name a Van Halen cover band after this child!

**Yes, I know this happens. But if you had a teenage daughter who was pregnant would you have subjected her to national scrutiny by accepting a vice presidential nomination? Really? Of everyone in the Palin clan Bristol is the only one I have any sympathy for. I wish her the best of luck (because she’ll need it).

DISCLAIMER: This is satire. I wish our newest business the best of luck (although I find baking one’s body in a toaster oven utterly repulsive). I am not insinuating that Alaskan Sun Tanning is now nor will be a front operation for the sale of methamphetamines. Those of you who have children with Down’s Syndrome please do not get your panties in a wad. Unless of course you named your kid “Van Palin”. In which case you should have known better.


2 Comments on Greenpoint Welcomes Alaskan Sun Tanning!

  1. neighborhood threat on Mon, 22nd Dec 2008 12:50 pm
  2. this is honestly the stupidest business idea ever. when i think of suntanning, i don’t think of alaska – and neither does anyone else. people in alaska don’t have suntans. i could go on, and on.

    does no one do any kind of feasibility study before opening a business in greenpoint?

    in other commerce news, i stopped into xtra over the weekend and it was just as useful as ever, if smaller. the owner said that she had no idea how many people missed her until she reopened & that response had been fantastic.

    the 99 cent stores have different qualities, you know, and they are always crowded.

  3. Amber on Mon, 9th Jan 2012 3:41 am
  4. They closed down this tanning salon so i turned to park slope tanning salon & airbrush I live in greenpoint and do not mind traveling to park slope to get a decent tan and sometimes free tans. The ride is worht it because their equipment is very high end and since alaskan sun which has new & high end tanning beds closed down , i was looking for somehting similar.

    Park Slope tanning does everything i need for tanning including spray tanning & airbrush tanning.Their prices are very cheap compares to other the tanning salon i went to in the city.

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