New York Shitty Day Starter: Great Moments of Real Estate Hyperbole

March 5, 2012 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Wow, WTF 

(Or: The “Hart” of Greenpoint)

There is real estate insanity and then there is real estate insanity. This apartment, located at the immensely bucolic intersection of Green Street and Manhattan Avenue, has a manifold number of advertisements on Craigslist. But by far this one was the most imaginative (hence why I decided it merited mention). Nothing says “luxury” like a toilet ready, willing and able to do its duty¬† juxtaposed against a tropical paradise (which Greenpoint, my beloved home, is decidedly not). Citing the G train as an enticement is rather dubious as well. The previous having been written, here are the rest.

All these listings are purportedly¬† “by owner”. Damn.

P.S.: Lest any of you, dear readers, are wondering why I was looking at apartment advertisements on Craigslist in this draconian price bracket I’ll tell you. I had the pleasure of bumping into yet another group of people waiting to view “apartments” at 239 Banker Street this weekend! Here’s what one had to say afterward:

Hi Heather. Thanks, again, for the heads up on the shady business at Banker St. today. The apartment had very bad craftsmanship and the only elevator in the building was a scary freight elevator that had a sign stating it was unlawful for any person other than the operator to ride in the elevator…the guy renting out the spaces is named Saul (917-549-XXXX) and he’s got them listed multiple times on craigslist. We’re obviously going to pass on that building but we really loved the area. Do you have any tips/leads on finding an apartment around there? I’d appreciate any help you could offer!

I have tendered my advice to this (incredibly nice) person. If any of you, dear readers, have tips/advice as well please share them via comments or via email at missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com. This having been written, it would appear Saul’s advertisements regarding 239 Banker Street have since disappeared into the ether. No worries, I found this…

and this.

 

Crosstown Local Videos du Jour: Polemic

Last night yours truly and a pal attended a forum discussion hosted by the very talented Nathan Kensinger about street photography. Aside from the fact Union Docs was stifling, painfully hot it was an enjoyable evening. One which concluded on a provocative note via some “in flight” entertainment on the way home via the Crosstown Local courtesy of this guy.

As you will notice this chap has a pretty wide berth on the platform. This is because (and I suspect my fellow mass transit patrons will agree with me when I write this) he was— how should we say— a bit touched? His speech (inasmuch as I can ascertain) started with making light of Pearl Harbor:

five thousand miles away in 1941…

and eventually morphed into a random series of screeds about what is wrong with our country. Among other things. He continued his polemic on the train itself. Follows is one of the choicer excerpts for your Monday morning edification. Initially he directs his rancor to Hasidim but eventually (re)directs his attention back to the Japanese. Much to the discomfort of one subway-goer.

It should be noted that immediately prior to this screed our subterranean William F. Buckley spied yours truly filming him. To this he said:

Bitch, you’re taking pictures of a garbage can!

I was initially taken aback by this but quickly thought the better of it. Let’s employ a little logic here: which is worse being a bitch (a female dog) or a garbage can (a receptacle for waste products— and one in New York City at that)? This is a no brainer. In any case he resumed his soap boxing upon exiting the G train at India Street. “Polacks” and “Russkies” became his target as we headed north on Manhattan Avenue. That’s when it hit me: this gent and I are neighbors. I’m one lucky gal!

Miss Heather

 

LAST GASP: WTF

March 31, 2011 ·
Filed under: Culture War, Wow 

The above product was brought to my attention by a chap named Jan. In an email entitled “from the no, no NO STOP IT department”: he writes:

One of the guys in marketing at work received a package from this company today, and I couldn’t believe they make and sell this kind of stuff… I was drinking a lukewarm caffeinated beverage when I first saw this, and almost sprayed a manager’s laptop.

Oh, but they do! My questions are as follows: is there is a demand for this product and why?

Miss Heather

Spotted On Nostrand Avenue: For Sale

March 26, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11216, BAD ASS, Crown Heights, Crown Heights Brooklyn, Wow 

It should be noted there was another work directly to the left of this one. It was graced with an admonition and read as follows:

NOTICE TO PUBLIC
PLEASE DO NOT CONCLUDE AN OPINION ON THE MURALS HEREUNDER,
UNTIL YOU HAVE OBSERVED ALL THE MURALS IN “MOM’S LIVING ROOM” DOWNSTAIRS IN THE THEATER.

Sadly this store front is shuttered. I really would have liked to see more!

Miss Heather

 

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