New York Shitty Slide Show Du Jour: 5Pointz

October 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11101, Long Island City, Queens, Street Art 

As promised, here are some highlights from today’s trip to 5Pointz. Enjoy!

The one thing I learned while wandering around this amazing facility is you simply cannot document with it a camera: it has to be experienced in person. Those of you who have the time and/or inclination really should go there and see it for yourself. It’s really neat!

Miss Heather

Long Island City Photo Du Jour: No Trespassing

October 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11101, Queens, Street Art 

sobchak

Since my web site was up and down today (mostly down) I decided to do something I have always wanted to do: take a stroll around 5Pointz in Long Island City. It was on Crane Street (next to a “No Trespassing” sign, no less) that I stumbled upon Walter. “World of pain” or not I simply had to pass him along one and the same. Closing on that note (that being one of pain) I am off to nurse a sore throat. You can anticipate a slide show featuring highlights from my 5Pointz experience later this evening. So stay tuned!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Pep Talk

September 13, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11101, Long Island City, Queens 

ilikeu

From a garbage container on 49th Avenue, Long Island City.

Miss Heather

Citypoint Photos Du Jour: Why?

September 13, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Queens 

Okay— I will be the first to admit that although I know “work” is being done on the Pulaski I am pretty ignorant of the scope of said “work”. Getting “up-to-speed” on this matter has been on my “to do” list for some time but has been sadly lost among the numerous other things I have to do. Today it was cleaning the apartment in anticipation of my brother-in-law’s visit.

After spending the afternoon exorcising our refrigerator, picking up stuff and arguing with each other the Mister and I got a bit peckish. We decided to go to Creek and Cave for dinner. To this end we hopped on the B61 bus* and headed to Long Island City without delay. Afterward— since the evening was nice and cool— we decided to walk home. This is when I noticed something was amiss on the Pulaski.

jacksonave

It would appear the pedestrian walkway has be demarcated into “Queens bound” and “Brooklyn bound” lanes.

whitelines

Or not. It was pretty much business as usual: bicyclists tearing down the walkway shouting at pedestrians to get out of the way.

bordenavestairs

This is what you’ll find at the Borden Avenue stairwell. I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. Walk at your own risk?

almosthalfway

As I approached the Kings County border I noticed the lines had stopped.

Perhaps this hilarity will be confined to Queens?

I thought to myself.

kingsco

Nope.

ashststairwell

Can someone please explain to me what this is supposed to achieve? Painting white lines along a pedestrian walkway on a bridge strikes me as being redundant. If one is to cross these lines he (or she) will either end up in Newtown Creek or McGuinness Boulevard: a one-way ticket to Woodhull. All the previous strike me as being much better deterrents to stay on the walkway than a pair of white lines.

eaglest

The same goes for dividing the entrance ramps. Does the city honestly think this is going to change anything? It isn’t.

Before all the bicycle enthusiasts reading this tome get their collective panties in a wad I want you to think about the following before you comment (and/or criticize); I am not against bicycling. I am simply tired of almost being run over by bicyclists and/or being shouted at to get out of the way when I walk across the Pulaski Bridge. This is not a matter of bicycles or “green” transportation; it is one of being a good neighbor. What I have experienced on the Pulaski Bridge is anything but neighborly.

Pedestrians are just as entitled to use this walkway as bicyclists— but given the behavior I have experienced on the part of most bicyclists who use this thoroughfare this would not appear to be the case. It’s a simple matter of respect. I respect the right to ride bicycles. In turn, I would like to have my right to walk across the Pulaski in peace respected.

Painting lines on the pedestrian walkway is not going to teach people common courtesy. For this reason I am becoming increasingly of the mindset that dedicating one of the lanes of McGuinness Boulevard as a bike lane might be the most practical (and palatable) solution to this problem.

Miss Heather

*Where one individual managed to break the Metrocard reader by dumping a bunch of dimes in it. So we rode for free. Thank you, idiot.

Long Island City Photo Du Jour: A Sign Of The Times

July 5, 2009 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens 

JOBS

This lovely reminder of the state of our economy (and the blight these newspaper stands pose to our community) is located at Court Square and was the crowning touch to my day trip to Douglaston, Queens under the tutelage/guidance of the ever fbulous Kevin Walsh of Forgotten-NY. You can look forward to seeing highlights from my journey later this evening— so stay tuned!

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Real Estate Advertising: Special Long Island City Edition

June 29, 2009 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens, Recession 

As time has gone by I have taken a much kinder view of our friends across the creek. I do not want to suggest I like the rather substantial apartment buildings in Long Island City: I don’t. But their advertising strategies are a constant source of fascination and amusement to yours truly. Just like the Garden Spot of the Universe no location, however wretched, is unsuitable as a place of luxurious and commodious accommodations in 11101. With the previous in mind (and tongue firmly in cheek) I will share with you some of my latest finds. Enjoy!

vere

EXHIBIT A: The Vere Condominiums
Location: Jackson Avenue and Purves Street
New York Shitty Analysis: This is a testament to the sore lack of inventiveness to be found in the advertising industry nowadays— or the impact President Obama has made in our collective consciousness. Probably both. Nonetheless $350,000 is still too much for this location. Go to the end of Purves Street— preferably late at night— and you’ll see what I am talking about. Then again if your idea of “stimulus” is being reminded of your own mortality (preferably at the hands of someone lurking in the dark shadows of a ginormous vacant lot) this might be the place for you.

doubledecker

EXHIBIT B: THIS
Location: Borden Avenue and 5th Street
New York Shitty Analysis:

Me (to Mister Heather): What the fuck? It looks they stacked one building on top of  another!
Mister Heather: Yup.

murano1

Me: HOLY SHIT!

murano2

I guess they’re trying to suggest this place is about to be launched. It looks like it is exploding. The last time I saw something like this George W. Bush bombed Afghanistan. A lot of good that has done us.

I said.

To wit the Mister said:

Or the tenants just learned there is affordable housing on the top four floors and have set it on fire.

Me: NAH, the developer defaulted on a construction loan and is torching the place for the insurance money.

startower

EXHIBITS C-E: Star Tower
Location: 28-02 42nd Road
New York Shitty Analysis: The use of “star” is rapidly becoming a pet peeve of mine. If Michael Jackson’s death has been instructive to yours truly in any way it is that I do not want to be a star. If for no other reason because racking up six figure pharmaceutical bills is beyond my means. Come to think of it, they were beyond Mr. Jackson’s as well. I guess being a star isn’t what’s cracked up to be. But I digress.

Another pet peeve of mine is also manifest at this site: the virtual absence of real people in their renderings.

starpeeps

Behold the new face of Long Island City— and it does not appear to be a very happy one at that. This woman looks like she just sucked a lemon. Or knocked back a few meds with that glass of chardonnay. Not that I’m being judgmental; if I lived a stone’s throw from Queensboro Plaza I’d be practicing the art of self-medication too.

realpeople

NOW THIS IS MORE LIKE IT! Granted, this family unit probably does not reside in the Star Tower (I’m guessing they’re headed to the rather sizable piece of Detroit steel parked to the right). This is a shame as these are the kind of people I WANT as neighbors.

If any of the advertising wizards behind the Star Tower are reading this: after a woman reaches a certain point in her life (that being the business-end of her 30’s) images of svelte women on balconies cease to be selling tools. Quite to the contrary; it serves as a reminder that she (in this case me) is no longer a size “00”— and nothing short of an eating disorder or plastic surgery is going to change this reality.

Conversely, if you were to take the above family and Photoshop them into one of your balconies— ideally with “Joe Sixpack” knocking back a few brewskis with his buddies, watching “the game” via satellite dish (which is affixed to said balcony) while wearing a ball cap which reads “This is not a bald spot, it is a solar panel for a sex machine” I’d be all over your product like white trash on Rice-a-roni. Screw sex: Schadenfreude sells!

Which brings me to our last property.

teddyisathief

The site of a former “gentleman’s club” on 27th Street I like to call “Chez Teddy”.

CLOSED

scumbag

thiefandcoward

Alas poor Teddy, I never knew the him well but suspect he got a bum rap.

HOES

A bum scantily clad with a g-string, that is.

getnaked

Clearly someone thought he was a righteous dude.

forsale

In any case this property is not only available for sale but it is also conveniently located to transportation!

viewofunderpass

One need only look up to find it. Surely there is an entrepreneur out there with the vision and finances to give this prime location the make-over it deserves? I for one envision a tower built atop the original structure. Its name will the “The Infinity” and the stripper poles currently contained therein will be incorporated into a cutting edge fitness center. Women are paying top dollar to learn this kind of thing nowadays— what’s more, in this brave new economy it never hurts to pick up a few new job skills.

Now that’s a stimulus package I for one can get behind! Preferably with a phat wad of one dollar bills.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Slide Show Du Jour: Long Island City

June 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens 

Betty GrableNYS

As promised, follows is a selection of photographs from yesterday’s trek to Long Island City. At my journey’s end I was tired, a bit sweaty, more than a little cranky and had been rained on numerous times. No worries, gems like the above image (where a patron of the Crab House, which I am pleased to announce has reopened after a fire earlier this year, sizing up Betty Grable’s— um— assets and of course that magnificent double rainbow) made it totally worthwhile. Enjoy!

And that’s all she wrote!

Miss Heather

Photos Du Jour: Long Island City Shots

March 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Queens 

eatshit

Now that the Mac Off* is behind me I have had the time to upload some really lovely photographs from my latest sojourn to Long Island City. I hope you enjoy looking at them as much as I enjoyed taking them!

Footage from this evening’s Mac Off will be forthcoming tomorrow!

Miss Heather

*Which was not without controversy. For starters Mizz Greenpoint does not in fact live in Greenpoint: she lives in Park Slope. In addition Red Star saw fit to put bacon in their mac and cheese thus precluding me from eating it. Not that this made any real difference; we immediately and unanimously agreed The Habitat deserved props. Way to go guys (and gals)!

  • NYS Flickr Pool

    GowanusDSCF5006GowanusWhat Is Art?The Crabby ShackPink Work LocomotiveCOLOR MY WORLDGiuseppe Verdi Monument
  • Ads