Spotted On Kingsland Avenue: Ingenuity

When I saw this parked in front of Boneshakers today I simply had to pass it along here. Genius. Sheer genius.

Miss Heather

LAST GASP: Going Downtown

I imagine many of you went to the Brooklyn Bridge or further afield to watch the fireworks this evening. Yours truly did not. My goal for this weekend was (and still is) to get a little rest and relaxation. So instead of braving the crowds the Mister and I donned our nattiest apparel (as you can see at left) and headed to the Lower East Side. As it would happen a good friend of ours, Rachael, was slated to bar tend there this evening. Catching up with a good friend is nice. Doing so over free drinks, well, that’s a deal only an idiot would refuse. But I digress.

Although we had not planned on seeing any fireworks this evening we did: albeit not of the variety one usually associates with this, our nation’s birthday. The event of which I speak came to pass at the intersection of Allen and Houston Street. The players in this morality tale are a New York City bus driver and a woman driving a SUV. Sports Utility Vehicle. Before I proceed to today’s short film I want to make it known:

1. Over the years I have come to detest automobiles. This is in some part due to the fact I was hit by one three days before I got married.
2. I harbor an especially dark hatred of SUVS. My reasons for this are many but to name a few:

a. They are colossal gas guzzlers and as such as not only wasting a very limited (and therefore valuable) resource but in so doing they are giving money to countries whose take on “human rights” is abysmal— especially in regards to woman— and harbor individuals who would like to see our country wiped off the face of the earth. This is being anything but patriotic.
b. British Petroleum. Enough said.
c. On a more practical and less ideological level; the people who drive such vehicles in New York City are among the worst drivers I have ever seen. Period. In fact, I have developed a theory about them. It goes as follows:

The larger the vehicle, the more stupid and/or assholic the driver.

Suffice it to say today my little theory got some pretty compelling supporting evidence. Without further ado here it is: a MTA bus driver versus a woman in a SUV. I think it goes without saying who won this heavyweight bout. Added bonus: when the woman (who the bus driver refers to as a “fucking genius”) finally gets the point the dude wearing an i-Pod— who seems to obvious the street theater going on in his midst— almost walks in front of her. Nice.

Miss Heather to the MTA: give this man a raise!

Miss Heather

Something Neat!

(Or: Miss Heather Gets A Present)

Last night I swung by Dan Witz’s book signing at Spoonbill & Sugartown and at long last got to meet a Flickr “friend” of mine in person: an incredibly talented chap named Drew.

And he came bearing gifts! For those of you who are wondering, the furkid depicted in these lovely paintings is none other than Jerzy! I showed them to him.

He did not seem terribly impressed.

Then again I was reminded this morning that Jerzy has, how shall we say, a rather discerning palate.

I can’t honestly say wadded up tissues, hair and used Q-Tips are my cup of tea— but to each their own. Here’s a slide show of Drew’s other work: a series of “Pickle Houses”. Enjoy!

Thanks again, Drew. The Mister and I love your thoughtful gift— even if it’s “subject” doesn’t!

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photos Du Jour: She’s A Knockout

June 27, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11206, 11221, BAD ASS, Bushwick, Bushwick Brooklyn 

As some of you are probably aware today was the day that Forgotten New York’s Bushwick tour came to pass. Yours truly attended. I had a lot of fun watching Kevin do what he does best! Follows is something that, while not on the itinerary, merits scrutiny. It is in my humble opinion one of the best rides in north Brooklyn— and possibly the entire city. This is saying quite a lot given the automobile in question is a Toyota Corolla. Words cannot describe it. Thankfully I had my camera on me. Coming at you from Menahan Street in living color— and without further ado— here it is.

Yes, those are little boxing gloves concealing this woman’s nipples.

I will be uploading photos from today’s sojourn this evening so stay tuned!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Represents!

June 26, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11215, 11222, BAD ASS, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

As you are reading this post the Second Annual Jello-O Mold Competition is coming to pass— where a very special entry, I understand, will be unveiled! Something so sublime its creator, Victoria, swore me to secrecy until the date and time of this competition. She writes:
Hi Heather,

The photos are attached. The competition is not till Saturday evening so please don’t post these until then. You can’t see them in these photos, but the model includes little LED lights that light up the jello eggs from behind. Its meant to look like the digester eggs lit blue at night.

I have done my best to “keep calm and wobble on” with the secret I have been entrusted to keep. But I have to be honest: it’s been damned hard. I have not even allowed the Mister to see what I am about to show you, dear readers. Here it is: a gelatinous tribute to Greenpoint’s most interesting— and curiously beloved— landmark. Yes, I am talking about none other than “The Shit Tits”.

Once I recovered from my initial fit of ecstasy at this, part of our poop plant rendered in foodstuffs, I voiced concerns that the people attending and judging this competition would not understand what has been placed in front of them. No worries, Victoria has that covered! She writes:

I did write my own little essay on why the Shit Tits are so awesome and printed out a little montage of photos of the real deal so people can see for themselves and fully appreciate my jello genius.

I will openly admit that I am more than a little biased here. But— and this is a big but— if the judges of this competition cannot appreciate the sheer genius of this (and give it the award it so richly deserves) then I don’t need them. As far as I (and I suspect a great many other Greenpointers) am concerned these bad boys are a winner. Tits down.

Miss Heather

UPDATE, June 28, 2010: I have been advised that this masterpiece did not get the grand prize. That went to some concoction involving the virgin Mary. Clearly these people have no taste.

Happy Puerto Rican Day From New York Shitty!

June 13, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, BAD ASS, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Okay. For over a week I have been fretting about how I would give a nod to my many Boriquen friends and neighbors in the Garden Spot. Then I met these guys on Manhattan Avenue yesterday afternoon.

I explained to the gentleman on the far right that I loved their bikes and wanted to take a picture of them to commemorate Puerto Rican Day on my web site. He, in turn, explained this to his colleagues.

They were all smiles.

Happy Puerto Rican Day New York City!

Miss Heather

Word Of The Day: Ingenuity

February 28, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Advanced Life Forms, BAD ASS, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

Although I have featured this ride earlier this month I couldn’t resist passing along a few shots of its latest incarnation.

The freecycled windshield (which the Mister has told me is the back of an old iMac) is an inspired touch!

Miss Heather

Reader Tip Du Jour: Three Kings

(OR: King of Kings, King of Beers & King’s County)

Jay Lombard (of Dog Habitat) writes:

189 green St. Fire escape. Check out the aluminum tree. Gives new meaning to Christmas cheer.

Needless to say I had to investigate this matter immediately. Here’s what I found.

kingofkings

I realize the above image is a bit lacking in terms of quality so I will describe it to you. It is a Christmas tree lovingly erected in the honor of the King of Kings. It is constructed of 12 ounce cans of Budweiser (the King of Beers)  and topped with a bow. It is located at 189 Green Street; Greenpoint, Brooklyn U.S.A.: the County of Kings!  As a very kindly chap across the street noted as I was taking the above photographs:

Pretty cool, eh? She even taped it so it would not fall over!

An opus as this deserves recognition. I don’t care if Christmas is last week’s news. This is Greenpoint Glory at its very finest!

189 Green Street, I salute you!*

Miss Heather

*Chez Shitty is a Budweiser and Miller High Life household. Brooklyn Beer does not inhabit our fridge. The reasons for this are numerous, but I’ll tender two:

  1. The political leanings of Brooklyn Brewery’s owner, Steve Hindy. This gent is decidedly pro-Atlantic Yards.
  2. Most of “Brooklyn Beer” is not made in Brooklyn. It is made in Utica.

Mostly the first point.

Best Neighborhood Blog?!?

October 21, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, BAD ASS 

VVscreencap

When I saw the incoming link for this on the back end of my blog, I clicked it. Then I proceeded to stare at it in disbelief. Once I figured out this was, in fact, for real I proceeded to rock out to Metallica until the wee hours of the morning. Much to the Mister’s dismay and extreme annoyance.

I suppose such an honor deserves a speech. I’ll spare you that, dear readers. But I want to thank each and every one of you for reading New York Shitty, giving me tips, feedback and, on occasion, much-needed encouragement. The Village Voice‘s props belong to you too!

Now if you don’t mind I’m off to the brand-spanking new Taco Bell on McGuinness Boulevard to get an order of celebratory nachos. It’s a red letter day in Greenpoint!

Miss Heather

Williamspoint Photos Du Jour: Wheels

caddy2

caddy

caddy3

caddy4

Clay Street

ALIVE

Freeman Street

hippy

hippy2

hippy3

Green Street

bankerst

Banker Street

naptime

North 15 Street

Miss Heather

P.S.: Some of you might have noticed that a new “category” graces this post. It is called “BAD ASS” and is inspired by the Cadillac-cum-date rape of my senses and sensibilities which graces the beginning of this post.

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