Intimation of Gentrification: Troutman Street

February 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Living in north Brooklyn I am often confronted with the question as to what constitutes gentrification. More specifically, I ask myself exactly what are the warning signs a neighborhood is poised to shed its rags and earn the kind of respect afforded to localities brandishing bratty babes that publicly piss on trees? It is an excellent question. And I think I found the answer on Troutman Street.


You know your neighborhood is well on its way to becoming an affluenzic breeder Valhalla when the local tagger’s nom de guerre is a childhood behavioral disorder.

Miss Heather

P.S.: I wonder where “Chronic Bed Wetter” bombs the ‘hood? I suppose I should just follow my nose.

Bushwick Photo du Jour: Greene Avenue

February 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

peper bros aint

Anyone who has experienced elementary school English knows there is something seriously wrong with this sign: Peper Bros Isn’t. Nothing breaks my heart more than sloppy grammar.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo du Jour: Troutman Street

February 7, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

A long time ago I was a real estate agent. During my brief sojourn into this hellish career decision I became acquainted with a certain type of client: the person who simply must live in a building with a doorman. Mind you, I have nothing whatsoever against doormen. Most are very nice chaps. What I do not like, however, is the kind of person who feels he or she must be waited on hand and foot. And I learned yesterday I am not the only person who bears this sentiment.

287 Troutman Street

If any of you are shopping for an apartment in doorman building in Bushwick, don’t waste your time with 287 Troutman Street.

And yes that means U.

Miss Heather

Happy Year of the Rat from New York Shitty!

February 7, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Year of the Rat

As you are out celebrating this, the year dedicated to one of Miss Heather’s favorite animals, make sure you don’t end up like this poor ratticus bushwickus. Whether it be knocking back a fifth of brandy or doing bag of blow: do so responisbly.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo du Jour: NO PARKING

February 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

On Wednesday, January 31, 2008 I wrote:

One thing I throughly detest is the practice of erecting copious amounts of “Beware of Dog” and “No Parking” signage on residential property. Not only are they an eyesore, but there usually is not a canine on said premises and if someone is a big enough asshole to park in front of your driveway a twelve by eighteen inch piece of plastic is not going to deter him.


Bucking conventional wisdom, the residents at 96 Bleecker Street have seen fit erect one such sign.

96 Bleecker Street

And as I so sagely prognosticated, it netted the usual results.

Miss Heather

Miscellaneous Foodstuffs

February 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic 

I have a couple of very exciting developments to pass along to my fellow Greenpoint gourmands. First up, a restaurant is in the works at the intersection of Humboldt and Richardson Street.


Frankie’s will be open only for breakfast and lunch (READ: they will not be serving that unspeakable other meal). When I asked the man working there as to when they would open he said:

As soon as god sees fit to let us. We’re waiting on our licenses from the city.

Good luck!

490 Humboldt Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Phone: TBA

Next up, anyone who knows Amin and Salid (the co-proprietors of Greenpoint Grocery, home of Baltica lager) can attest to how utterly mouth-wateringly delicious the food they make is. After a few years of mulling the idea over, they are going to start selling their delicious wares to the public this upcoming Saturday, February 9th. I for one think a falafel stand would be an outstanding addition to the neighborhood. Check it out!

Greenpoint Grocery
1019 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 383-1984

Moore Street Market, interior

Last up, I would like to pass along a little intelligence about Moore Street Market I received from a commenter called Ando:

The market shouldn’t be going anywhere. Our congresswoman Nydia Velazquez earmarked $235,000 towards restoring the market with Project for Public Spaces.

Now the big question is what are the actual hours of the darn place?

Firstly, I think we should all thank Ms. Velazquez for securing the funds to restore this vibrant and much-needed asset to the community. Secondly, I am pleased to announce that I finally have the answer to Ando’s question:

Moore Street Market (AKA “La Marqueta”)
110 Moore Street
Brooklyn, New York 11206
Hours: Monday – Saturday, 8:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m., Sunday 9:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m.


Last night I made dinner using ingredients from La Marqueta.


The results were incredible. I kid you not, Mr. Heather licked his plate.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo du Jour: Wyckoff Avenue

February 3, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Violation Removal

The Jefferson Street stop of the L sports some of the jauntiest storefronts yours truly has seen in a very long time. Take Guerrero’s Violation Removal. If I ever have the need for an architect, engineer, plumber or contractor this is where I am going. Is it the cactus beckoning at the front door, the Piet Mondrian-esque front door or the festive mural? Methinks it is the mural: I never knew New York City had a waterfall. Fuck Coney Island: next summer I am packing my beach towel, bathing suit and Coppertone and coming here.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo du Jour: Won’t You Be His Neighbor?

February 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Is anyone out there looking for:

  • Some palettes?
  • An automotive fender?
  • A magazine rack?
  • A couple of 4 by 12s?
  • A large print Bible?
  • A Mr. Rogers record (featuring the smash hit “You Can Never Go Down the Drain”)?

If so, I am pleased to announce that this lot on Broadway has everything you need…

Pile of stuff

and much, much more!

Mr. Rogers

Poor Mr. Rogers. He wanted a place of his own and look what he got: thrown onto the trash heap. To quote what a very wise man once said in the movie Better Off Dead:

Now that’s a real shame when folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that.

Have you no shame, Bushwick?!? That’s okay Fred, we Greenpointers will be more than happy to be your neighbor.

Miss Heather

Has Anyone Seen Poffy?

February 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Lost Puppy

I found the above flier while walking down Harmon Street yesterday afternoon. As a number of you are probably aware, this makes two stolen Maltese dogs in the span of one week. Although this may sound kooky to some I am getting the distinct impression there are people in our fine borough who make their livelihood by stealing and selling dogs.

If any of you have seen Poffy please contact her rightful owner at the above phone number. The practice of stealing pets like they are so much chattel is disgusting. Seriously folks, this needs to stop.

Miss Heather

Jean-Paul Sartre Meets Knickerbocker Avenue

February 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Bushwick 

Every time I think I have seen it all (in the way of curious and repulsive architecture) something reminds me I haven’t.

Case in point:

White Stripes

This is by far one of the ugliest things I have ever seen.

Jimmy Legs writes regarding this post:

Bushwick is lousy with da chrome. i especially like it when they pair the shiny gates with a couple of plaster eagles or lions. classy!

No Exit

I like it when they pair chrome with a fire exit fifteen (plus) feet above street level. Break a leg or burn to death? There’s a decision I’d prefer not to make.

Miss Heather

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