New York Shitty Day Starter: I Want My Money

May 30, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Lest I have not made this clear I am rather fond of the proprietor of Brooklyn11211. He is a very intelligent person. He has an eye for architectural goodness and possesses a brand of acerbic wit I adore. But we occasionally disagree— make that more often than not nowadays— regarding the 2005 rezone. And rezone 2.0. The 2005 rezone in north Greenpoint is a total and utter failure. Derelict properties, vacant lots and “nondos” pepper my landscape.

Needless to say I found it interesting when my colleague, Brooklyn11211, recently conversed with Jake Mooney of the New York Times and relayed a far more optimistic view of Greenpoint than I possess. What would I know? I only live here and have the pleasure of living on the same block with one of gentrification’s most notorious failures: The Viridian. Sure, I was never fond of the bus depots running 24/7/365 which preceded this faux Modernist turd. But after that “public nuisance” was razed and Magic’s folly commenced Ms. Jacob’s eyes ceased to exist. And my block got seedy.

Now that Magic Johnson (and his funky bunch have declared bankruptcy) and his heap of shit (110 Green Street, AKA the Viridian) is derelict my block has become much more lively. CASE IN POINT:

This delightful footage I shot at 1:00 this morning.

My colleague in Williamsburg and Jake Mooney can talk up Greenpoint all they want. The previous is my reality. And I suspect over the summer it is only going to get worse.

Toodles!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Rock, Paper & Wha?!?

May 15, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Street Art 

stupid

From Green Street.

Miss Heather

Happy Mother’s Day From The Viridian!

May 10, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I do not qualify as a mother per se but as the keeper of five cats and husband I felt entitled to take the day easy. In fact, I did nothing whatsoever— and you know what? It felt good! My neighbors, conversely, were anything but layabouts. Wishing to make the most of today’s most opportune break from the recent onslaught of stormy weather they rolled out the barbecue grill, popped open a few brewskis and played a rousing round (or nine) of “toss the pylon”.

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Courtesy of Greenpoint’s good friend, Magic Johnson.

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The rules of the game seem simple enough: you toss pylons.

pylonsonthestreet

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In the street.

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On your neighbor’s sidewalk.

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And even at your neighbor’s window! Given Mr. Johnson’s interest in physical fitness I have little doubt he’ll be pleased as punch to know the neighborhood youths also joined in the fun.

youthswithpylon

What better gift could a child possibly give his mother on her special day than a memento of one of the most misguided developments in north Brooklyn? Arguably the only more fitting memorial I can think of would be a tee shirt:

Magic Johnson built a luxury condo and all I got was this lousy pylon.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: What Is Wrong With This Picture?

May 6, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

During his stay at Chez Shitty my father got to witness firsthand the hilarity that is life in Greenpoint. Upon arriving he beheld the barricaded glory that is 110 Green Street and, appropriately enough, shortly before he departed we got a few chuckles courtesy of the following.

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What is wrong with this picture? If you guessed the giant nondo to the left you are only half correct. If you look a little more closely you’ll notice…

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this traffic sign. Note the direction the of the cars parked on this block. Now note the orientation of this sign. Now factor in that Green is a one way street and you get the idea.

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For those of you who are not in the know there is a stop sign located on this block within eyeshot of the above-depicted sign.

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Unfortunately it is located in the opposite direction. Whoops. It just goes to show there is no job, however small, this city cannot manage to bungle. Given that our municipal guardians had a 50/50 chance of getting it right this is no small feat. Way to go guys.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Sweet Victory

May 2, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

After I won the hat contest this evening (at tbd and gave props to Pa Heather— who was present— and to whom I dedicated the bottle of Maker’s Mark I won while wearing this) I encountered this select piece of street seating in front of the Viridian on the way home.

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This one’s for you, Bob.*

Miss Heather

*You are gone— but not forgotten.

GOOD MORNING GREENPOINT!

April 18, 2009 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Greenpoint Magic 

viridian

Thanks to our local community board the salad days of finger buildings in Greenpoint are over. Or are they?

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As I was walking by 110 Green Street (AKA: The Viridian) something caught my eye.

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Hey, that’s not very nice! I wonder if the salespeople for this dump are aware of this?

pleasecall

Hmm… looks like they’re out to lunch.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Street Seat

April 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit Signage, Greenpoint Magic, Street Furniture 

greenstreettoiletseat

You can always leave it to 106 Green Street (which is located immediately next door to the Viridian) to keep things real in the Garden Spot. In the case of the above photograph we have a stand pipe which reads:

Asshole Pick up your Dog Shit

an assortment of detritus and a toilet seat that is a lot worse for wear.

Have a nice day!

Miss Heather

Reader Email of The Day: The Magic Is Dead…

February 19, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

…long live the magic!

viridiankitprof

As many of you by now are well aware, the above masterpiece of Darthchitecture, Greenpoint’s very own Versailles, has declared bankruptcy. I could (re)hash the manifold ways this turd was a very, VERY bad idea from the start, talk about the many times I and a number of fellow citizens have called 311 on these fine people, point out the shoddiness of its construction or recall for you the many pleasant greetings (READ: catcalls) I have received from the fine men who built this testament to progress. But I have done all these things already— and more. Instead let us, fellow Greenpointers, look to the future! K writes:

…I figure you know about this due to linking alerts for your blog but here we go… or there He went.

Magic’s magic is ummmm… bankrupt!?

Not to wish ill, but let us be reasonable about the reality of where we live and what it can (should?) house.

Maybe they’ll make a skate park for the youth in the drained pool… and turn the sauna into a Public Russian (Polish) Bath House?

I for one think the Polish bathhouse idea has legs. For starters it’ll give the chaps who shave their backs on the steps of St. Anthony’s a place where they can get a little privacy while exercising some much-needed personal hygiene. What do you think should be done with the Viridian? Convert it into a casino? High-end brothel? A Walmart, perhaps? Leave your suggestions in the comments!

Miss Heather

Photo Credit: Kitchen Prof

The Viridian Blooms!

January 4, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Those of you who have read this blog know I have no affection for this development. For reasons only known to him Magic Johnson decided to fund/put his face on this, The Viridian (a fancy word for green, as in Green Street, in Greenpoint and how much “green” are you willing to outlay? $400,000 for starters.), in the name of urban renewal.

Urban renewal suggests blight. When I first moved to this block 110-130 Green Street housed businesses: a bus depot and stone worker’s shop. I can’t honestly say I liked having buses coming and going all hours of the night past my apartment. I didn’t. On the other hand I knew this came with living in an “industrial” neighborhood and with such businesses come jobs and tax revenue. Then came the rezone and shortly thereafter the Viridian.

I never experienced blight until Magic and his funky bunch moved in. Green Street has never been pretty— but it got a helluva lot uglier after Magic razed one third of it. Graffiti, garbage— LOTS OF GARBAGE, junkies shooting up and nodding off (on his illegally parked construction equipment) is what I will always remember the Viridian for. A condominium complex purported to sport such luxe accommodations as a concierge, rooftop cabanas, virtual golf, etc. A testament to progress and and urban renewal.

As of January 3, 2009 here’s what I saw:

A contextually inappropriate, shoddily built and VERY UGLY pile of crap. Let’s have a virtual auction my fellow Greenpointers. How much would you pay to rent a 500 square foot apartment in this dump? I’ll start the bidding at $500. One dollar per square foot.

Miss Heather

The Viridian Gets Christened

December 12, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

In light of the recent spate of vandalism on this block (just a week ago one of my neighbors, a 50-something retired couple, had their car keyed rather viciously) I cannot honestly say this surprises me. As a matter of fact I am amazed it took someone this long to “modify” this edifice. While this act does little to beautify Green Street (which is looking damned rough of late) I do have to hand it to “acre” for having the chutzpah to leave his mark by the front door.

Miss Heather

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