LOOKIN’ GOOD GREENPOINT!

December 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Not only were our very own Shit Tits given a nod by New York Magazine* as being one of the finest examples of new architecture/design in the entire city, but our fair burgh will also be the subject matter of WNYC’s** Christmas card this holiday season! How do I know this, you ask? Very simple. They sent me an email telling me so:

Congratulations – we have selected your photo to be on the holiday card this year.

We’ll send you some of them when they are printed.

A pretty spiffy shot if I say so myself! Although to be perfectly frank I would have gone with this.

Miss Heather

*Who failed to mention one of the very finest aspects of our “girls”: when it is misty at night (as it will probably be this evening) the sky above them glows blue!

**Whose first transmitter was located here, by the way. Go to the end of Greenpoint Avenue and see for yourself!

Brooklyn Back In The Day: Where Is It?

December 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn 

Those of you who have a eye for detail will find this one to be a slam dunk. Otherwise if you need a hint (or simply want to see a beautiful Brooklyn family from yesteryear) you can click here.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Video Du Jour: Midtown West

December 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Manhattan 

Last weekend I had the pleasure of schlepping to the Port Authority (Leisure Time Bowl) for a birthday celebration. Well, I can’t honestly say it was much of a pleasure. I detest this part of New York City. Why is this so, you ask? There are too many reasons list here but for starters:

1. It sports some of the worst architecture to be found in the entire city. The Port Authority for one is absolutely HIDEOUS. As negotiated my way through its bowels on the way to Leisure Time Bowl I spied notices admonishing me against taking photographs. I suppose this has something to do with the war on terror. Presuming I was a terrorist for a moment why would I trifle with this building? If I truly wanted to make people suffer I would leave it standing.

2. The only thing possibly worse than the architecture of the Port Authority are the people who hang out there. Want to know what caliber of person considers kicking it the Port Authority to be a splendid way to while away a Saturday night? Watch this.

*shudder*

Miss Heather

Photo Credit: Ashley Ide. If this image tickles your fancy (as it did mine) you will be delighted to know it will soon be gracing Christmas cards! For more information about prices and availability contact Ashley.

Salvation For Rent— Willing To Divide

December 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Jay (the tipster who brought this morsel of Craigslist goodness to my attention) writes:

Since when is Greenpoint “the safest neighborhood in New York”? Isn’t this a few blocks away from Club Exit? 4! minutes. not 5 to the midtown tunnel. If it was 5 I’d have to reconsider. very high ceilings – no shit. it’s a CHURCH.

I’ll take it, but only if I get to fedderize it.

Don’t believe that our very own St. Elias has been banished to the real estate limbo that is Craigslist? Click on the above screencap or go to craigslist and see for yourself. Sorry scenesters, no dance clubs allowed.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Only $400,000? Where do I sign?

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: The Mooninite House

December 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I have a confession to make: I love this house. It looks like it is grimacing. And when you take into account this domicile has to stand watch over the BQE and Meeker Avenue day after day I can’t really say I blame it!

Miss Heather

P.S.: Those of you who are wondering what a “Mooninite” is should point and click your way over here.

Photo Credit: Victoria Belanger

Reader Question Of The Day

December 9, 2008 ·
Filed under: Boobification, Manhattan 

Questions are always welcome here at New York Shitty. Feel free to leave them in my comments or send ‘em via email at missheather at newyorkshitty dot com. All I ask in return is to please be patient and civil. Sometimes finding/word-smithing a decent answer takes time. Otherwise I occasionally get my fill of the Interwebs (or my offline life interferes) and I need to take a break. The previous having been said I was recently queried about “my girls” (as seen above cavorting with a few balls at Leisure Time Bowl).

Jaxjags08 writes (in regards to this post):

Glad to see the boobs are back! I missed them so much! Good question about where DO you keep these things stashed?

toremember approached me with a similar query. It was follows:

how do you travel with these babies? do you keep them stashed in a bag or do you let them get some air?

This is an excellent question. Listen up dear readers because I am only going to answer this question once. HERE AND NOW.

Toting around an additional pair of “snack trays” did present yours truly with a challenge. After all, my “natural set” are affixed to my person. They are also more than happy to go “free range” or be contained in the expansive environment of an American Apparel baby rib bikini bra size XS.

Go ahead and call me a hipster. They’re cheap, they’re comfortable and best of all they’re 100% cotton. What’s more, under wires were made for a certain type of person. At a whopping “aa” cup I am not that person. If I so much as sneeze I can assure you such a contraption would poke my eyes out. But back to the holder of my other boulders.

I tried a number of means of carrying them. A plastic grocery bag proved to be too transparent. My backpack was a bit stifling (wrinkled tits, I think NOT!). I had two big learning curves ahead of me. Trial and experimented I did. Over and over. Then the obvious solution came to me. And true boobification prevailed.

A BRA: DUH!

Brassieres for against Bolshevism!

Miss Heather

‘Tis The Season: The King

December 9, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From India Street.

Miss Heather

Thought Of The Day

December 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

If the purpose of this campaign is to entice the reader with a $10 rebate after spending $100 on rapid transit, why is the man gracing said advert riding in a cab? Just a thought.

Miss Heather

P.S.: This post goes out to Dale for bringing this discrepancy to my attention.

From My Friend Crappy

December 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Queens, Williamsburg 

One subject of conversation at the junk shop I am rapidly tiring of is the subject of female drivers. Larry da Junkman and Steve are of the impression north Brooklyn’s women drivers are among the worst to be found anywhere. I, being the good little feminist I am, emphatically disagree: all north Brooklyn drivers, regardless of gender, are pretty damned bad. On any given day —at the bat of an eyelash —a pedestrian’s or G train commuter’s life crossing a street can become an outtake from Death Race 2000. I myself have beheld the result of the Greenpoint driver. It isn’t pretty. But back to gender politics and an item my buddy over at Queens Crap recently brought to my attention.

If women drivers are so bad here why are both the motorists who have managed to drive into Newtown Creek male. Yes, I just said “both”. It happened again last month folks, but this time the driver was able to walked/swam away from the incident. Literally. On November 27, 2008 Times News Daily writes:

Police said that 21-year-old Brian Espinal of South Third Street in Williamsburg was taken into custody on reckless endangerment charges after he returned to the scene of the accident while emergency personnel scoured the creek for possible victims.

Authorities later determined that Espinal was alone inside his vehicle at the time of the accident.

Law enforcement sources said the accident occurred at around 6:40 a.m. Sunday morning along Metropolitan Avenue near Scott Avenue.

Reportedly, Espinal was behind the wheel of a 1997 Toyota Camry traveling eastbound along Metropolitan Avenue.

According to information obtained by police, the suspect was observed allegedly traveling at a high rate of speed, crossing over the double-yellow line and dodging oncoming traffic.

Moments later, law enforcement sources said, the suspect’s vehicle lost control and crashed into the guardrail before splashing into the Newtown Creek.

Following the crash, police noted, the suspect exited his vehicle, waded back to the shore and made his way back onto the avenue on foot. Reportedly, he hailed a livery cab traveling on Metropolitan Avenue and fled from the scene…

You can read the story in its entirely by clicking here. Otherwise I would like to close with a couple thoughts:

  1. Can you imagine how bad that livery cab must have smelled after having Mr. Espinal as a fare?
  2. Are there any daring women out there who would like to  (wo)man a four-wheel U-boat on a one-way journey into Newtown Creek in the the interest of gender equality?* If so you better get cracking: there’s only three weeks left of 2008!

Miss Heather

*This is satire.

Photo Credit: Times News Daily.

Art At Alphabeta

December 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Street Art 

I have been incredibly remiss in writing this post. I had planned to do so this weekend but life (a birthday party, losing my cell phone and antics of the feline kind) intervened. At long last, here it goes.

Jason Maas (the creator of the above mural) writes:

I am a williamsburg artist (just moved from greenpoint a few months ago) who just recently began doing murals on the streets, doing my best to keep the “art” in “street art.” I recently painted a mural at Alphabeta… (I’ve attached the a pic of the mural, 20’x20′ house paint and spray paint)… The concept behind these paintings is that these are the colors I see when I close my eyes, all the paintings are photos of friends, so the idea is that I look at a photograph and close my eyes and this is what i see.. kind of like conceptualized nostalgia.

Unfortunately by the time I finally made it Alphabeta to see Jason’s work in situ (Alphabeta’s courtyard) they had already commenced covering it up with another mural. However, you can see more of his work at his web site. Do give it a look-see, some of it is quite lovely. The previous having been said I did not walk away disappointed; there was plenty of other nifty artwork for the delectation.

This bald eagle tickled my fancy.

My friend across the creek will be interested to know the above-depicted gentleman is a big, big fan of his blog.

But without argument the most stunning work to be found was in the gallery. The show was entitled “La Santa Lucha” by an artist whose nom de plume is “El Hose”.

Simply put “La Santa Lucha” is a mixed media installation featuring approximately twenty images of saints. But the individual works of art are anything but simple.

El Hose’s work is absolutely beautiful —albeit in a grotesque way. But given the subject matter he is working with (the lives of the saints are hardly Walt Disney material after all) the style is completely appropriate. I would strongly recommend that you, dear readers, swing by and see this show in person. Photography does not do this work justice.

La Santa Lucha
Alphabeta
60 Greenpoint Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

UPDATE 12/10/08: This show has been taken down. :(