From The New York Shitty Inbox: A Dispatch From Maspeth

November 29, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11378, Criminal Activity, Maspeth, Maspeth Queens 

As I noted recently, McGuinness Boulevard is no longer the record holder for stolen access covers. This dubious distinction is now held by Maspeth’s Grand Avenue. I spied a whopping thirteen missing covers in a mere half mile stretch. That’s the bad news. Now onto the good news: if the following email forwarded to yours truly via an anonymous tipster is any indication, our friends across the creek are taking this matter quite seriously.

If you see someone plundering your man hole access cover, fellow north Brooklynites, say something! Call 911.

No Manhole* Left Behind: Reader Contribution du Jour

A chap we’ll call “A” writes of this specimen:

Noble btwn Franklin and West, not sure if you got this one already. another one down the block filled with water but my photo didn’t come out!

I will certainly follow-up on this tip, A. Thanks!

*It has been brought to my attention by a member of our own Community Board (who I will kindly refrain from naming— but will note that he has begun to notice a fair amount of such “activity” in his neighborhood) that these are “access covers”, not manhole covers” and calling them “manholes” is sexist unless I made a certain clarification/annotation. I assured him that while I suspected these items had a different moniker, I rather enjoyed calling them manholes. And this is because I am sexist. He found this confession quite amusing. Nonetheless, I rectified this situation today— and yours truly experienced a fit artistic inspiration as a result!

366 Jackson Street

What is missing from this picture?

ASIDE: After annotating the above “hole” a man nearby asked what I was doing. I told him I was documenting lost access covers, as I have noticed quite a few have gone MIA in north Brooklyn lately. Believe it or not, he thought this was a good idea. Go figure.

148 Jackson Street

287 Graham Avenue

I has been my observation that, upon being divested of their covers, these spaces tend to be pressed into service as trash receptacles. Why not put a happy spin on this phenomenon, I say!

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