The Word On The Street, Part III: Java Street

Java Street NYS

There’s more creepy people in NY than anywhere I’ve been.

New York Shitty Analysis: Clearly this individual has never been to Albany. There are some weapons grade douchebags creeps to be found there. Some of whom are seeking re-election.

Seriously folks: please, PLEASE get out and vote tomorrow.

But I do not like any of the candidates.

You say? Then bring along a pen and write-in your candidate of choice. This is what I intend to do. For example, let’s take the Governor’s race. I for one have been carpet-bombed with fliers for Andrew Cuomo and/or his “Women’s Equality Party”. I am guessing his “wizards” “crunched” the numbers/statistics and deduced I would likely be moved by material like this:

stopandfriskGuess what? They were wrong.

If there is one thing I have observed as a New York State (and “City”) resident, it is there’s plenty of injustice to go around. One need not be a woman to experience it (although it does not hurt): being LGBTQ, a Latino or African American male youth (Can you say “Stop & Frisk?), simply practicing a religion and/or having a national origin which is not widely understood (Hello, Ebola scare/”stranger danger”!) will suffice. Hell, the previous make being a straight, married, woman of White Anglo Saxon descent look like a cake walk.

I am writing in Bella Abzug as my choice for Governor. The fact she is deceased is, in my humble opinion, a minor technicality. Ms. Abzug was a genuine, honest-to-god, balls-to-the-wall feminist. She was a fighter. And I suspect, wherever she may be, she takes an exceptionally dim view of “Women’s Equality Party”. This is because the “WEP” seeks to exploit— not build upon— the hard work and sacrifices women like her made to make our lives a mite bit better in 2014.

Note: I wrote our. No feminist worth her (or his) salt is merely going to vote by virtue of vagina. It is much more complicated than that. “Women’s” issues are inextricably tied to LGBTQ issues. Same goes for race and class. But there I go talking about class again. It’s time to wrap this tome up.

Those of you who do not know where your polling station is can find out here. Now if you do not mind, it’s cocktail time…

Presenting the Magickal G Train Service Advisory Ball!

September 9, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Crosstown Local, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Bergen Street 2 nysThe last two weeks have been spent by yours truly enjoying a staycation with the Mister in this— our— fine city. As the term “staycation” would suggest, this entails patronizing mass transit— and when mass transit is on the table invariably arguments spirited discourse ensue over how to get from point “a” to point “b”.

Some people argue politics.

Others belabor religion.

The Mister and I? We have enough trouble simply agreeing upon how to get to and from Queens. And the Bronx. Come to think of it pretty much anywhere. This is how we roll. The world— or at least this country— might be a better place if others would take our bickering lead. But I digress.

The absence of Crosstown Local service initially mitigated these disputes: we took the shuttle bus. Why, you ask? Very simple: because it was free. Then service was “reinstituted” and “issues” arose. During one of the aforementioned “issues” the Mister (being a rather structured individual) noted that I do not exhibit any semblance of “Cartesian Logic”. Not being of a(n academic) philosophical bent, I had resort to a “for dummies” primer online. Yes. I speak of none other than Wikipedia:

Descartes argues – for example, in the third of his Meditations on First Philosophy – that whatever one clearly and distinctly perceives is true: “I now seem to be able to lay it down as a general rule that whatever I perceive very clearly and distinctly is true.” (AT VII 35) He goes on in the same Meditation to argue for the existence of a benevolent God, in order to defeat his skeptical argument in the first Meditation from the possibility that God be a deceiver. He then says that without his knowledge of God’s existence, none of his knowledge could be certain. The argument takes this form: 1) Descartes’ proof of the reliability of clear and distinct perceptions takes as a premise God’s existence as a non-deceiver. 2) Descartes’ proofs of God’s existence presuppose the reliability of clear and distinct perceptions.

Alrighty then. I’d like to see Rene “Smarty Pants” Descartes take on the G train. Really.

Exhibit A: Fix & Fortify

service restored

So (full) service has been restored?

Exhibit B: the service advisory which found its way to my inbox last Friday.

MTA service alert

Or has it?


Naturally I had to share the “good news” on Facebook. A discussion/”brainstorming session” of sorts followed— but we’ll explore that in a bit.

Exhibit C: a poster gracing the Greenpoint Avenue Church Avenue-bound platform Sunday afternoon

for some trains

Confused yet? We sure as fuck were. However the Mister and I— clearly of being two very different bents— took the news quite differently:

  • The Mister, being a lover of “order” who, for example:
    • thought that bus time tables (B43 and B62 in particular) are more than very general guidelines. (I suggesting he download the live “app” for bus service, which he did, has divested him of that illusion.)
    • despite living in Greenpoint for ten years has yet to figure out one fundamental principle. This being:

The Crosstown Local, G train, makes no sense. One need not— should not— attempt to decipher what “logic” is at play regarding the G train— or the MTA in general.

Let’s just say he was distressed.

I, the chaotic “other half” to the Mister*, on the other hand said:

Bring it!

I have come to appreciate the Crosstown Local for what it is: a random and arbitrary creature. It is not unlike what appears to be the “operating model” of the NYPD (and 94th Precinct) lately— sans the body count and spurious “hate crime” charges.* This is a very significant difference. There’s no point in making sense of the G train or its “service advisories”. Just get on and you’ll end up where you need to be. Eventually. Who knows? You may get that lucky “train” that actually does not stop at Bedford Nostrand! Which brings me back to the recent “forum” regarding Crosstown Local service suspensions. It started as follows:


Yes, I got this wrong— but something very, VERY right came out of it!

Heather: I am quietly convinced they have some kind of lottery or roulette wheel which determines what part of the G is going to be shut down at any given time.
Bitch Cakes: Heather, I actually KNOW the guy that plans all the subway reroutes/advisories. I’m surprised he would admit that in public.
Heather: I want to see this roulette wheel Bitch Cakes. Make it happen! Or do they use a Magic 8 ball? (shaking) “Will the G be running this weekend?” Bitch Cakes: seriously – I don’t understand (or envy) their job
Heather: I hear you. I had HELLA respect for those guys working on the G at all hours here. They’re not really the problem. It’s their “leadership”. OH MY GOD I HAVE IT BITCH CAKES! I will buy a magic 8 ball, paint it good ol’ G train green, place a nice big G on it and give it to the MTA so they can use it to determine service suspensions!!!
Bitch Cakes:  haha! it can’t be any worse than their current system!! In fact, perhaps you can PREDICT their schedule with the Magic G Ball!
Heather: I am doing it. Will pick up an 8 ball and some paint tomorrow…

Guess what? I DID.


It’s ON!

I “locally sourced” all the required materials right here on Manhattan Avenue. Buy local! The Magic 8 Ball comes from the Greenpoint Toy Center, whose owner recognizes me now. God help him. I had a variety of “Magic 8 Balls” from which to choose. I picked the one which told me (when I inquired of it being worthy of my project):

Try again later.

That’s when I knew I had found “the one”.



Bitch Cakes: it would be great if you could get the die inside to say things like “every 30 minutes” “change tracks at bedford nostrand” “no service between BK and LIC” – you know, your usual G Train shenanigans.

stencil in place

Stencil in place.

Heather: And for shits and giggles: the dreaded “sick passenger”.

going green

The transformation has begun— albeit with some difficulty. See that green thumb? I can assure you it is only superficial. Want a plant to die? Just let me handle it.

Bitch Cakes: Yes! This is the question: “How is the G Train going to fuck up my commute today?” shake and voila! haha

getting there

Getting there…

closer still

Closer still. G is for GLITTER! I made good use of all the campaign mailers we have been receiving recently.


Thanks Mario ANDREW Cuomo—- but no thanks. We have our own dysfunction here.


The Crosstown Local puts the “fun” in “dysfunctional”— and this is something no elected official has not, will not, ever take away from us! When I inquired the “Magickal G Train Service Advisory Ball” if it was ready to take on the onerous task of providing answers to Crosstown Local patrons, this is what it had to say.


That’s the right attitude! Any and all can posit a question to this “made in China”— but retrofitted in Greenpoint— sage on Twitter. I am giving Bitch Cakes the honor of an inaugural question. After that anything goes.

Let’s shake it up!

*This is a “hate criminal” according to 94th Precinct.


Who’s gonna be next?


New York Shitty Day Starter: Homeless Shelter Town Hall

December 10, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

This (with one correction/clarification by yours truly) comes courtesy of Rami Metal, the Community Liaison for our City Councilman, Steve Levin. Rami writes:

Hi Heather.  I just sent out an email to folks about a Town Hall that we’re having on Monday night about the proposed Homeless Shelter.  Below is the text of that email.  I’ve also attached two fliers, one in English and one in polish as well as the letter that Councilman Levin wrote to Commissioner Diamond some weeks back.  Sorry that I didn’t get it to you sooner.  Please feel free to post this on the blog.


Dear Friends,

Please join Council Member Stephen Levin and Senator Martin Malave Dilan for a Town Hall Meeting this coming Monday to discuss the Department of Homeless Services (DHS) proposal to put a 200 bed men’s homeless shelter in Greenpoint.  The shelter would be located at 400 McGuinness Boulevard (SE corner of Clay and McGuinness) and would be run by Help USA. Council Member Levin has written to DHS (see attached letter) stating his objections to this proposal but DHS has indicated that it will continue to move forward with its plan.

Here’s the deal (as I see it):

  • Help USA has been hardly been forthcoming , much less cared to dialogue, with the very community who may be concerned— and rightfully so— about how their “intake center” for homeless single men will impact their community. This is not unusual; in fact, it seems to be their M.O.
  • That’s right, an intake center. In other words: not a homeless shelter per se, but a processing center. A rotating door.
  • Instead we had a representative of DHS tell us it might help our homeless problem. He himself said admission was voluntary and under our fair city’s current (and very Victorian strictures, I will add) this means one cannot drink if one wants shelter. I seriously doubt this will address our “homeless” problem. They will continue to select drinking over housing and more will die. On our streets.
  • For the above reasons I would like to see a total overhaul of how our “unhoused” are treated starting right here in Greenpoint.  By Bloomturd’s criteria many of the derelicts you see on the Garden Spot’s streets are not homeless— by virtue of the fact they have family here. Families which can no longer manage and are in no way qualified to deal with their loved ones’s problems. It’s an elegant way to fudge the numbers— but Bloomberg has proven himself to be very good at that kind of thing.
  • I would like to humbly suggest our fair city explore setting up a wet shelter . This has been done with success.

It comes down to this: If given the choice between drinking and a place to sleep at night chronic alcoholics tend to choose the first. Do you want our city/HELP USA to continue to preach morality (don’t drink and you’ll have a warm place to sleep tonight) and use it to justify placing a 200 bed intake center for single men as “addressing our problem”? Or do you want to get to the heart of our, Greenpoint’s, “homeless problem” and admit that the system we have in place is not working— and demand our city— DHS included— be held accountable? Here’s your opportunity to do just this.

December 13, 2010 6:00 – 8:00 P.M.
Polish Slavic Center
176 India Street
Brooklyn, NY 11222

Being against this shelter does not make you “anti-homeless”. Rather, it is I am against this homeless intake center and HELP USA’s refusal to be accountable to very community it will purportedly “help”.

If the petitions I created in Spanish and have collected are any indication, the rather large Hispanic community situated near this shelter— many of whom are recent immigrants— are against this shelter.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Did I mention Andrew Cuomo, our governor-elect, was a founding member of HELP USA? He is! As is his sister, Maria Cuomo Cole.

New York Shitty Photo Du Jour: Green Street

October 14, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Taken October 14, 2010.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Notes From The Joint Public Safety/Human Services Meeting, Part I

It has been a long (but not necessarily bad) day for yours truly. Nonetheless I attended this evening’s meeting and will now endeavor to upload footage. I was unable to get everything on film but what I did get should reflect the concerns and attitude of the community at large. I will be posting these videos as they are successfully uploaded— so stay tuned!

Oh yeah, Help USA declined to show. Here’s a time line thoughtfully provided by our local Community Board which outlines the numerous opportunities this organization has been offered to inform us, the public, about their proposed homeless shelter for 400 McGuinness Boulevard (AKA: 146 Clay Street).


A Representative from the Department Of Homeless Services Speaks

In the meantime I will leave you with the following statistics:

  • Number of times the word “bullshit” was used: 2
  • Number of times the word “diarrhea” was used: 1

And some general observations/gossip:

  • The owner of an adjoining property, 394 McGuinness Boulevard, stated that his tenants have made it clear they will move out if this homeless shelter is approved.
  • There was much bemoaning about the lack of “open bar”. As one old timer put it: “At least they can buy you a drink when they’re screwing you”.
  • I had two people tell me that the city owns 400 McGuinness. Methinks this (if it is in fact true) it is due to a tax lien. I see nothing whatsoever to suggest such action has been taken. What’s more, I have no reason to believe the city would resort to such drastic measures: I’ve seen much worse here and they have done nothing. Nonetheless, the representative from the Department of Homeless Services has gone on to the record as stating he will provide the name and contact information of the owner to the Community Board.
  • Many questions (and overall rancor) involved the Greenpoint Hotel. Chairman Gangone stated he had no knowledge of what designs the new owner of this establishment had in regards to this property. Speaking as someone who attended said Human Services meeting (and took notes) I’d like to refresh his— and everyone’s memory.*

Miss Heather

*Pay special attention to “TENANTS (Future)” and “THE FUTURE OF 1109-1113 MANHATTAN AVENUE”.

New York Shitty Day Ender: C’mon In, We’re Open!

January 26, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

It’s been awhile, but today I walked by Cutting Edge Fitness.

Not surprisingly, this establishment is (still) open for business. Despite a Stop Work Order, the owner of said establishment being barred from operating a gym— for the rest of his life and ordered to pay restitution by the Attorney General’s office and a rather pesky ECB violation: #34754765Y.

Looks like it is business as usual in Williamsburg.

Miss “eagerly anticipating this post’s amplification” Heather

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