Dung of the Day: Banker St. Between Calyer and Meserole St.

April 25, 2006 ·
Filed under: Dung of the Day 

Here’s something you probably will not find on the Super Value Menu at McDonald’s, although I have seen something that looks suspiciously like this advertised in the window of Yummy Taco…

Yummy Taco

Do you want fries with that?

bankerandmeserole

Code Brown: Franklin St.

April 25, 2006 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit 

After several days of rain, I finally ventured out to run a few errands. Being in a terse and rather impatient mood, I walked down Franklin Street instead of Manhattan Avenue. Sure enough, I didn’t have to deal with too many people, but…

franklinstandgreen

Franklin St. at Green St.

franklinathuron

Franklin St. between Green and Huron St.

franklinandindiast

Franklin St. between Huron and India St.

franklinandindiast2

AGAIN, Franklin St. between Huron and India St.

franklinandjava

And… Franklin St. at Java St. makes five!

Dung of the Day: Done Dirty Harry Style

A number of people who have made my acquaintance are amused and confused by my veneration of “Dirty Harry”. Those who know me— REALLY know me— understood my glee when my father upgraded to the DVD “Dirty Harry” box set and I got his old VHS box set. The weekend immediately following this windfall was one uninterrupted “Dirty Harry” Testosteronathon replete with many a 12 ounce can of Budweiser so I could exhibit my femme macha by crushing them when the need arose.

One does not watch “Dirty Harry” movies for the plot (they’re all more or less interchangeable). One does not watch “Dirth Harry” movies for Oscar-caliber acting either (though Tyne Daly, Hal Holbrook and Mr. Eastwood are nothing to sniff at). NO SIR.

One watches “Dirty Harry” movies to enjoy some blue-chip ass kicking and the odd nugget(s) of witty repartee to be found therein. Simple as that.

Having established my “Dirty Harry” street cred, it should be known that my tastes regarding memorable quotes from these movies tend to run towards the oblique. Anyone (even those who have never seen any of the movies) knows the ubiquitous “Go ahead, make my Day”, but what about some of Harry Callahan’s more Zen-like words of wisdom?

If you have been kept up at night knocking around “Dirty Harry” quotes (as I have), today is your lucky day: with a little bit of Internet research I found the “Dirty Harry” quote (from “Sudden Impact”) which best epitomizes this blog and I am going to share it with you.

Listen, punk. To me you’re nothin’ but dogshit, you understand? And a lot of things can happen to dogshit. It can be scraped up with a shovel off the ground. It can dry up and blow away in the wind. Or it can be stepped on and squashed. (Or it can be wiped on a napkin and left on the sidewalk at Meserole  Avenue and Diamond Street — Ed. Note) So take my advice and be careful where the dog shits ya!

meseroleanddiamond

Cock Rings and Cigarettes

April 19, 2006 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Dung of the Day 

I was coming home from running errands yesterday when, about fifteen feet from my front door, something on the ground caught my eye.

I looked closer, and lo, it’s a vibrating cock ring and an empty pack of cigarettes! Looks like someone has been living la vida loca!

cockringandcigarettes

Now if there’s one thing Joe Camel has taught us all, it is that EVERYTHING goes down a little easier with a cigarette— including today’s “Dung of the Day”! This bad boy is on Green St. between Manhattan Ave. and Franklin St.

Smoke ’em if you got ’em!

dogshitandcigarettes

Dung of the Day: 4/18/06

April 18, 2006 ·
Filed under: Dung of the Day 

Today in midtown Manhattan my husband saw a doubledecker tour bus filled with Miss USA Contestants. No kidding.

Being an artist by education (if not by vocation— yet), I am all too aware that beauty lies exclusively in the eye of the beholder. Art is by its very nature subjective.

Today’s turd pageant has neither a swimsuit nor a talent segment, so I am left with the daunting task of judging the bounty of canine fecal goodness I documented today on looks alone…

But I have wasted enough of your time already; without further ado, I give you Miss McGuinness Blvd. and Eagle St.

dungoftheday41806

Code Brown: McGuinness Blvd.

April 18, 2006 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit 

Anyone familiar with the northernmost part of Greenpoint will tell you that it is not a very nice place. If anyone ever tries to tell you anything else to the contrary, RUN! He or she is probably a real estate broker, developer, or some other hitherto-unknown creature whose agenda is to separate you from your money.

Don’t believe me? Check this out.
Scroll down to “My Landlord can beat up Your Landlord”. Read it.

Who wrote this, you ask? Yours truly.

Slumlords, gang-banger wannabes, pipe/machete wielding Dominicans/Puerto Ricans/Mexicans, and crackheads aside, another distinguishing feature of this area is dog shit. LOTS of dog shit. ASTRONOMICAL amounts of dog shit.

Just to see if anything has changed since I lived there, I went down to my old ‘hood this morning. Specifically, I went to the area I consider ‘dog shit central’: McGuinness Blvd. between Eagle and Box St.

Upon cursory inspection, I noticed that a handful of the grassy areas between Box and Clay Street have since been filled with cement. My guess is that this measure was taken to discourage dogs from crapping in these beds. Did this deterrent appear to work? Yes. Did it cut down the overall amount of dog shit? NO.

While I applaud the motivation behind such a measure, the underlying logic is blissfully naive. Clearly, whoever concocted this scheme did not take into account how persistent the local populace is regarding the avoidance of cleaning up their dog shit. Ironically, filling in these beds (where one is less likely to step in the shit contained therein) has resulted in dog shit being placed right smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk (where one is more likely to step into a pile of crap).

Way to go, Einstein. Keep it up and maybe one day you’ll be elected president.

boxandclay1

boxandclay2

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