How To Get Totally ****ed In Greenpoint— Dirt Cheap

November 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

The one thing a neophyte Greenpoint will (or should) pick up on very early is the fact the local Polish community is very socially conservative. The above flier (which hails from Manhattan Avenue at Eagle Street) is one of many of its ilk that graces the construction fences, fire alarm boxes and light poles of our fair burgh. Given its missive it is hardly surprising that a number of pharmacies located in the Garden Spot of the Universe also refuse to carry Plan B. Don’t believe me? Go to the one located on the northeast corner of Nassau Avenue and Leonard Street and see for yourself; they have signs prominenetly featured in all their windows.

Or better yet, skip them and go to this establishment across the street. It is much more interesting. Yesterday I patronized “Murawski Pharmacy” looking for “quirky” Polish items to send as Christmas presents. When I entered a gaggle of what can best be described as Polish soccer moms were poised around a stroller watching one of number’s crotchling play with a balloon. Even I had to admit: it was cute. Then I walked past them and came face to face with this.

The gallon of Poland Spring water at the bottom left should help you establish some sense of “Tiny’s” scale: roughly the size of my forearm. I was bemused by the fact this device seems to be operated by a hand crank. But I guess at a paltry asking price of $17.99 the user should expect some measure of do-it-yourselfing.

I wonder how many of these they have sold?

Miss Heather

Reader Submission du Jour: “Madman On Bedford”

November 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Some of you can imagine my amusement when I discovered the above item Monday on The Gowanus Lounge. Having personally made the acquaintance of said “madman” recently and noticing that he is rapidly becoming quite the YouTube celebrity I was surprised to learn that some folks on Brooklynian are curious to know more about the man with the scraggly hair and ill-fitting Dockers. manic_depressive writes:

I hope this “preacher” gets a good beatdown some day. Religious nuts are a pain to deal with.

I have seen many a religious nut in my day. Trust me, m_d this man is not one of them. He operates on an entirely different level. Ywap shares my assessment:

I agree that religious nuts are pain, but this old boy’s no evangelical. He’s mostly harmless.

I’m just wondering if he’s been doing this for a long time, or if it’s something he started after the area became so popular.

This, dear readers, is an excellent question. One which I do not have the answer to. However I learned yesterday this chap is famous enough to merit being Halloween character on Bedford Avenue.

Alf writes:

First off, I am a long time fan of New York Shitty. (THANKS! — Ed. Note) I just read one of your articles, “Crazy Guy at GreenMarket“  when my jaw almost dropped.  We have been seeing this guy around for years he has a very interesting back story, or at least one we created for him.  We call him “The Mystic.”   His many rants are a portal into future happenings.  (Actually they are just non-nonsensical tirades but we like to give them some meaning.)  My friends and I do a lot of people watching in the neighborhood and The Mystic is part of a larger group we like to call “The Wack Pack.”  There are several ” eccentric characters” that are always around the hood just being crazy and we have nick names and stories for them all.  Anyway back to the point,  we are such a fan of The Mystic’s rants that my friend James actually dressed up as him for Halloween.

Thanks for sharing this choice bit of Halloweeniana, Alf. And for the record, this “madman” has been spired in Greenpoint as well. I will close this post with my favorite sighting as recounted by a New York Shitty commenter, dbcn:

He was at the Associated on Calyer & Meserole yesterday speaking about sperm and eggs and how the sperm fertilize the ova. The checkout girls were not happy.

Miss Heather

A Very Greenpoint Salute To Our Next President

November 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

(Or Obama, Motherf**ker!)

The following pretty much speaks for itself.

Congratulations Barack Obama! As you can see (or HEAR) a couple of (very vocal) fellow North Brooklynites and a bus driver were very happy to learn you’ll be our next President. We have hope, Barack, hence why we voted for you. We want change. Please don’t disappoint us.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Your wife Michelle will make a BADASS first lady!

P.S. #2: Contrary to what McCain’s concession speech said what happened November 4th was not simply a milestone for “African-Americans”. It was a victory for anyone who has ever been judged for what they are, not who they are.

Election Day Photos du Jour: North Brooklyn Style

November 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

I am going to round off today’s selections here on New York Shitty (so I can sit transfixed in front of the computer and hit the “refresh button” on CNN every five minutes like the rest of you!) with a sampling of election-related goodness from in and around the Garden Spot of the Universe. Enjoy!

Milton Street

Although this is not election-related per se, I felt the sentiment was worth passing along.

Berry Street

I have no friggin’ idea what this is about.

Kent Avenue

This one requires no explanation.

South 5th Street

The tinsel is a nice touch.

Grand Street

Calyer Street

Some of you might recognize this residence. They experienced a wanton act of caulk theft last year.

Java Street

As Newton’s Third Law states:

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Franklin Street

Mr. Clinton sure gets around doesn’t he?

Red building, blue state.

And this, dear readers, rounds out today’s postage. For now anyway.

Miss Heather

An Antiques Shop Cometh To Greenpoint

November 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Since I had a lot of time to burn this morning I decided to swing by 19 Greenpoint Avenue and see how things are going. Although there is no signage to indicate as such this storefront is going to be an antique shop. It is co-owned by a nice lady named Maya who was kind enough to let me take a peek inside.

She was rather embarrassed by the state on the interior (I fail to see why, it looks better than my apartment on a “good day”) so I refrained from taking photographs in accordance to her wishes. I could not, however, abstain from taking a few pix of the lovely backyard. She plans on hosting events back here. It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why: it’s a great space!

I was enamoured of the ivy gracing this pole so I shot a picture of it.

When will her shop open, you ask? Well that depends. She is still awaiting an inspection by the Department of Buildings and needs to change the Certificate of Occupany on the first floor from residential to commericial. Given how efficient the previously-mentioned agency is I wish her godspeed…

and very, very good luck

Le Grenier
19 Greenpoint Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Opening Date: t.b.a. (before Christmas)

Miss Heather

Boobification Photos du Jour: Election Day Special

November 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

As some of you might have noticed, today I got up at some ungodly hour (7:11 a.m.) so I could get to our polling station bright and early. The upshot of doing so was that I got in and out very quickly. The down shot was I was wide awake and had time on my hands. A. LOT. OF. TIME. After some thought I decided this was the perfect day to dust off my rack and while away some time with a little boobifying. Follows are the results. Enjoy!

American Playground, Greenpoint

I like to call this one “Swing Tits”. I have little doubt that if I had pulled this off in Park Slope or the Carroll Street Playground I would probably be in jail right now.

Berry Street, Williamsburg

While I am on the subject of children, has anyone noticed how damned many kids there are in Williamsburg nowadays. Seriously, it’s an epidemic or something. I say this because I had to glare at one fresh-faced young ‘un (her mother was on a cell phone) until she deduced I did not want her hanging around while I did this. NOTE TO PARENTS: you do not want me to raise your child for you. Watch your damned kids, already!

Wythe Avenue, Williamsburg

TITS AHOY!

Nobody touches my Lucky Charms!

North 1st Street, Williamsburg

An interesting exchange came to pass between yours truly and a nearby construction worker over this one.

That’s not very nice.

He said. To wit I turned around, smiled and replied:

“Nice” doesn’t have a damned thing to do with it.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photos du Jour: November 4, 2008

November 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Eagle Street.

Miss Heather

P.S.: It was still hopping at 9:30 a.m.!

And as of 1:30 p.m. the polling place over at P.S. 34 had a fifteen-twenty foot long line —which believe it or not— is a big, BIG improvement over how it looked earlier!

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Today Is The Day

November 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From Wythe Avenue.

Miss Heather

THIS WEEKEND: A Very Special Soup For The Soul

November 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Yesterday at 4:45 in the afternoon I was surprised to hear Mr. Heather shuffling through the front door.

Got off early?

I asked. To wit he replied:

No, I threw up at work… and at 23rd – Ely Avenue.

After gently chiding the Mister for not throwing up at the proper place (that being the G train) I did what had to be done; I walked across the street and purchased some ramen noodle soup. Someone (Mark Twain or possibly George Orwell) once spoke of masturbation as being a friend to the lonely and a solace to the poor —or something to that effect. I believe the same thing can be said about ramen soup: it is not only affordable to just about anyone, but every person has his or her formula for success. In the case of last night’s fare at Chez Shitty (as depicted at above left) that would be lime, culantro, red onion, cumin and asefoetida. Which brings me to this.

This Sunday, November 9, 2008 The Brooklyn Kitchen* will be hosting a Ramen-Off at Union Pool! The rules for this event appear to still be evolving, so be sure to check out their WordPress blog for more details. Be sure to participating in the “Ramen Index” while you’re there!

Brooklyn Kitchen Second Birthday Celebration/Ramen-Off
November 9, 2008, 7:00 p.m.
Union Pool
484 Union Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11211

Bon Apetit!

Miss Heather

*Through whom I discovered the above hilarious ramen-knitting video on You Tube!

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Larry The Lighthouse

November 3, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

This image of who (what?) was possibly my favorite marathoner comes courtesy of mugsniffer. What else can I honestly say other than this had to have been more than a wee bit uncomfortable. Yikes!

Miss Heather