Merry Christmas From New York Shitty!

Christmas came early to Greenpoint in the manner of this gargantuan mound of merde from (where else?) Poo Corner.

Am I disappointed by this development? No, not really. It proved to be an ice-breaker with a lady who has the dubious honor of living across the street from this delightful item. She inquired as to what I was doing. I explained my project to her. She was pleased and wished me a Merry Christmas. Nothing unites Greenpointers in brotherly (and sisterly) love like shit.

Rather, my anxiety was over the proper arrangement of the flatware. I possess a copy of Amy Vanderbilt’s Everyday Etiquette but I did not have it handy at the time. It’s rather hefty. What’s more the only reason I keep it— and many other less lofty publications, for that matter— is/are for the pictures.* So I had to improvise.

Version 1

Version 2

Before I could type so much as “Wikipedia” the Mister looked over my shoulder and said:

You got it wrong. Forks go on the other side of the knife.

So there have you.

I hope Ms. Vanderbilt can see fit to forgive me for my breach of etiquette. She never had the pleasure of knowing Greenpoint replete in all its (brown) glory. She also did not live to see— much less taste— the miracle that is “Whipped Lightning”. It is the “Strawberry Colada” variety which graces this turd a la mode. Most importantly, I strongly suspect Ms. Vanderbilt did not have a neighbor who saw fit to grace her community with i-Pad sized piles of shit.

Does one uncivilized act (E.G.; not scooping one’s poop) justify another (not arranging flatware properly)?

I’ll leave it to you, gentle readers— and her, to make a final judgement in the meantime, Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

*Before he became famous Andy Warhol earned a living as an illustrator. He was a very good too!

 

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