Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Merry Christmas From New York Shitty!
Filed under: 11222, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Street Justice
Christmas came early to Greenpoint in the manner of this gargantuan mound of merde from (where else?) Poo Corner.
Am I disappointed by this development? No, not really. It proved to be an ice-breaker with a lady who has the dubious honor of living across the street from this delightful item. She inquired as to what I was doing. I explained my project to her. She was pleased and wished me a Merry Christmas. Nothing unites Greenpointers in brotherly (and sisterly) love like shit.
Rather, my anxiety was over the proper arrangement of the flatware. I possess a copy of Amy Vanderbilt’s Everyday Etiquette but I did not have it handy at the time. It’s rather hefty. What’s more the only reason I keep it— and many other less lofty publications, for that matter— is/are for the pictures.* So I had to improvise.
Version 1
Version 2
Before I could type so much as “Wikipedia” the Mister looked over my shoulder and said:
You got it wrong. Forks go on the other side of the knife.
So there have you.
I hope Ms. Vanderbilt can see fit to forgive me for my breach of etiquette. She never had the pleasure of knowing Greenpoint replete in all its (brown) glory. She also did not live to see— much less taste— the miracle that is “Whipped Lightning”. It is the “Strawberry Colada” variety which graces this turd a la mode. Most importantly, I strongly suspect Ms. Vanderbilt did not have a neighbor who saw fit to grace her community with i-Pad sized piles of shit.
Does one uncivilized act (E.G.; not scooping one’s poop) justify another (not arranging flatware properly)?
I’ll leave it to you, gentle readers— and her, to make a final judgement in the meantime, Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!
*Before he became famous Andy Warhol earned a living as an illustrator. He was a very good too!
New York Shitty Day Ender: An Oldie But Goody
On this, Christmas Eve, I can think of no better way to round out today’s posts than with this image of Edie the Hamster preparing Christmas Dinner. As some of you might recall her “person”, Victoria, recently became a published author. Not that I am buying this, mind you. It’s pretty apparent Edie is the real Jell-O Mistress of Brooklyn!
The Word On The Street: From Meserole Avenue With Love
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, The Word On The Street
Taken December 24, 2011.
Greenpoint Street Art du Jour: Framed
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Street Art
From Meserole Avenue.
From The New York Shitty Inbox: What’s That Noise?
A person we’ll call “J” writes (last night at 7:54 p.m.):
Is it my imagination or has somebody been piledriving at night over the past week(s)? Can’t tell where its coming from but it is not far.
If you too have been hearing such sounds, fellow Greenpointers, is it NOT your imagination. It IS a pile-drvier. Here’s what the Community Liaison for the Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee, Christine Holowacz, has to say on the matter:
In the last week or so, you may have noticed a loud banging noise during the evening hours in Greenpoint. The Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee (NCMC) was very recently informed that a contractor has and will be driving piles at the plant between the hours of 6 pm and 11 pm until December 31, 2011 (emphasis mine, Ed. Note.).
The Contractor received the permit variance without NCMC’s knowledge. Had NCMC been aware of the plan to pile drive we would have alerted you sooner and asked the contractor not to pile drive during these two holiday weeks.
Those of you who have been bothered by this activity be advised you are to call 311, file a noise complaint noting the location is the Newtown Creek Waste Water Treatment Plant and forward your complaint number to Ms. Holowacz via email at: nc.mc (at) verizon (dot) net.
Happy Holidays!
Now For Sale In Greenpoint: Whipped Lightning
The last twenty four hours have been quite lively ones at Chez Shitty. It started at around 1:00 p.m. yesterday afternoon when a neighbor began shouting quite loudly on the street. This can mean one thing and one thing only: he’s drunk. Public intoxication is hardly an uncommon occurrence hereabouts— one need only go to McCarren Park to see it. However, this individual does it with a difference; his ‘merrymaking’ culminates in being arrested and/or taken away in an ambulance. Yesterday was no exception.
Well, that should buy me twenty four hours of peace and quiet.
I thought to myself. Alas this was not to be. He was back and quite vocal as of 10:13 this morning. I suppose I should be disappointed by this— but I’m not. I have become quite acclimatized to it. Snow White had bluebirds singing and all manner and variety of fauna to help her prepare for the rigors of the day. I am no Snow White. Yours truly’s preferred means of greeting a(nother) day in the “Garden Spot” of the “Big Apple” are the dulcet banshee cries of a certifiable lunatic. The way I see it, my day can only improve after such an inauspicious start. And this, gentle readers, happened today!
I perused my inbox to discover:
1. A(n) manhole access cover on Monitor Street has been stolen for the 4th or 5th time. While arguably a failure on our city’s part (in terms of enforcement and/or exercising common sense) I do not blame myself in the least for being unable to keep up with this.
If the residents of this block can no longer keep track of the plunder, I see no reason why I should.
2. The rather controversial “owner” of 377 Graham Avenue awakened his neighbors with the Rolling Stone’s “Gimme Shelter” at 7:00 a.m. this morning while engaging in a little “air guitar” for passersbys’ delectation. This was a relief. At least when compared to a painting “Joe” saw fit to share with the general public yesterday. Follows is a photograph of it forwarded to me by a concerned citizen.
Yup.
3. Lastly— and best of all— yours truly sold a photo today! I will not go into details (because it is a Christmas present) save to say it will (hopefully) make someone’s day. It certainly made mine. Now I had an unexpected windfall (Okay, more like a gentle breeze) of cash.
So what did you do?
You ask. What any Greenpointer worth his or her salt would do during this season of good will: proceed to the liquor store without delay.
And it was at Save Rite Wine & Liquor I discovered this.
Their web site offers a number of recipes using their product. I opted to purchase their “German Chocolate Whipahol”.
While perhaps a politically incorrect choice for a resident of “Little Poland” (of Polish/Lithuanian descent no less), you have to hand it to the folks at Whipped Lightning for efficiency.
At 33 1/2 proof this “alcohol infused” product facilitates a number of vices— all in one can!*
So what will you do with this product, Heather?
You ask. This remains to be seen. But the possibilities are endless provided one is tasteless imaginative enough. If I use my purchase to top, say, a White Russian can I call it a Ribbentrop – Molotov Cocktail? Possibly. Or would a “Third Partition” be more appropriate? Only time (and depravity) will tell. In the meantime for an evening you might not remember, north Brooklynites, you can purchase Whipped Lightning right here in Greenpoint!
Whipped Lightning
Cost: $11.99 plus tax
Flavors: Chocolate Mint, German Chocolate, Strawberry Colada & Hazelnut Espresso
Save Rite Wine & Liquor
907 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
*Not that I am recommending this, mind you.
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