From The New York Shitty Inbox: What To Do With A Dead Raccoon?

March 1, 2013 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Wow, WTF 

A lady we’ll call “S” writes (in an email entitled “Nature red tooth and claw in Greenpoint “) yesterday evening at 10:51 p.m.:

Hi Heather,

Knowing that you regularly report on raccoon sightings and doings in Greenpoint (in fact, last year you published a picture of a raccoon looking through my back door at my cat) I had to tell you the terrible event I witnessed tonight. At about 7 o’clock while I was cooking dinner I started to hear weird high pitched sounds coming from my back yard. Like a strange bird, or kids yelling or like a dog yelping in pain. My cat was frantic at the back door. So my daughter and I got flashlights and went out on our porch. We could hear thumping and rustling sounds coming from the space between the porch and the house next door. We shone our flashlights down and saw raccoons wrestling. At first it wasn’t clear what they were doing. Mating? Fighting each other over some food? As we watched it became clear that this was a serious fight between the two. The larger raccoon was biting and then jerking its head to the side the way carnivores do to tear at their prey. I tried to stop it by banging on a pot and then throwing some water down on them, but they remained locked in combat. We tried to take pictures of the fight, buy it was too dark. Eventually the larger one killed the smaller one and proceeded to eviscerate and eat part of it. We could tell from the crunching sounds. We left him to his meal and when we came back out a short time later the victor was gone leaving the dead raccoon. And I’m sure not going down there to investigate until daylight! This was amazing to me because I have never observed raccoons to be aggressive or violent with each other. There is a group that lives in the nearby backyards and I would see them frequently until the weather got cold. Recently the weather has been so mild it’s hard to believe that they have been driven to cannibalism by cold and hunger. Zombie raccoons?

Now what does one do with a dead raccoon? I considered putting a post on Craigslist to see if there was an amateur taxidermist who might want it. Then I started thinking of the responses I might get. Joel, the nice guy at 311 told me to call tomorrow and to emphasize that the raccoon might have had rabies so that animal control will come and take the corpse. Otherwise I can bag it and put it out with the rest of the trash. Ewwwww! Can you think of any other way to deal with it?

Besides sharing the weirdness of this incident with you and soliciting your disposal ideas, I also wanted to know if you have heard of anything like this. Maybe you should warn people that raccoons could attack pets left in the back yards. I don’t want to see an anti-raccoon crusade start in Greenpoint. I always thought it was kind of magical to see the raccoon group making its rounds, eating apples in my tree or sleeping on the fire escape. But I am going to be a little more cautious in the future.

Your fellow wildlife fan,


PS–I just remembered that this morning I saw the Cooper’s hawk in my back yard. It’s a regular Mutual of Omaha show around here!!

After re-reading this item (there was quite a lot to absorb) I brought it to the Mister’s attention. His response was as follows:

Cook it.*

After calling him a wise-ass (which he is) I pointed out that some time ago a raccoon was found with rabies in Long Island City and as such consuming one may not be such a good idea. He agreed. We also agreed that advertising it on Craigslist would in all likelihood net some responses this woman may not find palatable. In the end we concluded that 311 was the way to go, the operator with whom she spoke counseled her well and, yes, pet owners need to be mindful we do share our community with these critters. While raccoons are generally not aggressive, they can be. Take note, north ‘Pointers!

*NOTE: This comes from a man who recently saw fit to prepare popcorn with leftover bacon fat. In so doing he created what can best be described as sauna /steam room whose aromatic ambiance was not unlike being in a vat of hot dog water. It took running the exhaust fan for 45 minutes to make the kitchen habitable. Yup.

New York Shitty Day Starter: Breakfast

Raccoon in Central Park

Taken by mytummytalkstome.

A Greenpoint Raccoon Fact: Gutters Make Good Shitters

A lady we call “C” writes (in regards to this post):

So – raccoons AND poop! During the summer of 2010, we had a raccoon who would climb up our fire escape 3 floors to the roof of our building and then poop in our rain gutter. Seriously!

We have a few stray cats who live in the backyard, so I guess he was looking for a safe place to poop away from them. It didn’t appear that he hung out on the roof to eat or sleep.

We called around and were ready to have someone trap him, but then we never saw him again. We’re on Huron. Maybe he moved to Mark Bar?

This just keeps getting better and better folks. In any case after a cursory search it would appear that raccoon roof-shitting is, in fact, not that uncommon. Who knew?

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Raccoons In Greenpoint?

October 12, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

A lady named Sophia (who sent me the above photo, which I have taken the liberty of annotating) writes:

Im not sure how news worthy this is, but last night around 2am not one, not two, but three raccoons were milling around on the deck of my backyard! They seemed very unafraid of coming so close to the house, and ended up coming right up to the glass and looking in, basically having a staring contest of sorts with my cat through the backyard door.  Even turning on the deck light to get a better view did not seem to phase them. I admit it was pretty entertaining, but the damage they did to some flower beds and plants in our pond makes it a little less so. Im wondering if anyone else has spotted these fellows, i know raccoons have been seen in Greenpoint before, but this fearless crew seemed to step it up to the next level.

I’m not too certain about these fellas, Sophia. However, Greenpoint and raccoons have quite a history of coexistence. In fact, I’d go so far as to say they are an institution of sorts, not unlike Fred and Ginger, Desi and Lucy; Ron and Nancy— or even Brad and Angelina. Save of course the fact none of the previous pairs rummage through garbage cans, climb trees and are possibly carriers of rabies. Then again this has never been conclusively proven— but I digress.

Follows are some of my favorite bits of raccoon-meets-Garden Spot chicanery for everyone’s reading/viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

Greenpoint Survival Tip: A Raccoon Is NOT a Cat; published September 17, 2009

Last night at around 11:30 p.m. the cats started to collect around my bedroom window. Sure enough, our new friend was back in search for grub. He (or she) didn’t have to look very hard as one of my neighbors (who was watching with bemused interest) tossed a large hunk of naan for his culinary pleasure.


With a dull thud this landed about nine feet from our kitchen window. I decided to take action.

Hey, don’t throw food for him to eat!

I shouted.


was his reply.

Me: DO NOT GIVE THIS ANIMAL FOOD. It is a raccoon.
Neighbor: ?
Neighbor: What’s a raccoon?
Me: IT IS A WILD ANIMAL. It might have rabies for all we know. DON’T FEED IT!!!
Neighbor: I thought it was a cat.


Me: It’s not a cat. Don’t feed it, ok?

And with this I thought the evening’s excitement had concluded. It didn’t: my neighbor (wishing to be helpful) decided to get rid of our nocturnal visitor. His plan (throwing eggs at it) had a number of fundamental flaws. Among them:

  1. As I have noted previously, a raccoon is not a cat. Throwing eggs at a cat (though I have never tried it) will probably make it go away. Throwing eggs at a hungry raccoon will not. The fertilized/unfertilized ovum of a domesticated fowl is not a deterrent to such a creature: it is a second course. As we both learned.
  2. This Good Samaritan’s aim was— how should I put it— a bit “off”. Instead of reaching its intended target his salvo skidded along the rooftop and splattered my window screen with aborted chicken goodness.

What followed has to be seen to be believed.

It took me a good five minutes of beating my Maglite against the windowsill to make this scavenger go away. This din woke the Mister up and a whole new round of late night hilarity commenced. And on that note, dear readers, I am off to take up this matter with this gentleman’s landlord.

And talk to the landlord I did! Although the chaps responsible for egging my bedroom window insisted to the very end this critter was a cat, they did stop feeding it. Thus our furry little friend had to go elsewhere to get her grub— and in so doing found some, um, male “companionship” because on June 30, 2010 raccoons started falling from the sky!

From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part I: Raccoon Injured On Manhattan Avenue?

This item comes from a lady named Sophia, she writes:


So, I’m not sure if you have any information about this, but since it’s the sort of subject matter you usually cover, I thought I’d ask. Last night at around 9:00, a baby raccoon fell onto the sidewalk on Manhattan Avenue between Green and Freeman (right in front of the Mark Bar) from where its mother had made a den in the roof of the building. It survived, but was pretty badly injured, and lay there helplessly. A crowd gathered, and three or so people (sympathetic Mark Bar patrons?) were diligently tending to the little guy while attempting to contact the appropriate City authority on their cell phones. I didn’t stick around to see how the situation resolved. Were you aware that this happened? And if so, do you have an update?

To answer Sophie’s questions, no I did not know about this— but I would love to hear an update from someone in the know. If anyone has the low down on what happened pleased tender them via comments or email at: missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com.

I asked— and my readers delivered!

From The New York Shitty Inbox: An Update Regarding The Mark Bar Raccoon; published July 1, 2010.

I asked for it and I got it: the skinny on what happened at the Mark Bar Tuesday night. K writes:

It’s true:  I first came across a baby raccoon near the Mark Bar late Tuesday night.  It was the size of a kitten, and appeared scared and lost.  I followed, then cornered it as I called 311: there was nothing anyone could do, the responder said; ASPCA was closed till morning.

Then last night there were about a half dozen police officers – and another half dozen onlookers – outside the Mark Bar with a spotlight directed toward the roof; cushions lined the sidewalk.  Sure enough, you could see raccoons scurrying about in a hole near the roof molding.  Apparently two had already fallen (hence the cushions).

I later found out the baby raccoon I tried to save on Tuesday was put to sleep.  So was an adult yesterday.  Another baby was let loose in McCarren Park; a third baby is….. well, living in a cage in the Mark Bar right now.
In addition, bleibtreu has tendered his (her?) two cents via comments:

The first good news is that the raccoon didn’t seem to be injured at all. It did lie on the ground not moving for about 90 seconds, then was up and walking. Cooperation between patrons and staff from the Mark Bar and Tommy’s Tavern brought a plastic cat carrier to the scene, and the raccoon was placed inside with the plan for someone to take him home for the night in the hopes that arrangements could be made today to get him to a safe place. I don’t know what happened with that today; a woman who had just left the Mark Bar was contacted by phone and said she worked with some wildlife organizations and may be able to find a place. Someone else had volunteered just to set it loose in his backyard.

There were at least two more still up there, peeking outside. Somebody called the police, from what I saw there was one actual cop and five or six auxiliaries standing around. After one made a crack about “target practice” and was met with anger from the crowd, they ended up doing nothing. The cop said that since there was no immediate danger it wasn’t their concern.

Another raccoon had also fallen the night before. That time, as I understand it, the police responded and took it, saying it would be euthanized — but that’s second hand. But that’s why the bar staff didn’t want NYPD to be called this time. However, no one could be reached at Animal Control and 311 had no other help to offer.

So there have you.

What ever happened to the sole surviving raccoon of this most curious (and sad) turn of events, you ask? Well “Raymond”, as he was named, was taken upstate to safely do whatever raccoons do.


What’s more, he’s really cute! It should be noted in closing that a t-shirt commemorating the “Mark Bar Raccoon Deluge” was created by Chris Smith, the genius responsible for creating this seriously awesome and quite popular Bad Brains inspired Greenpoint t-shirt. It features the above image accompanied with the following text:

Everyone Loves Raymond

When I secure an image of this item I will add it here.

Greenpoint Critter Watch: McGuinness Boulevard

October 5, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Taken October 5, 2010.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Street Art Du Jour: Billyburg Raccoon

September 11, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Street Art, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

This one goes out to my buddy Aaron.

Miss Heather

P.S.: My fellow (T)expatriot has pointed out to me there is a bill pending regarding the compassionate removal (READ: relocation) of these critters that some Greenpointers — myself included— might find of interest. You can read about it here.

Discovered On The Interwebs: Krackoon

July 24, 2010 ·
Filed under: BAD ASS, Bronx, New York City 

When I saw these pictures by Mohdi* on Flickr I simply had to know what the deal was. As many of you are well aware, I have had the occasional encounter with these critters. I spied a url, so I typed and clicked. Here’s what this film is about per their “about” page:

…The Bronx is facing a new problem. The over development of our waterfronts has forced animals such as raccoons, skunks and possums to invade neighborhoods like Locust Point in search of food and shelter which has been denied by the raising of these structures. Unknown to anyone, a crack addicted raccoon with a craving for blood enters the town of Locust Point adding a new dimension to the growing problem. Along the way, we are introduced to a cast of characters out of a demented Norman Rockwell painting, people you have a hard time warming up to, the real monsters in this story…

My advice: check out the second trailer, it’s hilarious.

Or better yet: check out it this upcoming Tuesday, July 27 at the New York International Independent Film & Video Festival!

Miss Heather

*Who has also promised me a one minute interview with the creator of this cinematic masterpiece. I can hardly wait to see it! Here it is!

Chez Shitty Critter Watch: He’s BAAAAACK!

February 22, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 


The non-cat the Mister and I call “Rocky Raccoon” made an unexpected appearance last night— or more accurately— this morning. 5:15 a.m. to be precise. The ruckus was enough to wake the Mister. This is no small achievement. I write this as someone who some experience in this matter. Needless to say when he called me into the bedroom and I noticed all the felines staring out the window with rapt interest I knew I had clearly missed out on something very special.

Inasmuch as I can ascertain (I had the presence of mind to grab the Maglite but not my camera) Rocky was whaling on some fellow varmint. The shrill utterances I heard would certainly indicate this. Needless to say I will investigate/document this matter later. IN DAYLIGHT.

Otherwise, I was disappointed “Rocky” didn’t feast on the shit-filled diaper outside our bedroom window. It’s been there for two months. I guess Rocky has developed more effete tastes.

Miss Heather

Who Was That Masked Man?

August 31, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

eyesAs you have probably noticed today’s offerings on New York Shitty have been delayed. This is because the last two evenings have been livelier than usual at Chez Shitty. No, the Mister and I are not trying to spice up our love life— unless, of course one considers a little pan-species voyeurism sweet. Which brings me to the rather blurry image at left. You will notice there are two greenish dots. Those are eyes. Who— or more accurately WHATdo they belong to, you ask?

These peepers belong to a humble Procyon lotor, better known as the common raccoon. This little fella has made nocturnal visits to my bedroom window (which, should be noted, is located 9 inches away from where I lay my head to sleep) in the wee hours of the morning two nights in a row. The first night I damned near shit my pants when, upon being awakened at 3:00 a.m. in the morning by one of our cats raising holy hell, to find a little masked face staring at me. He (or she?) must have liked what he saw because last night he tried to get in. What’s more, he damn near succeeded.


The fun never stops in New York Shitty.

Miss Heather

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