Williamspoint Photos Du Jour: Critters

May 17, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Street Art, Williamsburg 







From Greenpoint Avenue, Ainslie Street, Kent Avenue & Wythe Avenue.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photos Du Jour: Big Green Monster

May 16, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Greenpoint Magic, Urban Artifact 

Feeling somewhat better I went to work today. Albeit later than usual and with snot rag in tow. Therefore, I got out for my usual walk later than usual and in my harried dither forgot to load the battery into my camera. Whoops.


Thankfully I had bumped into Bitchcakes and she lent me hers so I could capture this select find.


Man(ties) overboard!


You won’t like me when I’m angry.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Is For Art Lovers

May 15, 2009 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Greenpoint Magic 

Every world class city has an art museum. Paris has the Louvre. London has The Victoria & Albert Museum, Moscow has the Pushkin. Our own fair city has the Guggenheim, MOMA, the Whitney and numerous others. I imagine all the previous are nice enough (not that I would know from personal experience: I have not been overseas since I was nine years old), but there’s something about the white walls and museum guards that make me feel less than welcome.

For this reason and many more (as you will see) I am very proud to announce that Greenpoint— yes, the Garden Spot of the Universe— too has its own museum and the co-proprietors will make you feel right at home! Where is this hitherto unknown oasis of culture, you ask?


This Pompidou for the people is located at 61 Greenpoint Avenue (AKA: our very beloved Pencil Factory)! Let’s take a peek inside, shall we?


This installation is what first caught my eye. Immediately after I took the above photograph the co-docents eagerly rushed in to explain to me the purpose/provenance of their collection: it is all stuff they found on the street. Noting my interest on the mummified doll second from the right one of the guys offered to let me have it. I declined, as I felt its absence would diminish the overall je nais sais quoi of this installation.


To my educated eye what these guys have going is a lot more than mere chock a block collection of urban detritus. The real genius lies in how our co-curators (who I presume to be co-managers of the freight elevator) put this show together.


L’il Jon juxtaposed with a mass-produced print of a lion to which someone has added the inscription:

I love animals.


Babes: deconstructed.


After I took the above photograph one of the gentleman pointed out to me that the women in the bottom left hand photograph are drunk. I joked to him that if these lasses weren’t at the time this picture was taken they probably were shortly thereafter. He found this very amusing.


Landscapes, still lives, paint by numbers, abstracts and of course…


another scantily clad woman.


This Paul Richard hangs in the elevator across from…


a woman wearing a head brace and yet more scantily clad women. I imagine at this point the more humorless feminists reading this are getting into a tizzy. No worries, these guys have something for everyone.


These lights were rather nice.


This chicken was hands-down one of my faves. Note the artful placement of two red feathers!


And who in their right mind could object to this portrait of the virgin Mary?


Especially when juxtaposed with the King of Pop, Jesus Juice and Bubbles the Chimp!


They have Piglet, Tigger and Winnie the Pooh too!


I give this collection— which hails from the freight entrance of the Eberhard Faber Pencil Factory and which I have christened the Greenpoint Museum of Art— two enthusiastic thumbs up! Bravo, guys!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Dude, Where’s My Park?

May 12, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Some of you may or may not be aware that I am on the steering committee for what has been dubbed “WNYC Transmitter Park”.


But most people, my fellow Greenpointers included, better know it as “that vacant lot at the end of Greenpoint Avenue”. I mention this because GWAPP in cooperation with NAG (Neighbors Allied For Good Growth) will be conducting what can best be called a “Park-In” protesting the lack of open space in Greenpoint promised under the now infamous 2005 re-zone. I’ll let the folks from NAG take it from here:

Remember the 2005 Greenpoint-Williamsburg Rezoning? In it, we were told that in exchange for enormous buildings along the water front we would receive a number of parks and open spaces to relax in, to get up by the water, to play soccer, to do whatever we please!

Not one park has been completed, not one has been opened.

So while the rest of New York City is celebrating “It’s My Park Day!” on May 16th, NAG and GWAPP will be instead asking, “Where’s My Park?!?” in an act of community awareness and civic action.

Bring your kids and your grandmas to the NAG Office (N 8th and Kent) at 12:30p to make some pro-park crafts and picket signs, and then join us at 2:00p at Bushwick Inlet (N 14th and Kent) as we march down past several of the promised parks’ locked gates. The day will end with a block party full of music, games, refreshments, and community… in a parking lot.

Come help us make a scene! It’s the only way we’ll unplug the City’s deaf ears across the river.

What NAG’s press release does not mention specifically is WNYC Transmitter Park is one of the “promised parks”. I have been assured the money has been set aside to build it. And by “it” I mean the park, not the pier and water taxi.


Still, when I walk by this site (as I did May 9th which is when the photographs gracing this post date from) to discover a newly built deck, tires and oil drums being employed as planters it makes me wonder…


what’s going on? If the Parks Department (who owns and occupies this land) can enjoy this space why can’t we?

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Bushwick Inlet Park (where the Monitor was built and as such is a historically significant site) and 65 Commercial Street (which is currently occupied by the MTA) are also on the itinerary. The previous should be a park. The latter leaves me with certain trepidations. David Yassky’s lackeys have seen fit to spam a great number of neighborhood groups in north Brooklyn with a petition addressed to Mayor Bloomberg demanding the MTA vacate 65 Commercial Street:


Particularly frustrating is the fact a few months ago the MTA decided, seemingly of it’s (sic) own volition, to remove the buses that had been the main obstacle for leaving the site.

What’s particularly frustrating to me are the manifold ways David Yassky has failed north Brooklyn as a City Councilman and seems unwilling to admit it. Sure, I like the fancy garbage cans with his name emblazoned upon them (for reasons I will not go into here) but I cannot shake the feeling David “I’m running for Comptroller” is simply using us for votes. I have learned over the years that the key to deciphering David is to follow the money. His maligning of the MTA is merely a crass exploitation of popular sentiment against their malfeasance. So as to direct attention away from his shoddy record in our community (take 184 Kent Avenue, for example).

Those of you interested in participating in this event (and I encourage you to do so, you can get more details by checking out NAG’s blog) please do not confuse Mr. Yassky’s recent interest in Greenpoint or financial involvement in its “parks” (READ: India Street) as being genuine concern. Ask him why a parcel of land ostensibly owned by the New York City’s Parks Department has yet to become a park for its own citizens.

March For Parks
May, 16, 2009
Preparations start at the NAG Office at 12:30 p.m.:
101 Kent Avenue, Brooklyn 11211
March starts at Bushwick Inlet at 2:00 p.m.
The odds David Yassky will be soap boxing/shilling for votes when you reach the promised “party”:
let’s just say I wouldn’t bet against it.

Miss Heather

P.S.: This the most vomit-inducing plea for money I have seen. EVER.

New York Shitty PSA: Tomorrow

May 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 


Those of you who have grown weary of the above two establishments and the nuisance they have posed to our community mark your calendars. Tomorrow is the day you have been waiting for! The following screencap is an excerpt of the eating and drinking establishments whose liquor licenses are up for renewal.


As you will notice two of Greenpoint’s more, how should I say, NOTORIOUS venues are on this list. This means at tomorrow night’s Community Board One meeting you will, at long last, have an opportunity to let your feelings be known about the manifold contributions these establishments have made to our community’s quality of life:

  • noise
  • litter
  • traffic congestion and lest we forget…


  • bullets

Community Board 1 Meeting
May 12, 2009; 6:30 p.m.
211 Ainslie Street
Brooklyn, New York 11211

Be advised that in order to speak you MUST sign in by or before 6:15 p.m.

Miss Heather

More People In My Neighborhood: Springtime Edition

May 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Greenpoint Magic 

Now that the family has come and gone I am left with the daunting task of sorting all the photographs I have taken over the last week. Follows are a few select shots of my fellow Greenpointers. Enjoy!


A Greenpoint Avenue grandma for lunch.


Nodding off in front of Mickey D’s.


Waiting for the bus with a smile and a song!


Love, Kent Street style.


Nap time at Java Car Service.


Picking a winner at Tommy’s Tavern.


Grabbing a handful at Dupont Street.

Miss Heather

This Is Why I Like Teenagers

May 6, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Greenpoint Magic 

(Or, The G Train Strikes Back)

This morning my parents made their return to the Land of Enchantment. Our week long vacation seeing the sights of this fair city  (the fun stuff, not the offal shilled in travel brochures) was pretty uneventful. That is until we decided to go to Manducatis last night for dinner. Or more accurately when we decided to come home via (you guessed it) the G train. For a Tuesday evening the train was curiously crowded. Mostly with teenagers in a very lively mood. I chose to sit next to them. My parents— not being acclimatized to such shenanigans (as are most retirees)— kept their distance. In hindsight this was an excellent decision on their part, as you will learn.

After we got off at Greenpoint Avenue we dropped by the local wine store and headed home. It was as I was headed up the stairs of our apartment building that the Mister spied something nested in the hood of my jacket. Upon closer inspection he told me what it was. Follows is my reply:

You’re kidding, right?

No. He wasn’t.


After we established that the prophylactic in question was indeed unused I ceased to care. My mother (who can be seen recoiling in horror in the background of the above photograph which was taken by Mister Heather*) felt differently. Now that I have had time to think about it, it isn’t so much the fact that someone saw fit to use me as some kind of walking advertisement for safe sex that troubles me. I’ve had lit cigarettes flung at my person with amazing accuracy. And worse. Public humiliation no longer fazes me. Rather, it’s the fact that I walked 2-3 city blocks with this hilarious item in tow and no one seemed to notice. Or care.

In closing I’d like to give a heaping helping of New York Shitty gratitude to those mischievous youths on the Smith – 9th bound G train. You gave my parents the quintessential Crosstown Local experience. Thanks guys!

Miss Heather

*Who then proceeded to tell my parents:

She comes home with condoms stuck to her all the time.

Crosstown Local Photos Du Jour: What A Piece Of Work Is The Crosstown Local

May 5, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crazy People, Crosstown Local, Greenpoint Magic 

Nassau Avenue


O Wonder!

How many goodly creatures are there here!
How beauteous mankind is! O Brave new world
That has such people in it!

Greenpoint Avenue


What piece of work is a man the G train! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! In apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? man delights not me: no, nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so. — William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act II, Scene II

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Product Placement: Sephora Smackdown

April 14, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Greenpoint Magic 


Those of you who have read this blog over the years probably have deduced that I am a feminist. This is true. But unlike some of my sisters I also sport a sense of humor. Riding the G train demands a certain appreciation for the absurd. In short, the Crosstown Local would probably make Franz Kafka, Kurt Vonnegut and George Orwell— rock stars in my literary universe— chuckle. Which brings me back to the above advertisement.


Are you ready for a fateful encounter on the subway?

This advertisement from Sephora asks— in the hope of playing upon a woman’s insecurity about her personal appearance. On the G train. A subway line I can assure you is laden with sexy beasts of the male variety. NOT.

After some careful consideration I created the following rebuttal via a PowerPoint flow chart. A medium specifically designed to be digested by idiots with a short attention span: not unlike what the wizards behind Sephora’s advertisement had in mind. Simply less sexy. That’s the G train way.


Do the math.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: It’s BAAAACK!

April 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Greenpoint Magic 


April 11, 2009

Metropolitan Transit Authority
Attn: H. Dale Hemmerdinger, Chairman
347 Madison Avenue
New York, NY 10017-3739

Re: advertisement on Queens-bound platform at Greenpoint Avenue

Dear Mr. Hemmerdinger,

What did my community ever do to you to deserve this? I mean, I can handle the odd pervert whipping out his penis— but hammertoes too? Have a heart, Dale. Please.


Miss Heather
Proprietress of New York Shitty, Greenpoint citizen & patron of the Crosstown Local

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