Spotted On India Street: A Merde Mystery

A lady we’ll call “C” writes:

I’m now naming India St between Franklin/West “poop alley”….someone either is pooping, has a huge dog, or cow on that street…theres like 50 loads.

Does anyone amongst you, gentle readers, know who— or perhaps more appropriately what— is responsible for this? I’m intrigued.

UPDATE, November 8, 2011: A chap we’ll call “T” writes:

Last year I stumbled upon a gigantic mega turd even bigger than that on Huron and West. I watched its progress every morning for 12 months. IT IS STILL THERE…albeit diminished. I’d be more than happy to send you a picture of its current state so that you know what you can look forward to

All I can say is… WOW.

A Greenpoint Raccoon Fact: Gutters Make Good Shitters

A lady we call “C” writes (in regards to this post):

So – raccoons AND poop! During the summer of 2010, we had a raccoon who would climb up our fire escape 3 floors to the roof of our building and then poop in our rain gutter. Seriously!

We have a few stray cats who live in the backyard, so I guess he was looking for a safe place to poop away from them. It didn’t appear that he hung out on the roof to eat or sleep.

We called around and were ready to have someone trap him, but then we never saw him again. We’re on Huron. Maybe he moved to Mark Bar?

This just keeps getting better and better folks. In any case after a cursory search it would appear that raccoon roof-shitting is, in fact, not that uncommon. Who knew?

New York Shitty Photos du Jour: A Jersey Street PSA

October 1, 2011 ·
Filed under: 10012, Dung of the Day, New York City, Other Shit, SoHo, SoHo Manhattan 

Taken September 29, 2011.

From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part II: Special Delivery

A person we’ll call “M” writes (in an email entitled “Park Slope Pooper”):

Hi Miss H,

As you noticed from my facebook status, I had a close-up shitty encounter in my building vestibule today. I thought you might appreciate the lowdown.

The initial sighting was upon leaving the apartment a little after noon. The vestibule is between two supposedly locked doors. The first door is between the street and the mailboxes and a couple of non-live work spaces (both of which are currently rented). And the second separates the vestibule from the stairway to the apartments within.

The outer door is malfunctioning. Again. Last time, I had a renewal credit card stolen and some happy thief charged themselves a few trinkets and some flashy new duds. The time before, a mail-order purchase never arrived, or more likely it was stolen. But this time, I got the prize.

Poop. A big, smelly blob of shit and a couple of shit-streaked paper towels strewn nearby, icing on the freakin’ cake.

The best thing about this is, there is no super or landlord onsite. Anything that happens on the weekend, you are, pardon the pun, SOL. If you want the poop cleaned up, you’re doing the cleaning. Unless you want step over a pile of feces all weekend.

I have several neighbors, but unless everyone stayed in their homes this morning, they must have seen, and just stepped over the offensive pile. Someone had sprayed a copious amount of lemon-scented air freshener in the hallway (it was needed) but no one had bothered to even contact the landlord about the incident prior to my doing so. Sadly, this “someone will take care of it” attitude is common in my building and my rapidly-changing neighborhood. Yea, someone else. Notes posted in the hall and repeated emails to each tenant instructing them to shut the “security” door firmly and make sure it is fastened properly, have fallen on deaf ears.

So, while holding my breath and with multiple layers of makeshift plastic bags as “gloves” protecting my hands, I cleaned up the disgusting human waste and poured disinfectant on the toilet-spot. But before I did so, I snapped these shots that I thought you would appreciate. Excuse the blurriness, but I was fighting off a stench that surpasses that of Newtown Creek after the rains.

Now that the Park Slope Pooper has found vestige in my vestibule, what can I anticipate finding tomorrow morning?

Feel free to post my sad tale, and please keep my identity/contact info confidential.

Happy Saturday!

Right back at ya, M!

Miss Heather

A Vincent V. Abate Playground Update: Still There!

August 16, 2011

August 17, 2011

It would appear the Abate poo pile (replete with asswipe!) has proven problematic to one playground user. Whoops.

Miss Heather

Live From Dupont Street: Green Sweep Greenpoint

So today was the big day: Green Sweep Greenpoint. I got up nice and early, did a little work around the house and made it to Red Star Bar right on time.  We had to wait a bit because the establishment’s proprietor, Eric, had a flat tire but soon enough we got down to business. Ed Veneziano (the proprietor of Cato’s Army Navy Store and co-chair of the Greenpoint Business Alliance) read out a list of block captains and then inquired as to whether there were any volunteers present. There was one. He then asked yours truly where I had planned to focus my garbage eradication efforts. My reply was as follows:

Dupont Street between Franklin and the sludge tank because it pisses me off.

As many of you have probably ascertained, I am not the kind of person to mince words. This is especially true when I am operating on (maybe) six hours of sleep. On that note I would like to apologize here and now to anyone at this morning’s convocation who had children in tow. I was not trying to be insensitive. Rather, the condition of this particular stretch of road infuriates me to no end. Soon enough, gentle readers, you will learn why.

We collected our garbage bags (I took four), put on our gloves and went our respective ways. I noted to my friend Teresa that I was going to be an “army of one” waging war against trash this morning— and that’s the way I wanted it.

Upon arrival I quickly sized up the situation. I quickly ascertained I had several types of litter to contend with. They were as follows:

1. Residential (as seen at left)

2. Construction debris

3. Discarded automotive parts/products

4. Trappings of a homeless colony (including— but by no means limited to— empty liquor bottles and food containers).

I decided to tackle the latter most first. Roughly forty five minutes into the task at hand my efforts began to get noticed. First it was by two very friendly workers from the adjacent DEP facility (as seen at right).  The driver said my efforts were laudable and then went on to explain that sadly people will only return and add more trash. When I asked him for specifics, he told me that men frequently work on their cars along  this stretch and simply toss aside their unwanted hubcaps, anti-freeze containers, etc. What I discovered as I was cleaning later on supports this chap’s assertion.

Once I had two bags ready (and realized they were really, really heavy) I called Eric to come by and pick them up (so as to to take them to the garbage container secured for the day). When he and Ed arrived I had four bags waiting. They were quite impressed. That’s when I confessed that I had only filled two bags myself; someone prior to my arrival was thoughtful enough to leave two large bags filled with sheet rock to make me look “good”.

When they finished loading the aforementioned bags I took them on a little tour. What they found of particular interest was the fire pit (as seen at left). We quickly ascertained what (or I suppose who) found their way into it: nearby we found two boxes which had clearly contained chickens. Live chickens— or as I put it to Ed: EX-chickens. They went on their way and I continued working.

A man of (maybe) 18 years of age asked me if I was clearing the area for a garden. I answered to the negative but added that having a garden at this location is a wonderful idea. He admonished me to be careful and then proceeded to walk off while lighting a joint.  That’s when I made the first of several incredibly repulsive discoveries:

Yes folks, that there is an value-added tampon! I also found (in no particular order):

1. One condom wrapper (empty)

2. One condom wrapper (unused)

3. One condom (soiled)

Next to the latter most I found ( at right) 4.

I suspect I speak on the behalf of many people reading this tome when I write that really, truly hope this item was used in concert with the aforementioned condom. Call me jaded but there is something about kinky clown sex transpiring in the shadow of a sludge tank that yours truly finds almost charming. The key word in the previous sentence being almost.

5. No less than three bloody rags.

6. And of course what would any trash pick-up be without a shit-filled diaper?

Here you go!

7. And I suppose I should mention one thing I did not find: drug paraphernalia. I was quite surprised by this.

After two more people stopped and asked me if I was clearing the area for a garden (once again I said no but that I was growing to like the idea) I was left alone and started to get bored. Fortunately being an only child has made me very adept at finding ways to entertain myself.

I decided moving forward I was going to play amateur urban anthropologist. My project would be to determine the drinking patterns of the people who use this area as their personal landfill. It was just like something out of National Geographic except instead of arrow heads I was in search of fifths, forties and airplane bottles. These I arranged rather artfully for everyone’s edification and christened the end product “The Dupont Street Drinking Museum”.

Although I didn’t keep count, beer (especially Corona and Budweiser) was the beverage of choice by pretty significant margin (I’d hazard to guess two to one). Following that came all manner and variety of distilled spirits. Vodka and rum were the peoples’ choice. Wine came in dead last with two paltry bottles. I will leave you, dear readers, to draw your own conclusions as to what this data means.

In any case I continued working and found myself getting a bit peckish. No worries: someone was thoughtful enough to leave me some snacks!

Here’s the deal folks: I could continue outlining in explicit detail everything I saw while cleaning Dupont Street this morning. Instead I am going to leave you with a slide show and a few thoughts:

  1. We have a chronic littering problem here.
  2. The question is how do we go about changing this.
  3. Given the interest shown today by passersby in clearing this space and creating, say, a community garden I’d say that may very well be the way to go. If anyone reading tome this agrees with me (and would be interested in making this happen) please shoot me an email at: missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com.
  4. In order to get the ball rolling I am going to reach out to a few elected officials and see how we can turn this block into something our community can be proud of. If and/or when I have any news on this front, I will pass it along here.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photos du Jour: Better Homes & Garbage, Part II

(Or: India Street Revisited)

As I have written previously, the soon-to-be initiated India Street ferry service has some serious safety concerns to address. Foremost among these is the fact the block from which it will disembark is desolate and uninhabited.

Sort of. The first thing I noticed when I swung by this morning is only one solitary trailer remains. As you can see it has undergone some renovations. Namely, having the door removed and a cheerful blue blanket hung it its place.

We would appear to have two inhabitants.

Once again the presence of reading material was noted. It appears that we have a baseball fan on our hands. I wonder if he/she is a Mets or Yankees fan?

Yours truly was really impressed with the array of healthy foodstuffs. Milk, fruit juice, apples, peanut butter and canned fruit were observed. And last— but hardly least— let’s inspect the crapper!

This pied-a-terre is appointed with (to bastardize Black Adder):

…the latest in fresh air orifices combined with asphalt.

In other words: you shit on the street.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Photos du Jour: McGuinness Boulevard

After getting word form my buddy Jay that a beleaguered Beamer was being used as a trash receptacle on the Champs-Élysées of our fair burgh I simply had to see (and smell) this spectacle for myself. I am pleased to report I was not disappointed!

As you can see it has received a few “additions”.

The presence of food matter, vomitus and/or effluvia was noted.

A solitary carrot has found its way into the mix.

Here’s a close up of the cat shit.

And last— but hardly least— a parking ticket. What will tomorrow hold, you ask? That remains to be seen. But I suspect our fellow Greenpointers will not disappoint!

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part I: Street Justice On McGuinness Boulevard?

The above item comes courtesy of Jay Lombard, who writes:

You should check out this car on McG near Norman. Parked next to PS 34 for weeks (wish I had taken a photo from late Feb for comparison). It has the usual dirt and grime from being parked on the Boulevard for an extended period PLUS our neighbors have seen fit to adorn it with:
1) contents of litter box. Note the clump factor
2) shriveled banana peel
3) remnants of at least two notes requesting removal. Possibly by the principal of the adjacent school?

Besides occupying a prime parking spot in a neighborhood where parking is scarce this vehicle prevents the street from being cleaned (Sweeper operators have left a noticeable trail from repeatedly swerving around it), is an eyesore and, now, is beginning to stink. I’ve placed a call to 311 to report an abandoned car with NH plates. How long until it gets removed and what other items pile on top of it while it sits there are anyone’s guess.

WOW. Methinks I will have to pay this al fresco litter box a visit!

Miss Heather

 

LAST GASP: All The News Fit To Steal!

I am seriously considering adding this as a byline to my humble blog after having the following turd brought to my attention by buddy across the creek: Queens Crap.

The Crapper writes (in regards to the above colossal piece of crap):

You mean January 25th comes before February 3rd? Damn.

Not according to CBS 2. Follows is a time line of my coverage of this story. Read it and weep.

January 24, 2011: I am tipped off by a reader and compose a blog post to go up at 5:34 EST January 25th. I follow up with Community Board 1’s Transportation Chair, Karen Nieves, to get her take later in the day. She is kind enough to clue me in on the situation and I update my post accordingly. This post was linked to by Brownstoner on January 25th at 8:30 a.m.
January 28, 2011: I am informed of the Community Meeting about said project by Ms. Nieves at 12:38 p.m. I gladly post it at 1:39 p.m.
February 2, 2011: I attend said event, film it and blog it. If you skip to 1:23 in this video (which was uploaded February 2nd) you can see the cameraman from CBS setting up the microphone for the representative of the Department of Design and Construction. The audience asked if it was a public mike. It was made clear this was for CBS. My post was linked to by Brownstoner on February 3, 2001 at 8:30 a.m. and by A Short Story at 10:54 a.m.
February 11, 2011 at 11:37 a.m.: I announce the plan has been tabled and update my post as I learn more details. I made my final update at 3:23 p.m.

And then CBS 2 “breaks” the news (once again) at 7:08 p.m. I have taken the liberty of bringing CBS 2’s “blog amnesia” to their attention via comments.

This has yet to be approved. I doubt it will.

If the wholesale and flagrant editorial vandalism (as coined by Bucky Turco at Animal New York)  of “neighborhood blogs” by mainstream media outlets offends you, gentle readers, I would very much appreciate it if you would follow suit. Seriously folks, this is downright laughable.

Lastly, had CBS 2 actually cared about the facts instead of generating hype (READ: page views) they would have, should have, mentioned the houses on Monitor Street (and the stoops which accompany them) would have been assessed on a case-by-case basis. That’s the general impression I had after attending and filming the meeting on February 2, 2011. In fact, I find most of CBS 2’s “reporting” in this feature questionable. Then again, the truth doesn’t generate page views. Distorting the truth and sensationalism does.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Thanks for reading, CBS 2! I am really enjoying the comments you have seen fit to approve (as opposed to mine). For example, Annie’s charming missive as highlighted below.

It would appear “hate speech” passes muster, but calling your organization out on a crime of the pen, if you will— that being blog poaching— merits censorship. I want to personally thank you, CBS 2,  for providing the final nail in the coffin which contains my contempt for and distrust of televised “news”.

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