More Fun At 184 Eagle Street

May 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

184eaglethumbLast holiday weekend I realized how much I needed a vacation. To this end my day trip to the Bronx was just the thing to jolt me from my rut and get me out having a good time. This afternoon, however, it has been brought to my attention that if I’m looking for a swinging time I do not leave the borough. Hell, I need not leave Greenpoint for that I matter: I just need to saunter down to 184 Eagle Street. Anonymous writes:

Dear Miss Heather,

I am very sad to say that I also live at the now ramshackle shanty condo located at 184 Eagle Street… Similarly to the last resident who dropped you a note, I’ve come across some unsavory characters wandering around in, and trying to follow me into the building. After I shut the door before the last bunch could get in, the guy started yelling at me through the glass and randomly dialing numbers on the call box. I don’t feel safe here at all anymore. Indeed, it simply isn’t.

The building is a sinking ship and literally every resident (yes, we are the fleeing rats) with whom I’ve spoken has moved out or is going to very soon. The travesty, though not surprising, is that the owner is showing apartments to potential renters despite not having a certificate of occupancy. Me thinks this might be illegal, no?

I cannot wait to get out of this shit hole.

If anyone reading this is a resident of this “shit hole” I implore you to take photographs and/or shoot video footage and send them to me at:

missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com

I would very much like to post them.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: The #1 Ugliest Building In Queens?

May 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens 

Remember that phlegm-colored condominium a bong’s toss from the Pulaski Bridge in Long Island City called the L Haus? Well, I almost forgot about it. Thankfully we have Autumn Sol to thank for reminding us that this nondo-in-the-making received a very dubious distinction this morning.

lhaus01

She writes:

I know this is LIC, but is so, so close to GPT.

Place: Lhaus, 11-02 49th Ave., LIC
Time: 9:00 am, Thur, May 28th

lhaus02

They even rolled out the scab-busting rat. Good times!

Miss Heather

Photo Credits: Autumn Sol

Williamspoint Photo Du Jour: Don’t U Want Me Baby?

May 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

gud

This bit of Greenpoint “gudness” hails from Leonard Street.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo Du Jour: Arizona

May 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

arizona

From Flushing Avenue.

Miss Heather

Calling All Disgruntled North Brooklyn Renters!

May 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

rentalhellYour golden silver parachute has come! Jenny wrote:

I’m trying to forward you a cool email that I got from the Working Families party about a video contest to tell stories of “renters’ hell,” but it keeps being labeled “spam.” Any workaround?

We worked it out and here’s the deal. Per the Working Families Party website:

We’re holding our first ever video contest, where you have a chance to win a month’s free rent just by telling your rental hell story on camera. You’ll also be raising awareness about an important issue that affects millions of New Yorkers: the need for stronger rent laws.

Everyone who has ever rented has a story: rent increases, broken heating and cold showers, new owners trying to break your lease, that one bedroom next door rented to four budget conscious students, or waking up to discover that you(r) building is turning into an illegal hotel.

We know it was awful, and we’re sorry. But guess what? There could be a silver-lining! The Working Families Party is teaming up with millions of renters across New York City for the first ever video contest highlighting Rental Hell.

Entering the contest is easy:

1. Tell your story on camera.
2. Upload it to Youtube and tag it with “Rental Hell”.
3. Fill out our entry form.

What’s more, you can win one month’s free rent up to $1,999— or whatever your monthly rent is! Be advised your video must be between 30 seconds and five minutes. You can peruse the complete rules and regulations for this contest by clicking here. The deadline is June 6th— so start grousing!

To close on a distinctly Greenpoint note, I would strongly advise anyone who resided at 156 India Street (or resided at 95 Clay Street for that matter) to enter this contest.

Miss Heather

A Modest Proposal

May 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

flierthumbYesterday my buddy down at Brooklyn11211 wrote (in regards to this post):

Heather found these fliers posted on a telephone pole on Dupont Street. The flyer is right – these zoning changes should have happened three to four years ago. But since there are still a lot of horses in the barn, better than never closing the barn door now.

What my friend down south fails to mention is the reason for this “new” zoning: to redress the abuse and excesses of the now infamous 2005 re-zoning. Had the previous been better thought out, more appreciative of community input and “loop-hole” proof there would be no proverbial “barn door” left open to close. The previous having been written my opinion about the new “down-zone” is as follows:

Too little, too late.

Nonetheless I have little doubt it will be passed. The shoddy economy has done its part to slow— if not halt— the construction of super-sized luxuriana in Greenpoint for the time being. This measure is nothing more than a convenient rubber stamp that attests to what the market has already made all too clear: there are too many “developments” in north Brooklyn no one can (or cares to) afford. What’s more, nowadays the developers can’t afford them either.

  1. 110 Green (AKA: The Viridian) has declared bankruptcy and has been put on the market for— get this— $65,000,000!
  2. The Pencil Lofts recently halted work because the developer, one Baruch Singer of slumlord fame, defaulted on the loan.
  3. And now we have Warehouse 11. Built atop what my good friend Bob Guskind called the “Roebling Oil Field” this super-sized development defaulted on its mortgage and is now in the process of foreclosure.

Call me cynical, but given:

  1. The implications of the new zoning measure and
  2. the substantial number of vacant lots and half-built “nondos” in Greenpoint

I cannot help but ask the question:

What about 200 Franklin Street?

200franklinstreet52709

Will it become a nondo or be lanced by rezoning? Only time will tell. Either way it will probably look worse than its designer, Greenpoint’s good friend Karl Fischer, ever imagined. Taking into account that the original design looks something like a cross between an ionic air purifier and a butt plug that’s pretty damned ugly! All I ask— as a humble citizen— is this: if we have to live with an architectural behemoth sorely out of context with its surroundings could it at least be interesting?

Which brings me back community input— and my modest (and admittedly haphazardly Photoshopped) proposal for 200 Franklin Street: cap it and tap it.

200franklinpagoda

To give credit where credit is due Mister Heather got the ball rolling on this one. He suggested a pagoda be placed atop the existing structure at 200 Franklin Street. I told him it was the best idea he ever had. While flattered, the Mister was slightly disturbed at the thought that I thought this was the best idea he ever had. But it is! Just use your imagination.

Instead of retail space and luxury condos— of which Greenpoint has too many already— why not have mixed use hepa filter/Buddhist Monastery? By exploiting the various and sundry petroleum products under our own feet we could fuel an air freshener like no other. Toss in a few monks chanting, some sandalwood burning and Greenpoint will smell good in no time! Not only will we clean our air, but we’ll also cleanse our karma. Fuck 421a, this is the ultimate added value!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Existentialism, East Williamsburg Style

May 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

no-exit

Jean-Paul Sartre a la Meserole Street.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Contrast

May 27, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

contrast

From Norman Avenue.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Old Meets New

May 27, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

650manhattanave

As rents continue to be prohibitively out-of-reach for small businesses we can anticipate more and more chain stores and franchises gracing Manhattan Avenue. Like this new Subway slated for 650 Manhattan Avenue. My advice: if you want a sandwich go to Boneshakers, The God Bless Deli or the Franklin Corner Store. They’re well worth it.

Miss Heather

Presenting “The McCarren Park”

May 27, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

One thing Mr. Heather has really been getting into of late is the art of mixology. I suspect it appeals to his meticulous nature. What’s more, if the past two months of being the Mister’s guinea pig are any indication I’d go so far as to say he is well on his way to becoming a true cocktailian. His take on Singapore Slings, Martinis and Manhattans have all been tested on yours truly. I cannot honestly say I cared much for any of them.* Give me tonic water and decent bottle of gin and I am content. I like to keep things simple.

I mention the previous because I have been racking my brain to come up with a cocktail honoring the glory that is the Garden Spot of the Universe. The “Greenpoint”, “Greenpoint Oil Spill” and “Newtown Creek” are all eagerly waiting manifestation from someone’s creative ether. Unfortunately I am not that someone: I possess neither the expertise nor wherewithal to make this happen.

Luckily as I was walking down Lorimer Street this afternoon I spied a concoction which I have dubbed “The McCarren Park”. Not only are its ingredients easily found in many of our local stores but it is also very easy to make! You can create your own McCarren Park by following these simple steps:

vodkaandgatorade

1. Get one bottle of Sobieski vodka.
2. Add one bottle of Gatorade (fruit punch is featured in the above photograph but feel free to use your imagination)
3. Drink the previous until you pass out.

naptime

4. Wake up.
5. Repeat steps #1 – #5

Miss Heather

*Okay, I have to confess: I like Aviations.