The Word On The Street, Part II: Morgan Avenue

September 18, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11206, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn, The Word On The Street

Taken September 18, 2014.

Urban Artifact: Wish Fulfillment!

September 18, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11206, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn, Street Furniture, Urban Artifact

So over the last week we have had:

1. Time Warner employee sex at the Newtown Creek Nature Walk.*

2. Some blue chip public urination at Graham Avenue’s B43 bus stop thrown in for good measure

3. Indecent exposure (as seen at left) on our very Crosstown Local.

Yes, gentle readers, I’d say things are hoppin’. So much so I lament not seeing my share of the action. Obviously I have been not at the wrong place at the right time. I shared my disappointment with my public urination tipster. To wit, he/she replied:

Awwww Heather. I just know there’s an exposed penis out there for you too. And I bet when you see it, it’ll be the longest one of all.

Today it finally happened— in a manner of speaking. Thankfully it did not involve lewd public acts and I actually had the choice of looking— or not. Read on!

Ever had the feeling you’re being watched? Today while strolling along Stagg Street I did.

Sure enough I was right. So help me, but I can swear this fellow was beckoning me to come closer.

So I did.

As you can see my new friend is, to use vulgar parlance, “pitching a tent”. Let’s go in!

What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty! In form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an Angel! in apprehension HOW LIKE A GOD!

— William Shakespeare, emphasis mine— Ed. Note.

I can only imagine what the provenance of this item is. A remnant of some hitherto unknown bacchanalian Industrial Business Zone ritual, perhaps?

Here’s looking at you, kid…

Closing on a somewhat related note, your’s truly discovered and acquired a most fascinating product recently. I present without further ado, Peni Fresh!

Actually I acquired a few bars— much to the amusement of the staff at said deli/grocery. One was a birthday present (said birthday boy was present), the others will be stocking stuffers. The holiday season will be upon us soon enough and let’s face facts: nothing says “Good will toward your fellow man” quite like telling them, however subtly, that they need to wash their tackle. I have yet to discern exactly what is meant by “TUTTI-FRUITTI” flavor. Methinks I’ll leave that task to Ralphie. Those of you who want to upgrade your mere dingus to a dicksicle, methinks I have found the product to make it happen. Cheers!

Peni Fresh: the Freshmaker!

*surveillance footage of which was requested by and is apparently making the rounds through the Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee!

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From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: The Word On The Street

September 12, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11206, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn, Street Art, The Word On The Street

Taken by Scoboco.

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From The New York Shitty Inbox: Live From The B43 Bus Stop

September 12, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11211, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn

An anonymous tipster writes:

Hi Heather!

While waiting for the 43 at Graham & Grand, I noticed a man seemingly passed out across the street. And I called 911. While waiting for help, I noticed the guy coming to. Well, pictures speak louder than words

Behold, the staredown of shame.

Damn.

For those of you who are not in the know on top of this Polaroid moment a pair of Time Warner employees— in uniform— were spied engaging in oral sex on the premises of our very own Nature Walk. NOTE: there is a rather large Time Warner facility located next door to this park. I guess the company bathroom simply does not have the same je nais sais quoi. In any case, I suppose the upshot is some are, in fact, enjoying our “open spaces”. Albeit in a rather unconventional matter.

Sorry folks, no photos— at least not yet. What this couple may not be aware of (or perhaps they simply do not care) is there are surveillance cameras on the premises. This incident has been brought to the attention of the Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee, to much amusement I’ll add. “NCMC” has, in turn, placed a request for said footage.* We’ll see. In any case those of you who seek porn should not pay a premium on cable, simply head over to the Nature Walk!

Naturally I had to make my tipster aware of this. To wit, he/she replied.

Awwww Heather. I just know there’s an exposed penis out there for you too. And I bet when you see it, it’ll be the longest one of all. 🙂

Awww. Thank you!

*In addition, removing the “no dogs” rules has been brought to the table. Dog owners should be pleased about this as there is no dog run hereabouts. Just don’t let Fido play in the creek, okay?

Posted by missheather 1 Comment

Quicklink: DNA.info

September 10, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11206, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn, Gentrification, The Natives Are Getting Restless

I damned near shot beer out of my nose when I read this corker. I do not think I need to explain why: the first line of this tome pretty much says it all. Nonetheless, I do feel compelled to reiterate the “Schwick” is actually not located in Bushwick. It is in East Williamsburg. It would appear DNA.info is not the only one who has has made note of this.

Uh oh.

OUCH!

But of course we all know the “Bushwick” brand is much edgier— and by “edgier” I mean lucrative. So they’re gonna roll with it. Geography be damned! Hell, if even Vogue has jumped on the Bushwick bandwagon you know someone fearful of Boca Raton will make the journey to north Brooklyn’s “hinterlands”. What’s more, they’ll consider themselves “brave” for having had the experience.

The Shwick: It’s Bushwick, curated, so you do not have to deal with people outside your age group, race or class!

You know, the very folks who made this community worth visiting in the first place. Who wants that?

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