Urban Artifact: Wish Fulfillment!

CBS screencapSo over the last week we have had:

1. Time Warner employee sex at the Newtown Creek Nature Walk.*

2. Some blue chip public urination at Graham Avenue’s B43 bus stop thrown in for good measure

3. Indecent exposure (as seen at left) on our very Crosstown Local.

Yes, gentle readers, I’d say things are hoppin’.  So much so I lament not seeing my share of the action. Obviously I have been not at the wrong place at the right time. I shared my disappointment with my public urination tipster. To wit, he/she replied:

Awwww Heather. I just know there’s an exposed penis out there for you too. And I bet when you see it, it’ll be the longest one of all. :)

Today it finally happened— in a manner of speaking. Thankfully it did not involve lewd public acts and I actually had the choice of looking— or not. Read on!

371 Stagg Street nys

Ever had the feeling you’re being watched? Today while strolling along Stagg Street I did.

Stagg Street Art Object nys

Sure enough I was right. So help me, but I can swear this fellow was beckoning me to come closer.

Big Head nys

So I did.

Pitching a tent nys

As you can see my new friend is, to use vulgar parlance, “pitching a tent”. Let’s go in!

Little Head nys

What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty! In form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an Angel! in apprehension HOW LIKE A GOD!

— William Shakespeare, emphasis mine— Ed. Note.

I can only imagine what the provenance of this item is. A remnant of some hitherto unknown bacchanalian Industrial Business Zone ritual, perhaps?

Heres looking at you kid nys

Here’s looking at you, kid…

Closing on a somewhat related note, your’s truly discovered and acquired a most fascinating product recently. I present without further ado, Peni Fresh!

The FRESHMAKER nys

soapActually I acquired a few bars— much to the amusement of the staff at said deli/grocery. One was a birthday present (said birthday boy was present), the others will be stocking stuffers. The holiday season will be upon us soon enough and let’s face facts: nothing says “Good will toward your fellow man” quite like telling them, however subtly, that they need to wash their tackle. I have yet to discern exactly what is meant by “TUTTI-FRUITTI” flavor. Methinks I’ll leave that task to Ralphie. Those of you who want to upgrade your mere dingus to a dicksicle, methinks I have found the product to make it happen. Cheers!

Peni Fresh: the Freshmaker!

*surveillance footage of which was requested by and is apparently making the rounds through the Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee!

New York Shitty Street Seating Du Jour: Reserved

September 12, 2014 ·
Filed under: 10027, Feral Furniture, Harlem, Harlem Manhattan, Street Furniture 

Reserved nys

Taken September 12, 2014.

New York Shitty Street Seating Du Jour: Huron Street

September 1, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Street Furniture 

Huron Street Labor Day nys

sideview

Taken September 1, 2014.

New York Shitty Street Seating Du Jour: Sultan

August 30, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Street Furniture 

Sultan nys

From Dobbin Street.

New York Shitty Feral Furniture Watch: Southside Selections

South 5th Street

South 5 street nys

South 5 Street Feral Sofa nys

It’s amazing how those illegal clothing drop off boxes seem to attract illegal dumping…

South 5 Street Sofa detritus NYS

in more ways than one. Trust me: this smelled worse than it looks (which is pretty darned bad).

“Havemeyer Park”

Havemeyer Park Recliner nys

Note the “teepee” in the background.  These were not indigenous to the region “back in the day”. There were no “buffalo” in New York. I suppose the gesture (raising awareness about Native Americans?) is a nice enough one— but why not do so in a geographically, historically relevant manner?

New York Shitty Feral Furniture Watch: Special Evel Knievel Edition

Sofa ramp nys

Ramp nys

Sofa Cum Skateramp NYS

Signs of recreation as discovered during today’s sojourn in parts Bushwick and beyond. Yours truly can only wonder if this will be next…

New York Shitty Street Seating Du Jour: Metropolitan Avenue

October 4, 2013 ·
Filed under: 11211, Street Furniture, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

Met Ave

sofawithfoodcart

Taken September 30, 2013.

New York Shitty Street Seating Du Jour: Tagged

September 17, 2013 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Street Furniture 

freemanstreet

From Freeman Street.

New York Shitty Feral Furniture Watch: Greenpoint Selections…

Huron Street

huron1

huron2

India Street

indiast

Java Street

chaise

 

(All taken August 21, 2013.)

Williamsburg Photos Du Jour: Trashed

met1

metave2

kentave

kent2

The feral cat colony on Metropolitan Avenue (which as some may recall was until fairly recently was located across the street at Monster Island) is no more.