Now For Sale In Greenpoint: Orient Apple Vodka

December 30, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

When I saw the above item gracing the window of our numerous liquor stores (Dunne’s Polemost Liquor methinks) I paused. It seemed inexplicably familiar to me. Then it hit me. This is virtually identical to a product Absolut created in “collaboration” with Spike Lee: Absolut Brooklyn. Some of the more seasoned readers of New York Shitty might recall there was some controversy about its sponsorship of Brooklyn Blogfest V— and offering freebies/cheapies in exchange for editorial content on Brooklyn blogs. But the past is just that—- the past. What I, a woman who lives in a community with PLENTY of vodka choices, wanted to know was this:

What’s the fucking difference?

After some research I found the answer!

Absolut Brooklyn is vodka made with “red apple and ginger flavor”. So there!

Photo Credits: The close-up of Absolut Brooklyn comes courtesy of which regurgitates the following bit of ad copy:

“its flavor evokes the spice and vibrancy Brooklyn brings to the big apple”

Provided they’re red apples, of course.

Bedford Avenue Absolut Watch: Small Victory

July 6, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

Some of you might recall that last week I made the acquaintance of the above gentleman. He was painting an advertisement for Absolut Brooklyn on Bedford Avenue. In the course of our conversation I pointed out to him that there was a certain, um, irregularity regarding the numeric order of two adjacent row houses. More specifically I pointed out that they were numbered “400” and “387” respectively and stated:

…In any case you might want to fix that. May I suggest you make the building on the right “398″?

Well today I happened to be back on Bedford…

and I had to know:

Did he or didn’t he (take my advice)?

The answer is…

a qualified yes!

Hey, it isn’t perfection but at least it is a step on the right direction.

Miss Heather

P.S.: While I am on the subject, WTF is this about?

Spotted On Manhattan Avenue: I Want You

July 1, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Chris of T & N Wine shows ’em how to market vodka in Brooklyn.

Or at least in Greenpoint, anyway. Ginger and apple infused vodka; stoop stories?!? Fuck that candy-ass crap. This is the real deal!

My advice to Mr. Lee and his “collaborators”: leave such matters to the professionals.

Miss Heather

Spotted On Bedford Avenue: Absolut Brooklyn

It has come to my attention that the folks at Brownstoner have been speculating as to where the photograph for this heavily Photoshopped advertisement (as seen here gracing the Crosstown Local) was taken. Well, today dear readers, I am pleased to announce I have the answer!

I spied this chap painting an advertisement for this “Spike Lee Collaboration” this afternoon on Bedford Avenue. I struck up a conversation with him. I knew exactly how to break the ice.

Excuse me, but are you going to paint in the street numbers for these two houses?

I inquired.

I don’t know. The type is awfully small.

He replied, while looking at the print out he was working from.

Well, the one on the left is “400” and the one on the right is “387”.

I helpfully offered.

Did you work on this campaign?

He asked.

“No I didn’t”, I replied and went on to opine:

This discrepancy was brought to my attention while waiting for the G train. Someone circled the addresses and wrote “WHAT”  in all caps. When one has to wait 15-20 minutes on a subway platform he (or she) tends to notice such things. In any case you might want to fix that. May I suggest you make the building on the right “398”?

My new friend found this tremendously entertaining and went on the spill the beans about the provenance/fabrication of this image:

  1. The block in question is located in Crown Heights.
  2. The buildings (some of them anyway, including “387”) were originally three stories in height. They were shaved down to two so more sky would be visible.
  3. All the trees were added via Photoshop.

So there have you.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Absolutly Zero Proof(read)

Today as I was shutter-bugging during Forgotten New York’s tour of Bushwick a gentleman apologized to me for walking in front of my lens.

I wouldn’t want to interfere with Miss Heather taking pictures.

He said. After getting over the initial shock of being “recognized” I replied:

Don’t apologize at all. I’m patient. I can wait.

I mention this anecdote because I have been patiently waiting for my fellow Garden Spotters to tender their two cents on one of the many Absolut Brooklyn subway posters gracing the Crosstown Local.

Today my waiting came to an end. And, quite frankly, I was impressed. Given the high esteem and expectations I have of my fellow Greenpointers this is noteworthy.

What first caught my eye was the giant penis inscribed upon the above gent with chiseled pecs walking his bull dog. That, in turn, drew my attention to this.

Follows are the street numbers for the above depicted (and to reiterate: adjacent) row houses.



I have on occasion seen street numbers “jump” but I have never to my recollection seen odd and even numbered houses on the same side of the street. Although I had my suspicions I decided to consult the expert; after the Forgotten-NY tour of Bushwick (and dinner) I took Kevin Walsh on a tour of the Queens-bound platform of the Crosstown Local at Metropolitan Avenue. I pointed out to him my eagle-eyed (and anonymous) neighbor’s discovery. Kevin concurred: odd and even-numbered houses are not adjacent to each other.

So there have you. It would appear that this idyllic block only exists in the world of Photoshop, not reality. (As if the attractive, young people gracing this advertisement were not sufficient evidence. People sit on stoops and walk their dogs in Greenpoint. Some gents here, in fact, have moobs— but they are not the result of hitting the gym.). One would think Absolut Brooklyn, which not only had the money to thoroughly inundate  our subway system with these advertisements, sponsor Brooklyn Blogfest V and give out swag in return for blog posts would hire an ad agency that would notice this kind of thing. I guess not. Maybe next time they should hire this anonymous Greenpointer— or Kevin— as a consultant?

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photos Du Jour, Part II: Absolutly

The more eagle-eyed among you probably noticed that the poster next to this solicitation is for Absolut Brooklyn. A Spike Lee “collaboration”. If my travels today on the humble Crosstown Local are any indication, dear readers, Mr. Lee and Absolut have “collaborated”— in the truest Vichy sense of the word— to thoroughly saturate this humble subway line (and Greenpoint, for that matter) with advertisements for this product. Much to the amusement and curiousity of my fellow Garden Spotters. Some of whom are under 30 years of age and have sense.

After witnessing the two above ladies giggling and pointing at this advertisement I initiated a conversation with them. I feel it is my responsibility as a Greenpoint blogger to gauge my community’s reaction to this product.

Me: Apple and ginger infused vodka. You know, because this neighborhood needs more vodka like it needs a hole in its head.
Ladies: Have you tried it?
Me: No, it sounds downright awful. There’s got to be at least 80 different kinds of vodka for sale around here. I am certain a better product can be had. I am partial towards Luksusowa myself.
Ladies: (laughter)

And with that the G train arrived and we were whisked away to our respective destinations.

Miss Heather

P.S.: If the folks at Luksusowa (which is not only the winner of four gold medals but also is “non-allergenic”!) are reading this you can send all swag and checks made out to “cash”  to:


Just kidding. I already have a Flipcam. It has Hello Kitty on it. That’s about the best thing that can be said about it. In all seriousness:

  1. If a business wants to access my readership they purchase an advertisement. My editorial content is not for sale.
  2. Exactly what constitutes “non-allergenic” vodka? Thoughts anyone?

LAST GASP: The Brooklyn Shillfest, Part II

June 8, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11205, Bed-Stuy, Bed-Stuy Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Clinton Hill, Park Slope 

Remember the quicklink I posted earlier? Well, Atlantic Yards Report has gotten to the bottom of this web of intrigue courtesy of an anonymous tipster. How much does Absolut think infotising on Brooklyn blogs is worth? Apparently a Flipcam among other things. Read it and weep.

Miss Heather

UPDATE, June 9, 2010: Norman Oder, the author of Atlantic Yards Report has posited some very interesting questions to Ms. Crawford, Cityroom’s choice of “expert blogger” you can read them by clicking here. In addition Brownstoner has written an excellent Op Ed about the Fifth Annual Brooklyn Absolut Blogfest Shillfest. You can read it by clicking here.

P.S.: By the way, the FTC (fairly) recently ruled that bloggers are to disclose the freebies they receive. You can get the full 411 courtesy of Wired by clicking here.

Quicklink: Shillfest? Absolutly!

June 8, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11205, Bed-Stuy, Bed-Stuy Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Clinton Hill 

This item comes courtesy of Atlantic Yards Report. Speaking as someone who has:

1. received the press release about Absolut’s generous donation of $50,000 to Habitat For Humanity (which is chump change, I can assure you) and 2. lives in a community which rates among the city’s highest for alcoholism I found their critique of this company’s cynical exploitation of the sad state of affordable housing in north Brooklyn— and the Brooklyn blogosphere in general— rather compelling. You can read AYR’s tome by clicking here.

Miss Heather

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