When Bad Things Happen To Good Buildings: Greene Avenue

February 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Bed-Stuy 

As I mentioned in this post, the Mr. and I checked out Bed-Stuy yesterday. Cameras in hand we documented the best and worst this underrated neighborhood has to offer. I will leave it to your god-given intelligence, dear readers, as to which of the two above categories the following belongs.

883A Greene Avenue

I don’t have the benefit of knowing what this house looked like in its former incarnation, but I suspect its unfortunate neighbor is a pretty good indication. 883A Greene Avenue once had all the charming details this building sports. And the operative word in the previous sentence is had: someone has since seen fit to convert it into the masterpiece of cheap (and not so) chic I now present to you.

The awning looks like something that should be gracing the front of a pizzeria, not a 19th century brownstone. But of course this is simply my opinion. Clearly the person who had the finances and wherewithal to “refurbish” and “flip” this building believes otherwise. It just goes to show money and taste do not necessarily go hand and hand. Just look at Donald Trump.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo du Jour: Bleecker Street

February 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy 

If “Big Man Doug” of Bleecker is reading this, the word on the street is it’s time for you to practice a little more personal hygiene.

Big Man Doug

Or would that be any personal hygiene at all? One month is a very long time, Doug.

Don’t be stingy with the soap.

Miss Heather

Bed-Stuy Construction Site du Jour: 325 Kosciusko Street

February 3, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Bed-Stuy 

Since it was a beautiful and unseasonably warm day today the Mister and I decided to take a walk. While knocking around Bedford-Stuyvesant we happened upon 325 Kosciusko Street.

325 Kosciusko Street

Being the connoisseur of “luxury accommodations” I am, I simply had to take a closer look.

Dogs at 325 Kosciusko Street

That’s when I learned the canines “guarding” said premises were living in anything but luxe conditions. Both of the above dogs were tethered to the front of the building and allowed (maybe) ten feet slack, enabling them to do little more than stand up or sleep. Although my husband said he saw a water dish, nary a scrap of food was to be found.

I suspect I speak for a number of the people reading this when I say that subjecting animals (be they guard dogs or otherwise) to living conditions such as these is unacceptable. It also begs the follwing question: If this is how the owner of this property (“325-331 Kosciuszko LLC“) sees fit to treat man’s best friend, how— dare I ask— do they treat the workers under their employ? Or tenants?

Think about it.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Be sure to check out the Department of Building’s Building Information System as well. It is quite illuminating. Among other things you’ll learn the architect responsible for these “1-2 family” dwellings (I shit you not, that’s what it says) is also responsible for this turd in Greenpoint.

Crosstown Local Cavalcade, Volume II: Bedford-Nostrand

February 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy 

TWAT

This creative use of lettering hails from none other than Bedford Stuyvesant. Shortly after I took this photo a Queens-bound train pulled into the station. I couldn’t believe my good luck!

One G train patron, however, was not so lucky. When he (a man wearing a three piece suit no less) asked of his fellow mass transitters:

This train goes to Manhattan, right?

they looked at him like he had eight heads and in unison shouted a resounding NO!. Upon learning the bad news our G train greenhorn decided against consulting the subway map posted immediately behind him and exited the train; thus exchanging a merely bad decision for even worse one. I wonder how long it took him to find a train that could take him to Manhattan?

Miss Heather

Chrome Fest 2008

January 31, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Bed-Stuy 

As my previous post (about discovering a “street Wimpy” tee shirt) intimates, I am rapidly becoming a big fan of Bedford Stuyvesant. Bed Stuy may be a lot of things but one thing it isn’t is boring. My most recent sojourn found me muttering “Wow, that’s really beautiful!” and “Holy Shit!” under my breath every five minutes. The following is an example of one such “Holy Shit”.

Hart Street House of Chrome

As I wandered down Hart Street I saw a number of beautiful houses. Then I found this.

Chrome Gate

When I showed the above photograph to Mr. Heather he said:

That looks like something from East Williamsburg.

I replied:

No way! This is like East Williamsburg on steroids!

I wonder if the owner of this house has a family member in the chrome fabrication business? I ask this question because nary a flourish was missed during the chromification of this house.

Hart Street House of Chrome

Even the (unused) air conditioner holders emit metallic bliss. On a clear summer day I bet the reflection from this house is enough to sear a person’s retinas. You could probably cook eggs on the sidewalk for that matter.

Give it up to good ol’ Bed Stuy for keeping it real: even their houses have grills!

Miss Heather

Not So Wimpy

January 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy 

I have never understood the infighting between Bushwick and Bedford Stuyvesant— especially when it comes to which neighborhood is “better”. When the mood strikes me I read the latest salvos of nastiness, chuckle to myself and give the matter no more thought. I live in the Garden Spot of the Universe after all, and as such, have much better things to do.

When I bought a bottle of seltzer recently at a bodega in Bed-Stuy my carefully cultivated apathy was summarily shattered. FOREVER.

Not So Wimpy

I didn’t even hear the wearer of this shirt ask me if I wanted a straw. That is how IN AWE my person was at the sight of this shirt. Living in New York City has exposed me to the phenomenon of “thugged out” cartoon character apparel. At first I found them novel and amusing, but as with most things pop culture over-exposure eventually rendered them dull as dishwater.

The Tasmanian Devil wearing a hoodie? *Yawn*

Marvin the Martian wearing gold chains? Stupid.

Fat Albert (doing just about anything)? BOOOOOORING!

But have I seen a sleeveless Wimpy preparing to administer a category five beat down (presumably because someone would not let him pay Tuesday for a hamburger today) on a t-shirt? No, I have not. There is only one word for something like this: genius.

As far as I’m concerned Bushwickers can waste all the breath they want. The fact of the matter is THIS SHIRT KICKS ASS.

And so does Bedford Stuyvesant.

Miss Heather

Photo du Jour: Mixed Signals in Bed-Stuy

January 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy 

Tompkins Avenue

I found this piece of product placement on Tompkins Avenue right around the corner from the Myrtle – Willoughby stop of the G. Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but topping a mural pleading forgiveness with a poster advertising the movie “Hitman” sort of defeats the point.

Miss Heather

A Sign in the Stuy

January 16, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Dog Shit Signage, Greenpoint Magic 

Today I am honored to share my very first piece of dog shit signage from none other than Bedford-Stuyvesant! My tipster writes:

I saw this stenciled plea at the corner of Willoughby and Walworth and thought of you.

Pick up their shit

Unfortunately, as the second pic reveals, the call has gone unheeded (see near green patch, lower left).

Their Shit

Ah well, there’s plenty else to love about Bed Stuy.
Heh.

Regards,
Erin

This looks a lot like a series of missives I found inscribed around a tree pit on Franklin Street a couple months ago.

Don’t pollute our tree

I can attest that (to date) these admonitions appear to be working. Maybe it is the color?

Miss Heather

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