Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Bushwick Photo du Jour: The Right to Remain Silent
Filed under: Bushwick
From a Wilson Avenue mailbox.
Miss Heather
Bushwick Photo du Jour: Halsey Street
Filed under: Bushwick
Methinks Wendy of Bushwick should make the acquaintance of Bruce over in Bed-Stuy.
Miss Heather
The Snowmen of North Brooklyn
I had so much fun compiling this selection of Greenpoint snowmen I thought it would be fun to showcase some more fluffy fellas from different neighborhoods. Here we go!
Representing Greenpoint we have this cute little guy from McCarren Park.
I have no idea whatsoever what this is, but it too is from McCarren Park and I felt it was worth mentioning.
This curiously long fellow was kicking it in Bushwick.
If you happened to be walking down Marcy Avenue in Bedford Stuyvesant the odds are pretty good that your found this cheerful chap smiling at you. Speaking of the Stuy…
nothing says stone cold cool like a smoking snowman. I certainly hope he is considerate enough to dispose of his butts (or reefer leaves) responsibly.
Miss Heather
Bushwick Residents Speak Out About Gentrification
Filed under: Bushwick
Those of you who care to buy and/or rent these phat properties at 550 Irving Avenue should be advised that your soon-to-be neighbors may not bring you a housewarming casserole.
The developer even accommodated for Fedders Boxes. Or, given how upscale Bushwick is nowadays, maybe they will be— dare I say it— Friedrichs!
Miss Heather
The D Word
(or Miss Heather’s Musings About The Art of the Insult)
Douche (doosh) n. (Fr. shower) 1. a. A stream of water or air applied to a bodily part or cavity for cleansing or medicinal purposes. 1. b. The application of a douche. 2. An instrument for applying a douche.
Bag (bag) n. 1. a. A usu. flexible container… *
Douche Bag (doosh bag) n. 1. A flexible container used to irrigate a woman’s vagina. 2. The insult of choice for the unimaginative.**
I recently confided my newfound hatred for this (oft employed by New York Shitty’s blogorati) epithet to a friend of mine. We despised this phrase, upon this we agreed. But the reasons for our respective distastes differed significantly. In his case, it was a matter of taste and decency. Unfettered by such concerns (after all this blog, New York Shitty, was founded on shit. Literally.) the issue (as far as my curiously eccentric world view is concerned) was one of creativity.
Sure, there was a time I invoked “douche bag”. Frequently. But once it became overused (and therefore rendered meaningless) I employed the extensive education my father provided me to come up with a replacement. Or more accurately (given Pa Heather’s predilection/gift for profanity) replacements.
- Cock sucker
- Dick head
- Fuggin’ asshole
- Homeless Boogeyman/men (courtesy of the Parks Department)
- Pig fucker (my current favorite)
All the previous are staples in my anger arsenal. When under duress the offal that finds its way out of my mouth is much more colorful. Which brings me to the point of this post: can we exercise a little more imagination when it comes to putting down our fellow men (or women) online? Please? It’s not that hard. Follows are a few insults to get your creative juices going folks.
Exhibit A: Woodbine Street, Bushwick
Calling someone “gay” is not a well constructed insult but the lack of personal hygiene angle is compelling. The essential underpinning of a good insult is to point out an aspect of your adversary that is socially undesirable. Homosexuality does not (and should not) have the stigmatizing sting it used to. New York City is the great melting pot. And in this crucible of cultures, creeds, religions, races and yes, sexual orientations, there is one thing we all have in common: noses. People who do not shower, well, STINK.
Exhibit B: Woodbine Street, Bushwick
Elijah (and his dear mother) are clearly objects of wrath on Woodbine Street.
Exhibit C: Bedford Stuyvesant
Why bother blathering about incest? Sucking pig balls is much more provocative.
Still not convinced, douche bag devotees, that your affront of choice is yesterday’s news? Maybe the following anecdote will change your ways.
This is Hana Food Deli and Grocery. It is located at 534 Metropolitan Avenue, Williamsburg. 11211. I happened to be in the area (and very hungry) so I went inside in seek of kibble.
I always preferred my douche bag on the rocks. Shaken, not stirred. Just like James Bond. A douche bag with blue cheese dressing?!? That’s just plain gross.
But I suppose a douche bag tastes pretty damned good washed down with Pabst Blue Ribbon. $7.99 a twelve pack who can argue with that?
Miss Heather
P.S.: I ordered the “Sandy-wich” which was (simply put) a vegan BLT. It wasn’t bad. That said, these guys have NOTHING on the Franklin Corner Store in good ol’ Greenpoint. Andre, his son, partners and Oreo know how to make a sandwich.
*Websters II New Riverside University University Dictionary, 1984
**Miss Heather
Bushwick Photo du Jour: Bushwick Avenue
Filed under: Bushwick
While I usually deplore cheesy church signs, I have to applaud these folks for their creativity.
Miss Heather
Meet The Anthrax Family
Filed under: Bushwick
Remember the good old days when you could have anthrax delivered right to your doorstep? Ah, memories…
Miss Heather
Take The Graham Avenue Challenge
Graham Avenue south of Montrose is rapidly becoming one of my favorite places to knock around. This shopping district is in my opinion one of the best experiences north Brooklyn has left to offer. Although presided over by the grim edifice that is Woodhull Hospital (which for some reason reminds of the Lars Von Trier mini-series, The Kingdom) the streets bustle with life. Some of the aforementioned activity is benign, some of it is nefarious but that’s what New York City is about, right? If I wanted to be in a sanitized environment I’d patronize an outlet mall in Jersey.
The shops along this strip hawk all manner and variety of dry goods the human mind can conceive. And in the case of one store, something which even confounds my admittedly fertile imagination.
When I first laid my eyes upon the above claim I was cynical. This is New York City after all. And in this— the best damned city in the world— I have seen a lot of strange stuff. What wares can this store possibly offer that set it apart from its peers?
The toys strike me as being rather pedestrian but I have to admit this Jesus necklace is pretty impressive.
But why would I outlay my hard-earned dough on just Jesus when I can purchase a pendant brandishing the Last Supper just down the street? I know a bargain when I see one: this is like getting thirteen Biblical figures for the price of one!
Okay, they have me on this one. Not only have I never seen an eighteen wheeler emblazoned with Scarface’s visage, I didn’t know a market for such an item existed. Wow.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Grand Street
Filed under: Bushwick
I would love to have been a fly on the wall when the advertising brain trust charged with Express Real Estate School’s advertising campaign had their “eureka” moment. In fact, I think I can hear them now…
Ad Hack #1: But we need to reach out to a younger, “hip”, urban dynamic…
Ad Hack #2: I know, let’s trick out some Ice T-looking dude out with a phat hunk of bling. Don’t worry if the dollar sign pendant he’s holding is backwards. Kids are so stupid nowadays they won’t know the difference. Trust me, it’ll be dope.
All Ad Hacks (in unison): BRILLIANT!
Seriously folks, somebody paid a lot of money for this stereotypical schlock. And on that note if you don’t mind, I’m off to give myself a pre-orbital lobotomy with a tire iron. Toodles.
Miss Heather
Great Moments in Aluminum Siding, Volumes XIV & XV
Filed under: Bushwick
I have a confession to make: last week’s installment of siding goodness left me wanting.
I mean sure that’s one phat water slide they got they got over on Woodbine Street, but life isn’t all fun and games. As I have gotten older I have become a lot more security conscious and this fence simply does not give me peace of mind.
This fortress on Myrtle Avenue is a big improvement, but once again the first floor fence is too easy for all those criminals, thieves and mashers lurking out there to climb. This is good yes, but not quite good enough for yours truly.
Now this is more like it! Why care about having egress in the event of a fire when you can asphyxiate in your own terrarium! Hands off this Cornelia Street beauty folks. She’s mine.
But until the owner sees fit to sell, methinks I will purchase property next door. Who wouldn’t pay a few hundred thousand dollars to look at this beauty every day? It’s is a bargain at twice the price.
Miss Heather
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